Why do I and everyone I love treat us like we are nothing?

[NikosamA98]

So, why do I and everyone I love choose people who treat us like we are nothing? Well, its not like everyone treats me like I'm nothing but I started to feel like I'm invisible to one person in particular: my ex best friend. If you read my previous posts, you'll see that many of them are about him and I just cant forget it. We are not friends anymore, he is not my best friend, we don't even "talk" and I'm still trapped in the feeling that I need to be with him and that we are still friends. This is driving me crazy! This week I took a walk to the park just to see his house. I was just there, sitting in front of his place thinking on knocking the door and talking but i know it will never be the same it was before. I just want to run away from this feeling of being ignored by him. I feel like its my fault. If i wasn't such a loser i could be with him. He changed, he have popular friends and i can't do that. I tried to change but I'm not like that, I just cant.

"We choose the love we think we deserve"...yeah, in the movie that's so easy to say but the truth is that it is not that easy to forget someone that means a lot to you. I have good friends now. They may be loosers like me but they're good friends and I'm still thinking about HIM. Why cant i just forget him! Why cant i just look for another person to call "best friend".

I just wanted to let it out. At least now maybe someone will know how i really feel

[Luminous]

I've never had a best friend before so I can't entirely relate, but I understand the longing to have a friend. I have been pushed away too many times to count, I've never met anyone I can truly trust and love (in a friend way). I used to trust too easily and it backfired on me multiple times, now I have major trust issues that nobody knows about. Nobody will let me be their friend. Or maybe we are friends, but can you be friends if you don't trust each other? I know I girl that I've been 'friends' with for almost 4 years. I met her about a month before I turned 11, she's been at every birthday since then, likely she'll be at my next one. Sometimes we hang out. I trust her to some degree, but I would never tell her my secrets, though she's probably trustworthy.
I've forced myself to forgive and forget, who needs friends anyways? All the geniuses work alone. For a long time, I looked for someone I could open up to, but never found that person. I look like an open book on the outside, I act like it, but hidden inside that book there's another little diary with a lock, and the key seems to be lost.