Paladino
September 17th, 2013, 08:04 AM
I've been going out with this girl for just over 6 months, and over the last few weeks I've been getting really confused and shit. I think I may know why but I aint 100% sure because of how much of a confusing situation it isI(I'll get to it a bit later on). Lets call her C, there was this other girl, lets call her A. Anyway, when me and C started going out I liked A aswell, and I decided that C was the one I would rather go out with. C was well aware I liked A for a couple of months even before we started going out because she was one of my best friends before hand and I talked to her about her to get advice and stuff. Me and C had done stuff like kissing in the past but kept it there because we thought it would complicate things in our social circle if you would like to call it that. I have always sort of had a thing for her since I first met her and she tells me she was the same, I believe that I have loved her however since last summer(2012). She then started going out with a boy I know that was friends with my friends(I've never liked him) and when they started going out it really annoyed me! but what can you do, anyway they stop going out, he starts drifting away from our mutual friends and then she comes to me for Idk what you would call it, comfort perhaps, god knows. Anyway thats when shit starts to go down, we were kissing when we were drunk then she tells me she likes me the next day etc. Then, as I have had that feeling of where 'I feel like I have loved her since like last Summer', I tell her the same, then we agree to spend more time together just us 2 and we did and it was great! Then I decide we should stop and just be friends like we were going to, it was hard to do that but we continued going on as friends. Eventually a few weeks pass and I see her with another boy and I get extremely jealous but act cool about it and make out that I am not bothered etc. Then one night I ask her to come to my friends house with me for a drink, just me her and my friend. My friend then gets another girl round and they 2 were doing their own thing and then me and C were talking and I kissed her and she said "you need to make your mind up", so I said to her the next day "okay lets start going out" so we did then a few days later she spends the night at my house and everything is going great.
This is where I think the problem might be .. A couple of months into the relationship, she finds out I was talking to A again in a flirty way and she is obviously very angry about it, so she tells me we are over, me being upset and shit I try to get her back but she was having none of it so I just left her alone. Anyway the following night she goes out drinking, I probably should have and could have attended because of the events that occurred but anyway, it was the night of the champions league final and me and my mate watched it in my house, anyway he eventually left and I was by my self depressed as fuck sitting with the thought that she was out there doing stuff with other people eating away at me. I then ask her if she did because I had a funny feeling she did, she said No. So I was like okay fine I believe you etc. The next day I was on Xbox to my "friend" who then tells me he kissed her the night before, he gives me the whole "oh we drank so much, I wouldn't have done it if yous were still together" SHIT! I start shouting bla bla bla etc etc then I forgive him, I just said fuck this, I'll just forget about it, because I valued our friendship more than a girl at the time. Anyway I have Blackberry Messenger on my phone and I have her on it, and I aimed a status at her by saying "I love it when someone thinks you dont know but really you do", Instantly she knows what I was talking about she asks me constant, I keep telling her I won't tell her and stuff but then I eventually do tell her, then she says "oh so what If i Did etc" Basically I just told her to fuck off, anyway a few days go by of not speaking to her she randomly starts talking to me again, she wanted to come to my house to speak to me, I was saying I don't know and stuff, but I ended up giving in and told her to come up, we were talking and she tries to kiss me and I felt so reluctant to kiss her back, but eventually I did and then after long thought and different ideas going in and out of my head, I tell her we will work on things. Anyway things after that go fine, I forgive her and him, but never forget. Then a couple of weeks ago I started thinking about it and we start arguing about it because it starts to really tear me apart, that two people I trusted so well would do that to me, I mean he was supposed to be my best friend, and she was supposed to be the girl that "loved me", then I really start losing the plot about it, was so close to telling her I cheated on her(I never) so that she would know how it felt, I tried explaining to her how it feels but she obviously doesn't understand because its never happened to her, I've been cheated on in the past before so I have trust issues but after that i find it really really hard to trust her.
Thats the confusing part, because it happened so long ago and it only started to really really bother me recently, I don't understand why it's only just happening now. Apart from that she has done nothing wrong, apart from the usual relationship stuff. I love her, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. Aside from that I am still really confused about us, It's not that I don't love her anymore, I do, I still want to spend time with her, she was meant to be coming to my house today and during the course of me typing all of this she had told me she can't make it and wants me to go to her house later instead, it has sort of annoyed me but I will go to her house no problem and do what we usually do. Its also not that I dont find her attractive anymore, I do, she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I think shes so cute and funny and just adorable in every way possible. So that is why I am so fucking confused, I just dont know!
If you read all of that I respect you massively because thats the most I've ever typed at the one time apart from doing college work and I would really really appreciate if anyone of you could give me any sort of help/advice. Thanks :).
This is where I think the problem might be .. A couple of months into the relationship, she finds out I was talking to A again in a flirty way and she is obviously very angry about it, so she tells me we are over, me being upset and shit I try to get her back but she was having none of it so I just left her alone. Anyway the following night she goes out drinking, I probably should have and could have attended because of the events that occurred but anyway, it was the night of the champions league final and me and my mate watched it in my house, anyway he eventually left and I was by my self depressed as fuck sitting with the thought that she was out there doing stuff with other people eating away at me. I then ask her if she did because I had a funny feeling she did, she said No. So I was like okay fine I believe you etc. The next day I was on Xbox to my "friend" who then tells me he kissed her the night before, he gives me the whole "oh we drank so much, I wouldn't have done it if yous were still together" SHIT! I start shouting bla bla bla etc etc then I forgive him, I just said fuck this, I'll just forget about it, because I valued our friendship more than a girl at the time. Anyway I have Blackberry Messenger on my phone and I have her on it, and I aimed a status at her by saying "I love it when someone thinks you dont know but really you do", Instantly she knows what I was talking about she asks me constant, I keep telling her I won't tell her and stuff but then I eventually do tell her, then she says "oh so what If i Did etc" Basically I just told her to fuck off, anyway a few days go by of not speaking to her she randomly starts talking to me again, she wanted to come to my house to speak to me, I was saying I don't know and stuff, but I ended up giving in and told her to come up, we were talking and she tries to kiss me and I felt so reluctant to kiss her back, but eventually I did and then after long thought and different ideas going in and out of my head, I tell her we will work on things. Anyway things after that go fine, I forgive her and him, but never forget. Then a couple of weeks ago I started thinking about it and we start arguing about it because it starts to really tear me apart, that two people I trusted so well would do that to me, I mean he was supposed to be my best friend, and she was supposed to be the girl that "loved me", then I really start losing the plot about it, was so close to telling her I cheated on her(I never) so that she would know how it felt, I tried explaining to her how it feels but she obviously doesn't understand because its never happened to her, I've been cheated on in the past before so I have trust issues but after that i find it really really hard to trust her.
Thats the confusing part, because it happened so long ago and it only started to really really bother me recently, I don't understand why it's only just happening now. Apart from that she has done nothing wrong, apart from the usual relationship stuff. I love her, and I'm pretty sure she loves me. Aside from that I am still really confused about us, It's not that I don't love her anymore, I do, I still want to spend time with her, she was meant to be coming to my house today and during the course of me typing all of this she had told me she can't make it and wants me to go to her house later instead, it has sort of annoyed me but I will go to her house no problem and do what we usually do. Its also not that I dont find her attractive anymore, I do, she is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I think shes so cute and funny and just adorable in every way possible. So that is why I am so fucking confused, I just dont know!
If you read all of that I respect you massively because thats the most I've ever typed at the one time apart from doing college work and I would really really appreciate if anyone of you could give me any sort of help/advice. Thanks :).