No idea.

[aNinjaScorpion]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site. I really didn't know where else to go for this. I'm the youngest of three children (19, 22,and 24). My relationship with my parents is a bit shaky. For the most part I get along with them pretty well, but sometimes we just can't see eye-to-eye, more especially with driving/staying out late (this is much more prominent with my mom, but occasionally my dad too). I'll try to keep this short and simple since I know many people don't like long posts, haha.

Essentially I try to explain to my parents that because I'm away, it is impossible for them to look after me the same way they have before college. Whenever I try to explain this, they think that "oh, you don't need me as a mom/dad then!" and it's NOT like that. I DO believe that given my being away and maturity (I don't do anything stupid, I don't lie to them, I tell them everything, I always check in, etc.) that I should be free to do as I wish. By this I mean just being an adult and living life (going into detail about what I mean by this would make this post much longer). I love both of them, but I really need space. Past experiences and other teens who did stupid things to end up on the news should NOT ruin the experience for ME, as I am NOT them!

My main question is this: Am I asking for too much? Are they wrong? I think that at this point I need an adult child-parent relationship. By this I mean rather than getting a "No" for something they don't want me to do (more especially since I'm away, as I COULD simply disobey and go anyway and they'd never find out since I'm away, but I am not that type of person), I should instead get advice/why they don't want me to do it. At that point I should be able to decide for myself whether I want to do that something or not and accept the consequences, positive or negative, for my actions.

I'd love to hear what other people have to say about my situation. Thanks, and sorry if this post came out long.

[kylem1229]

I know what you mean, Im sort of the same way relationship wise. Just tell them you want to do stuff with them, but in return ask if you can have some space for yourself. It's probably hard for them aswell, because in a few years, you are going to move out on your own and they wont see you as much as they hope since they raised you since you were an infant.

[Luminous]

You do sounds very mature. However, while you are under their roof and they are paying the bills and for your food you need to have an extra degree of respect for them. I know it's frustrating. You need to try to explain to them how you feel and give them good reasons why you need space.
PS. A lot of people write long posts, don't worry about it :p

[aNinjaScorpion]

I know what you mean, Im sort of the same way relationship wise. Just tell them you want to do stuff with them, but in return ask if you can have some space for yourself. It's probably hard for them aswell, because in a few years, you are going to move out on your own and they wont see you as much as they hope since they raised you since you were an infant.

Thanks for your input. Yeah, I know, I try really hard to subtly let them know how I feel; I fear if I told them straight out I might risk damaging our relationship. I'm aware it must be hard for them, and I don't mean to sound demeaning, but they really don't have a choice. If I don't get to grow up now while I'm 19 years old and away at college, I'll never know what to expect in the real world.

You do sounds very mature. However, while you are under their roof and they are paying the bills and for your food you need to have an extra degree of respect for them. I know it's frustrating. You need to try to explain to them how you feel and give them good reasons why you need space.
PS. A lot of people write long posts, don't worry about it :p

Thank you for your input as well. Technically speaking, I am on my own, since I am away at college. I do my own laundry, cook, go to school, and pay a portion of my expenses while my parents help me by paying for whatever was left. And I always show respect for them, whether I'm at home or not. I just feel that if I try to explain how I truly feel that they may take it the wrong way. :(

[Living For Love]

I have the same situation. My mum doesn't trust me in anything I do. She is always trying to see if I do something wrong, always asking questions, always making up stories in her mind and always criticizing everything I do. If I don't feel in the mood to talk she asks: "Why are you not talking? Is everything alright or you hidding something?". If, on the other hand, I feel good and start to talk to her a lot about school and stuff she says: "Why are you so happy? Did you get a girlfriend or something?" I'm always criticized in every way, no matter what I do. And the worse part is that I'm a good son to her, she should feel proud of me and consider herself lucky to have a son like me because I'm responsible, I don't get involved in problems and I'm not some kind of junckie who smokes and gets drunk or drugs himself like many people in my school do.

You'r 19, I'm only 16, so you're much more independent than me. Maybe you should just talk to your parents about your situation and get your brother's support also. I know it's easier said than done, but each case is a case and you should always try it. GL!

[Miri]

As Princess said before, you sound incredibly mature to me. I think that it's only natural to want more privacy and freedom as you grow up, and you are clearly able to take care of yourself and function on your own.

I do understand where they're coming from, although I feel the same way as you when it comes to MY life. Maybe they just want to spend more time with you. You could just try to understand where it is that they're coming from, and ask them to create a list of reasons why they don't want you two. Then, you can go through the list with them, and either explain why they don't apply to you specifically, or just make some compromises, and get the to do the same.

Good luck!

[aNinjaScorpion]

I have the same situation. My mum doesn't trust me in anything I do. She is always trying to see if I do something wrong, always asking questions, always making up stories in her mind and always criticizing everything I do. If I don't feel in the mood to talk she asks: "Why are you not talking? Is everything alright or you hidding something?". If, on the other hand, I feel good and start to talk to her a lot about school and stuff she says: "Why are you so happy? Did you get a girlfriend or something?" I'm always criticized in every way, no matter what I do. And the worse part is that I'm a good son to her, she should feel proud of me and consider herself lucky to have a son like me because I'm responsible, I don't get involved in problems and I'm not some kind of junckie who smokes and gets drunk or drugs himself like many people in my school do.

You'r 19, I'm only 16, so you're much more independent than me. Maybe you should just talk to your parents about your situation and get your brother's support also. I know it's easier said than done, but each case is a case and you should always try it. GL!

Thanks for your input, and I am sorry to hear you are experiencing something similar. I wish I can say something to help, but I'm not sure why she would be like that with you, especially considering from what you told me that you are a great son. But my dad is supposedly coming tomorrow to visit me, so I guess now I have a chance to really say everything to him. I think he is a bit more understanding than my mom.

As Princess said before, you sound incredibly mature to me. I think that it's only natural to want more privacy and freedom as you grow up, and you are clearly able to take care of yourself and function on your own.

I do understand where they're coming from, although I feel the same way as you when it comes to MY life. Maybe they just want to spend more time with you. You could just try to understand where it is that they're coming from, and ask them to create a list of reasons why they don't want you two. Then, you can go through the list with them, and either explain why they don't apply to you specifically, or just make some compromises, and get the to do the same.

Good luck!

Thank you for understanding. That's how I feel; I'm growing older and I feel that since I've been shown to be responsible my whole life, they should have no problem letting me go (or at least not as hard a time as they are apparently having now). I certainly understand that considering I am the youngest and the only one of my siblings to actually go away for college (my brother and sister stayed at a university near home), but just because I understand them doesn't mean that I have to be unhappy due to their unwillingness to let go. I've told both of them how I want to be treated on multiple occasions since I am away at college and no longer at home; getting advice when I ask for it and not being told how to live my life.

[JamesSuperBoy]

My take on this is - cut the who is right - who is wrong bit. There that is better. Now can you realise how your parents feel maybe worry about you - so maybe you just have to make the moves here - You have to change the relationship to what you want because you could be years older and Mum and Dad will still have an opinion and hopefully thier love and care for you.