Confused about my memories

[Luminous]

So basically I have these times where I remember one part of something, and then I have two memories of what happened next or right before, and I don't know which one is right. I know there's more, but for now I can only remember one instance.

I was maybe 10 or 11. I was eating something, spaghetti maybe. My dad was sitting across the table from me with my little brother. I don't remember the exact words, but he said something like, "You shouldn't eat that much, all that food has been showing." Like I said I don't remember exactly what it was, but he indirectly called me overweight. I said, "Are you calling me fat?" And he didn't say anything like he didn't hear me. I dumped my food out and this is where I don't know what happens.

EITHER:
I run up to my room and cry quietly. I never told anyone, and nobody ever knew. I forgot about it soon after, but without realizing started sucking in my belly all the time, tightening the muscles and making it look flat.
OR
I ran up to my room shocked, and a few minutes later I talked to my mom and told her what happened, and she told me I'm not fat and went downstairs, I heard her yelling at my dad. Soon after we all forgot about it, but again started sucking in my belly.

I had completely forgotten about this until today when I was thinking about how I suck in my belly. I am very insecure about my belly, it is the only big part about me and it sticks out, a little girl (I was little too, 6 or 7) once asked me if I was pregnant. I couldn't remember when I started sucking it in, and all of a sudden I remembered the whole thing with my dad. I'm so confused, and kind of scared. Why would my dad say that to me? Why can't I remember what happened? My mom has never mentioned anything, but both of those endings seem so real to me, I can't remember which one actually happened. Please help me.

[Castle of Glass]

OK well, the same thing happens to me, some times. And then there are times i have memories that never even happened. But, since with the first version, you told no one, so that really doesn't help. But, with the second one, you told your mom. So, here is what i would do as you, if you have a good relationship with your mom. Ask her about it. if she is confused, than it was probably the first one, if she says something else, then probably the second one.

[Luminous]

OK well, the same thing happens to me, some times. And then there are times i have memories that never even happened. But, since with the first version, you told no one, so that really doesn't help. But, with the second one, you told your mom. So, here is what i would do as you, if you have a good relationship with your mom. Ask her about it. if she is confused, than it was probably the first one, if she says something else, then probably the second one.

Thanks for your advice but in real life I have bad trust issues and extremely sensitive and I have a really hard time saying anything to anyone if we're not already having a conversation, stuff like this where it's sensitive and hurts to think about I just can't do. I cry really easily, to the point where it's embarrassing. I'm less concerned about which one it is, more the fact that these two different scenarios coming from the same scene are both extremely real to me and I can't identify which one my brain made up. I guess it's scary that I can't control that.

[conniption]

Could it be you're suppressing certain parts of your memories? It seems like you're very insecure about your looks and perhaps your brain makes up several different "endings" to memories that had a significant impact on how you see yourself. That, or maybe you just don't remember certain things well.

[ksdnfkfr]

My memories are goofy like that too. I think what might of happened is that you had a dream about what happened that night and now you memory is mixed up between what really happened and what you dreamed happened. I have a very vivid memory of being chased, knocked down and bitten by a neighbor's sheep dog, like it happened yesterday, but everyone insists that this never really happened. Also, if someone was to talk to one or both parents about a situation like you had, they may not remember anything about it. Or each would have a different version of what happened.

[Mynick]

Since you can't ask your mom, i know how scary it is talking about personal stuff and our fears, i would advice you to try to forget it.

[Luminous]

Could it be you're suppressing certain parts of your memories? It seems like you're very insecure about your looks and perhaps your brain makes up several different "endings" to memories that had a significant impact on how you see yourself. That, or maybe you just don't remember certain things well.
It's possible, but I don't feel too badly about my body. Sure, I wish I had less of a double chin at certain angles, a longer face, and a flatter stomach, but I don't think it's so much so that I would suppress memories.
My memories are goofy like that too. I think what might of happened is that you had a dream about what happened that night and now you memory is mixed up between what really happened and what you dreamed happened. I have a very vivid memory of being chased, knocked down and bitten by a neighbor's sheep dog, like it happened yesterday, but everyone insists that this never really happened. Also, if someone was to talk to one or both parents about a situation like you had, they may not remember anything about it. Or each would have a different version of what happened.
Maybe but neither seem like dreams, they both feel very real. They aren't as vivid as your dream because they don't feel like they happened yesterday, there are bits and details I'm not sure about, they've got the same, you know what I mean by 'consistency'- as real memories.
Since you can't ask your mom, i know how scary it is talking about personal stuff and our fears, i would advice you to try to forget it.
I have been trying. I want to forget it badly, I don't remember my dad ever doing or saying anything to me like that so it's very scary to me.

[ksdnfkfr]

I can understand why it's bothering you so much. When you say it's so out of character for your dad, that makes me think false memory.

False memory syndrome (FMS). "In psychology, false memory refers to the recollection of an event, or the details of an event, that did not occur." It's very interesting to read about.

[Mynick]

So i google a bit and seems to be 'external source-monitoring error'. According to wikipedia 'This type of source monitoring focuses on discriminating between externally retrieved sources, such as events happening in the world surrounding the individual. An example of this would be determining which one of the individual's friends said something rude.' So, as Ezra said, a false memory.

[Luminous]

I should correct myself: It doesn't really seem different than my dad, just more like he didn't censor what he said, which he usually does. From what I remember he has never been abusive in any way, but I know that he has his own opinion about things, but usually he doesn't say anything bad, especially about his kids, to anyone. He just said what he was thinking without realizing it.

[Dennis Chaney]

Well if you are anything like I am, I realized a long time ago why this happens, when you suffer from something that makes you upset or feel bad about yourself, your mind represses that thought for so long and when you try to remember exactly what happened or it suddenly comes up, you start receiving pieces and variations of that thought. What I've always done when I wanted to figure out what really happened, I close my eyes and breathe slowly and repeat what is in my head and after a while it usually comes back into my head what actually happened. I hope this helps somehow.