Ur opinion on my twilight character?

[Derryck]

My idea for a twilight character:

Name: kade
Gender:male
race: Human (tested)
appearance: Fair skin, dark blue hair (spiked w/ one strand hanging down), red/yellow eyes, 6'1.
personality: selfish, easily agitated, uncaring, isolated, the exact opposite deep down.
background: Kade was a regular human until he was taken to a testing facility at age 5. for 13 years he was tested with synthetic vampire DNA. at age 18 he finally escaped in a fit of rage. his testing gave him the speed and power of a newborn, plus the fact that he doesn't crave blood allows him to use his abilities in a focused manner. during his escape, kade found a samurai sword hung on the wall that was still in working condition. Kade self trained himself with the weapon before making his way to where the whole twilight series takes place. Due to his red eyes, Kade was mistaken for a thirsty vampire by jacob and his pack. The shape-shifters engaged Kade in a fight. It doesn't end well with jacob having gotten the snot beaten out of him and the rest of the pack completely unconscious Kade decides that the werewolves weren't worth killing. Bella, upon noticing that jacob hadn't come to visit her daughter like he normally does, gets the idea that something's just not right. Edward, with his vampire hearing, confirmed this. it is at this point that Edward and Bella run into kade as he is walking away from the wolf pack he'd just beaten half to death. Upon seeing Jacob in such a bad condition Bella starts to get upset. this eventually angers Edward enough to attack kade, who then proceeds to hand Edward this diamond-hard, white ass. As a by product of 13 years of testing and torture, Kade's mind is strong enough that edward can't read him. Kade demands to know why he was attacked. Having pulled herself together, Bella catches on that it was all a case of mistaken identity. Bella and Edward explained the situation for them and for Jacob's pack. Kade refused to explain his past and dashed off. The duo is two shocked to follow him.

This is my idea for the start of a non-canon, side story to the twilight saga. Create your own and share. Also share your opinions on this aswell. I tried to be as accurate as possible and want to hear opinions on this from twilight fans.

[Derryck]

C'mon guys. lets not make this like the last creative thread I posted where it took a century before anyone replied.

[Elysium]

Not to be harsh (please forgive me), but that screams Gary Stu to me. How is one "vampire" going to be able to not only beat an entire wolf pack so badly, but Edward too? The guy's not god. He sounds way too perfect. It's not something I'd read; sorry!

[Twilly F. Sniper]

I had thought about watching it... And that character doesn't sound bad at all...

[Derryck]

Not to be harsh (please forgive me), but that screams Gary Stu to me. How is one "vampire" going to be able to not only beat an entire wolf pack so badly, but Edward too? The guy's not god. He sounds way too perfect. It's not something I'd read; sorry!

Two things (not mad by the way):

1.) you think kade is overpowered, Felix is REALLY overpowered in my opinion.

2.) Who's Gary Stu?

[Syvelocin]

It's a trope. Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Means your character doesn't have enough realism, has too many strengths and not enough flaws. I would agree. He's a perpetual newborn with no blood craving who taught himself to fight with a sword and he's a shield, or at least for only himself, which Edward had never experienced before prior to Bella.

I'm not a fan BTW. I've read them all though.

Hate to say this if Elysium was being harsh, but stay away from OC rewrites. Honestly. I was in an OC phase from about age 10 - 12. I'm so happy my old computer was wiped because everything I wrote before age 13 is gone (didn't delete it before I left home) and I'm so fine with that. The issue with bad OCs (not saying yours is, just fanfiction in general) is that they are more of an extension of the author to supplement his or her own mental fantasy. I'm saying this from experience. I don't write OCs anymore because I personally avoid fanfiction with OCs when I'm reading, and because all my OCs are pretty much "the character I'd want to be if I was in this book/movie/programme" except in very rare circumstances when a piece of fiction is MISSING, or would have an interesting twist with, this character.

To do OCs right is a very difficult task. If you're serious about doing this specific project, I suggest picking up a character development template way more thorough than the one you've used. Like, roleplay forum-style templates. This level development I would attribute to a background character honestly. You really can't write a whole story about him. I've tried writing characters that I've developed that far. That would be last year's NaNoWriMo. As awesome as the story can be, underdeveloped characters really hold a piece's potential back.

[Derryck]

It's a trope. Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Means your character doesn't have enough realism, has too many strengths and not enough flaws. I would agree. He's a perpetual newborn with no blood craving who taught himself to fight with a sword and he's a shield, or at least for only himself, which Edward had never experienced before prior to Bella.

I'm not a fan BTW. I've read them all though.

Hate to say this if Elysium was being harsh, but stay away from OC rewrites. Honestly. I was in an OC phase from about age 10 - 12. I'm so happy my old computer was wiped because everything I wrote before age 13 is gone (didn't delete it before I left home) and I'm so fine with that. The issue with bad OCs (not saying yours is, just fanfiction in general) is that they are more of an extension of the author to supplement his or her own mental fantasy. I'm saying this from experience. I don't write OCs anymore because I personally avoid fanfiction with OCs when I'm reading, and because all my OCs are pretty much "the character I'd want to be if I was in this book/movie/programme" except in very rare circumstances when a piece of fiction is MISSING, or would have an interesting twist with, this character.

To do OCs right is a very difficult task. If you're serious about doing this specific project, I suggest picking up a character development template way more thorough than the one you've used. Like, roleplay forum-style templates. This level development I would attribute to a background character honestly. You really can't write a whole story about him. I've tried writing characters that I've developed that far. That would be last year's NaNoWriMo. As awesome as the story can be, underdeveloped characters really hold a piece's potential back.

Character development templates? What are those? They seem like something I'd like to take a look at. And which one did I use?

[Syvelocin]

Well yours isn't a specific one I guess, but it follows a typical format.

I would go with something like this (http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474976908598). Some of the questions seem unimportant, but as the article explains its all integral into making your character as real as fiction can be. Through questions like these, you can discover things about your character that you didn't even know yet and they become integral parts of his or her persona. I have a few novel characters that do this, but mostly I find it in my roleplay characters with which I literally don't have to plan what they are going to do next because the character will do all the work for me. You get to this magical place in a story when you're no longer writing it but the characters are.

[Derryck]

Well yours isn't a specific one I guess, but it follows a typical format.

I would go with something like this (http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474976908598). Some of the questions seem unimportant, but as the article explains its all integral into making your character as real as fiction can be. Through questions like these, you can discover things about your character that you didn't even know yet and they become integral parts of his or her persona. I have a few novel characters that do this, but mostly I find it in my roleplay characters with which I literally don't have to plan what they are going to do next because the character will do all the work for me. You get to this magical place in a story when you're no longer writing it but the characters are.

I thought you said you don't do OC anymore. :what:

[Elysium]

I thought you said you don't do OC anymore. :what:
The kind of OC characters Syvelocin's describing typically only apply to fanfiction. Characters from original stories/original roleplays/etc. must be, by nature, original characters as well; you cannot have an original story with someone else's characters, because then it's (possibly AU) fanfiction.

I might also add that Syvelocin has some very good points and suggestions. There are tons of articles and quizzes helping you improve your character and learn more about them. If you're really dedicated to a character, it's a good way to bond with them. :)