Online relationship

[[[chickaroo92]]]

One of my friends have been talking to this random dude from facebook, they met from an application. Anyway, they've talked for about two months now, and things are starting to look serious.

He says that he really likes her, and eventually wants to meet her. She's been saying the same thing to him. They're both sixteen, one lives in here, in the states, the other one lives in New Zealand.

My question to you, do you think that they should meet, and talk to each other in the same way as a regular couple would talk?

Any suggestions or whatever?

I really care about my friend, and I don't want her ending up hurt.

[Serenity]

Ok that is so irrational. Seriously. They're 16, been talking for two months, so they're just going to travel thousands of miles to see each other? She doesn't even know if this guy is who he claims he is. And besides...2 months?! 16?! If they're still so taken with each other when they're EIGHTEEN, I say full steam ahead, go find your beau, but seriously that's just ridiculously rash.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

I know. I tried telling her that, and she claims they've seen each other on webcam, and sent pictures to one another...

[Serenity]

Well, I've long been against teenage online relationships. The fact of the matter remains you just can't know who you're dealing with. Even if he does turn out to be 16 and not some 40-yr-old pervert, who knows if he doesn't have plans to rape her, etc. It's just got so many scenarios that could lead to awful ends.

[NextToNormal]

i dont think that your friend going to NZ to meet this kid or the other way around is such a good idea. its only been 2 months. how well can you know and trust a person you never really met in 2 months? after 2 years, yeah...sure, maybe. but 2 months is a bit out there. really, your friend should just wait and see how things go.
im not a fan of long distance relationships when people are in the same country, but on 2 different sides of the world?

[Maverick]

I don't believe in online relationships. You can't even talk, touch, and hang out with the person. He may be a completely different person in real life. Not saying he isn't claiming who he is (which is possible) but personality wise he may not be what you expected.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

I met my boyfriend online, he lives in England me in the States. We talked about "What would you do if you met me in real life?" or "If we lived in the same place, would you date me?", that kinda stuff, but we didn't start calling ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend until we met up in person last summer , almost a year after we met. There was a point where we said "Wow, I really like you, I wish we were in the same place so maybe we could do something about that," but both of us agreed that we'd have to meet up at some point, make sure we get along in person (because people are different over the internet), before we could decide about being in a relationship with each other. We met up and everything's great, I can't wait until August when he can be back out here again. But my point is, you should tell your friend to hold off on making plans just yet. If they still have feelings 6 months or so from now, start thinking about it (I say six months because it'll take forever to get plans made anyways, clearing it with parents and all, seeing as they're minors. It took my guy and I about 5 months of relentless begging for both of our parents to say it was ok. Total it'd be maybe a year, and if the feelin lasts that long, it might well be worth the money for the plane ticket. You don't fly to New Zealand for a summer romance). For now though, it's ridiculous to be making plans to travel around the world for someone she's never actually met.

[Gumleaf]

online romances normally just don't work and i would highly recommend that your friends try not to meet. although it was great to hear your good news online romance story jessi.

[RepliKate]

Ok that is so irrational. Seriously. They're 16, been talking for two months, so they're just going to travel thousands of miles to see each other? She doesn't even know if this guy is who he claims he is. And besides...2 months?! 16?! If they're still so taken with each other when they're EIGHTEEN, I say full steam ahead, go find your beau, but seriously that's just ridiculously rash.

QFT!!

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

online romances normally just don't work and i would highly recommend that your friends try not to meet. although it was great to hear your good news online romance story jessi.

Hah, yeah, I understand my story isn't very typical, but I thought I'd throw it out there so ya'll internet relationship haters can see that it's not always a bad thing.

[byee]

How can you have a real relationship online? It's all in your head, really. It's the fantasy you create with the words you see.

Your friend must be very lonely to feel she's getting 'serious' with her fantasy, i think the issue is getting her the connections in reality she's creating in the virtual world. Help her connect in reality.

[[[chickaroo92]]]

How can you have a real relationship online? It's all in your head, really. It's the fantasy you create with the words you see.

Your friend must be very lonely to feel she's getting 'serious' with her fantasy, i think the issue is getting her the connections in reality she's creating in the virtual world. Help her connect in reality.
She once had a boyfriend in the 'real' world, and things didn't exactly work out....too much to say, anyway, she's been feeling kind of lonesome and all that random crap, and she needed something to take her mind off from the break-up.

And thats how she met this random dude from the internet. I don't want to be like, this isnt going to work. She seems so happy, and I wouldn't want to ruin her happiness...y'know? I just wish there was a better way to explain things to her, before things get outta hand.

[Serenity]

Which is the better friend, the one who lets her get lost in a superficial unreality that probably won't last, or the one who helps her see what's best for her in the long run and thus will bring more overall happiness than instant gratification? There's a difference between wanting your friend to be happy and letting them turn a blind eye to the bigger problem, ie her lonliness and want/need for a fulfilling relationship. I don't think you can get much fulfillment out of a relationship with someone you've never seen in real life.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

You don't have to tell her to forget all about this guy and never talk to him again, but like Valerie said, help her to see the big picture. Is she likely to meet this guy? Not really. Should she commit herself to this guy she's never met when there are guys nearer to her who she might like just as much? No way. Let her crush on him, she can't change that, but make sure she understands that it isn't likely for things to work out with this guy in the long run. If they do, great, but it's not likely.

[byee]

Of course, if she's not asking for your help or opinion, and she's having fun, and she's not meeting him imminently in some dark alley in a 3rd world country because the air fare is cheapest there, you might also want to just indulge her until one of those conditions changes and there's a real danger.

If she's had a bad experience she might need this to heal, to feel a sense of closeness but without the risks of reality. Unless she's one to blur the distinction here, maybe you should just leave it alone?

[[[chickaroo92]]]

Thanks all for the advice.
Yesterday, I was over at her house, and we talked about the boy who she 'loves'. Anyway, the conversation was getting pretty deep, and then I decided to let her know that chances are she wouldn't probably meet him in the long run. I thought she was going to cry, but instead, she took a breath, and said she knew that. She just wants to feel a relationship, you know?

Like, I told her that there will be boys in the "real" world, just right now she needs to have a break from boys, and move on. There are way more important things to worry about, then some boy on the internet or from school...etc.