Zero0
September 17th, 2013, 08:24 PM
Soooo! Where to get started? Well let's see.. First of all I don't really go on here too much but let's hope for help :P alright so Im a sophomore in hs and I havent been feelin too shway(batman beyond <3 xD) lately. So I guess it all starts from 2 years ago, when I met my current best friend, let's call her Karen. So we were on a school trip to Washington (I'm from jersey) so we bonded a lot on the bus she even helped me out and shit to get my first gf. So we kept talking thru the summer, and when school started we were real close.
Around then I started feeling somewhat depressed... Idk why it started really I guess, I mean idk I was a freshman on varsity soccer, and I honestly got no shit. I was actually srsly respected by all upperclassmen... But still felt it. So I kept talking with her and I told her I started to feel bad. Actually I started being really nice to Karen too.. I fell for her. I fell hard. But I digress. So I always kept dropping hints, and we talked most nights. But i never got the courage to ask her how she felt about me. I mean there were times where people saw I liked her, one even thought we were dating. One class we were watching a movie and I literally gave her a massage for the whole time, I mean I thought that was avid hint.
And I thought she liked me a lot. And I really think looking back now, that she was waiting for me to ask her out. But I was afraid of rejection and of losing her as a friend. She had been making me feel better too with the depression. But one of the last days before school ended, I told her that thanks to her I was feeling much better. But in truth I was feeling worse than ever. I didn't want her to worry about me at all over te summer. But there wasn't one day I didn't think about her. But every time I texted her that summer, She answered less detailed answers than she used to, and honestly she'd always either end up not answering back or just straight up saying g2g after like 2 texts. Soooo it only made feel worse.
I just wish things could go back to how they were in the winter, when I was so close with her. When I held her even if we weren't dating, I miss it so much and I hate myself everyday for not doin anything when I had the chance but now it's all over she has a new boyfriend, and they'll probably last, so idk what to do. I don't wana tell her I lied, I feel like that's the wrong reason to get her to talk to me, but idk. Like I've told Karen many times, she's fucking perfect, besides I keep thinking that I'd prolly be the worst bf anyways. I'm too insecure in truth.
Over the summer, ik it sounds corny but every 11:11 I made a wish about her, now? I actually wish for God to strike me down. I really wana end it I hate life. And I did consider it last year, but now? The feelings even worse than before, ahhh well. Im just not sure what to do! Is it too late with her? I guess but I've honestly haven't gone ONE day without thinking about Karen. Ughhh fk meeee
Soo if u read this whole thing, thanks haha, I appreciate input from every and anyone
Around then I started feeling somewhat depressed... Idk why it started really I guess, I mean idk I was a freshman on varsity soccer, and I honestly got no shit. I was actually srsly respected by all upperclassmen... But still felt it. So I kept talking with her and I told her I started to feel bad. Actually I started being really nice to Karen too.. I fell for her. I fell hard. But I digress. So I always kept dropping hints, and we talked most nights. But i never got the courage to ask her how she felt about me. I mean there were times where people saw I liked her, one even thought we were dating. One class we were watching a movie and I literally gave her a massage for the whole time, I mean I thought that was avid hint.
And I thought she liked me a lot. And I really think looking back now, that she was waiting for me to ask her out. But I was afraid of rejection and of losing her as a friend. She had been making me feel better too with the depression. But one of the last days before school ended, I told her that thanks to her I was feeling much better. But in truth I was feeling worse than ever. I didn't want her to worry about me at all over te summer. But there wasn't one day I didn't think about her. But every time I texted her that summer, She answered less detailed answers than she used to, and honestly she'd always either end up not answering back or just straight up saying g2g after like 2 texts. Soooo it only made feel worse.
I just wish things could go back to how they were in the winter, when I was so close with her. When I held her even if we weren't dating, I miss it so much and I hate myself everyday for not doin anything when I had the chance but now it's all over she has a new boyfriend, and they'll probably last, so idk what to do. I don't wana tell her I lied, I feel like that's the wrong reason to get her to talk to me, but idk. Like I've told Karen many times, she's fucking perfect, besides I keep thinking that I'd prolly be the worst bf anyways. I'm too insecure in truth.
Over the summer, ik it sounds corny but every 11:11 I made a wish about her, now? I actually wish for God to strike me down. I really wana end it I hate life. And I did consider it last year, but now? The feelings even worse than before, ahhh well. Im just not sure what to do! Is it too late with her? I guess but I've honestly haven't gone ONE day without thinking about Karen. Ughhh fk meeee
Soo if u read this whole thing, thanks haha, I appreciate input from every and anyone