My Parents are so strict...

[bbz10]

First of all, I just want to say something:
I am 14
I have been a high honors student for the past 2 years.
I never get in trouble in or out of school.
I never (ever) swear. Ever.
I am involved in different sports, clubs, and bands.


And here is my problem: My parents are so strict. They have probably some of the tightest rules ever. I have to be in bed at 9:30 every night. Even weekends. I have to ask before I can turn on the TV or use the computer. I do not have a cell phone. I do not have an iPod. I cannot watch TV until my HW is done. I cannot buy even small stuff with my own money without asking. For example, I can't walk to the center of town and buy like a water bottle from the gas station after school. They have to look at my homework after I finish it. I really could keep going.

How do you think I could try to get them to lighten up a little bit? I have tried so many approaches with the phone/iPod situation and bed time, but I don't know what else to do. Can you guys help?

[teen.jpg]

First of all, I just want to say something:
I am 14
I have been a high honors student for the past 2 years.
I never get in trouble in or out of school.
I never (ever) swear. Ever.
I am involved in different sports, clubs, and bands.


And here is my problem: My parents are so strict. They have probably some of the tightest rules ever. I have to be in bed at 9:30 every night. Even weekends. I have to ask before I can turn on the TV or use the computer. I do not have a cell phone. I do not have an iPod. I cannot watch TV until my HW is done. I cannot buy even small stuff with my own money without asking. For example, I can't walk to the center of town and buy like a water bottle from the gas station after school. They have to look at my homework after I finish it. I really could keep going.

How do you think I could try to get them to lighten up a little bit? I have tried so many approaches with the phone/iPod situation and bed time, but I don't know what else to do. Can you guys help?

Oh my god. I would die.

Just show them you can be trusted and responsible I guess. Go above and beyond to do so, and they might go easier on you.

[Cygnus]

Tell them to give you more liberties, and if your grades go down or something negative comes out of that they can take away those liberties.

[bbz10]

Oh my god. I would die.

Just show them you can be trusted and responsible I guess. Go above and beyond to do so, and they might go easier on you.

I cannot go above and beyond. I get 95% to 100% on nearly every assignment I get for school and my schedule is too busy to add more stuff and I do so many chores it is not even funny.

Tell them to give you more liberties, and if your grades go down or something negative comes out of that they can take away those liberties.

I have tried that. The response was: "We don't know that you can prove your responsibilities and therefore we do not feel comfortable giving you those privileges.

[teen.jpg]

Good lord, that sounds rough. Well how are you on VT right now?

[bbz10]

Good lord, that sounds rough. Well how are you on VT right now?

Well, um, try to figure it out yourself. I am half doing this, half doing homework right now.

[ksdnfkfr]

That's really strict. I guess overly strict is better than completely neglectful or abusive. But yeah

[LouBerry]

My dad was really strict with me when I was younger too. He wasn't quite that bad, but only a step or two below.

He just grew out of it, and your parents surely will too. I mean, when you get a little bit older, they are going to have to start trusting you to do things on your own. You'll start driving soon, and before you know it, you'll be leaving the nest. They can't shelter you forever. Try to have a talk sometime, and just tell them that you understand that they are trying to protect you, but that if you don't learn how to be responsible now, you won't be when it's needed most.

[CharlieHorse]

Have you tried sitting down with your parents and having a talk? State your opinion, listen to them... etc. Aka an actual discussion.

[Croconaw]

You should talk to them about it and try to compromise. Maybe they can give you privileges and if something bad comes out of it, they take them away.

[kylem1229]

There really isnt much you can do besides talk to them. They have the right to do that.

[MartyG]

Try to have a talk sometime, and just tell them that you understand that they are trying to protect you, but that if you don't learn how to be responsible now, you won't be when it's needed most.

Ya know.....that really is the truth. Kids need to "practice" responsibility.....even if it means screwing up a little here and there....and then suffering the consequences. With your parents; they either don't understand that...or they don't figure you're ready for the test yet.

Maybe an older sibling or a family friend or whatever got into trouble and your parents are over-compensating? Or; maybe they themselves were hellions as kids and don't want you to follow in their footsteps?

It sucks man; it is not good parenting...for what it's worth for you to hear that. Not much you can do about it though.

So: bbz10's parents.....are you reading this????? Want to state your case? Want to present your side of the story? Yep....there's always two sides to every story.....

Marty

[ksdnfkfr]

and just tell them that you understand that they are trying to protect you, but that if you don't learn how to be responsible now, you won't be when it's needed most.

I think that's really true. My folks cut me loose on stuff to see how I handle it. My dad's really big on teaching me independence, but you know he's always right behind me like when he was teaching me to ride my bike.

[SkootuGurl]

If you have talked to them, and they still don't feel ready to trust you with responsibility, there isn't a lot you can do. You are still only 14 though, so as horrible as it seems, you might just have to put up with it for another year or so.

Tell them to give you more liberties,

Telling parents what to do is generally not a good idea.

Well, um, try to figure it out yourself. I am half doing this, half doing homework right now.

In other words, you're breaking their rules. So why should they trust you?

[sqishy]

Tell then that you can't learn how to live fully if you don't make mistakes, and that you are under pressure from them. If my parents were as strict as you, I'd be in depression. You need freedom, and sometimes there are no easy ways to get that. You need to persuade them time and time again. It's your life.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I cannot really suggest anything other than what others have said. I do not have a phone
I have set bed times 9.30 ish I have to ask about buying stuff or going somewhere and maybe you have not been in trouble because your parents are strict.

You get good grades at school - thats good to -

[Body odah Man]

I wish I could help you friend. I agree that your parents are OTT strict but some people are just so obstinate that they refuse to change their ways and I have my own problems with my parents so don't really have much advice/experience myself. Maybe try having a discussion with them like other posters have said? Good luckkk

[NeuroTiger]

I understand your situation but as Ezra mentioned your situation is better than someone being neglected.
As you grow older, you'll get the liberty you so much wanted.
-
Maybe they are cautious: they do not want you to be diverted, if u get what I mean.
They want a perfect son!

By the way, are you the only child?

[Body odah Man]

Let children make their own decisions i what I say

[Eric57]

I know you said you've talked to them about it before, but was it sort of a small conversation in passing or did you flat out sit them down and have a conversation with them? If you didn't flat out sit them down and have a talk about it, I suggest that. That is really your only option. Tell them that you understand why they have the rules that they have and that you get they are just trying to protect you, but you need a little bit more freedom.

The fact of the matter is, you're growing up. They can't shelter you forever. Since you are only 14 years old, obviously they aren't going to let you do whatever you want, but you should at least be able to set a more reasonable bedtime, have the possibility of getting a phone, being able to use your own money for whatever you want, etc. You need to explain that to them. Not only that, but also tell them that you are practically the model child and have never given them a reason to not trust you. If that doesn't work, then I suppose you are just going to have to deal until you can move out.

[Katiya]

I didnt have a phone or comp or able to keep my own money until I was 17. Had to b in bed at the same time. My grades were crap. But my parents were doing that to me in an abusive way not carrying way and there were other problems too.

I can say as you get older this can really damage a kid as they have no social life and people reject them and that leads to emotional problems.

I'd say if they don't give you more freedom by 16 I'd try and get a counselor to speak with them with you to talk over the issues.

[Body odah Man]

@^
Good advice but counselors can only change people that have a desire to change deep down. If not nothing will change. Still hopefully it'll work for the Op and sorry that your life has been affected negatively like that.