i don't know what's wrong with me

[CharlieHorse]

I've been feeling really weird lately.
I kind of feel not interested in anything. I feel kinda tired and bored. And a little bit frustrated.

Last weekend I got a new computer, well, built one rather, and it's something I've been looking forward to for months. So last weekend I finally got it and put it together and it works fantastically. But I feel down in a way and don't really feel happy, I feel uninterested in almost everything recently. I don't really feel like using it, which is really strange. I should be excited to use it.

I haven't longboarded or went for a bike ride in weeks, I haven't done anything interesting. I haven't flown my helicopter like I said I'd do. I haven't hung out with friends in a while either. In a way, I'm kind of avoiding them. I haven't watched my favorite shows, or been on tumblr, or youtube, or even VT. I've been less active recently. I don't know why.

I feel kind of lonely. I look back the last couple years and I remember good times with friends. Now I see them, but it's been a year since we've talked, and I feel sad. They've moved on.
Some other friends just left. Didn't say goodbye, and I haven't heard from them in a month or two. This breaks my heart.
I haven't had a crush on anyone in almost a year. It feels so weird. I don't see myself trying to pursue finding a girlfriend, even though I want one really badly. I guess I'm just uninterested. In a way, I think I've convinced myself that I'll never get a girl, and so i shouldn't try, so as a result I don't.
I also feel kinda of weird when being with others. I feel like I can't connect with them well in a way. I guess I just need to open up. But it's kinda hard. I haven't really had local friends for years.

Even stranger is that yesterday, I was listening to the song of the day in my thread. Something happened. Maybe the right chord was struck, maybe I subconsciously remembered something from the lyrics, I don't know. I ended up crying my eyes out for an hour or so. I think i cried harder than I've ever cried before. it hurt. It didn't feel like an emotional hurt though. I continued to feel neutrally uninterested when crying. But it was still painful.

I have been slacking in school. I feel exhausted most of the time. I don't feel like eating much. I kinda want to go cry for a while again.
What's wrong with me? Please. Someone help me.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Ok, I see myself in many sentences...It just like I will get there if I continue being like this.

I don't want to talk about myself now, because it should be about you, but I want to explain how you maybe got there. I am a lighter version of you right now...don't feel like going out with friends, feeling rather disconnected from everyone, I don't do things I said I would even though I was looking forward doing them....I am numb, emotionless. But I still have a slight interest in certain things....but not as much as I used to. I go out with friends every now and then and I talk to them and we whare stuff (except how I actually feel and I never talk about things that bother me).

I don't know you, but have you been in this state where I am now?
Maybe you are just in phase that goes after this one, if you don't do anything about it on time.
I guess that after some time of being rather emotionless you became really disconnected from everything. I am not good at going back to being interested in things, friends and life as I''m stuck here, but I guess you should start with baby steps. Maybe to do things even if you would just rather do nothing....go ride a bike, and maybe when you do, you'll remember how good you feel, you'll maybe remember reasons why you liked riding it.

I really hope you'll get over this period stronger and braver than you ever were.
Don't give up on yourself.
-xx

[eeee]

A lot of people experience what you experience. Sometimes people go through phases where nothing interests them... I'm actually in that phase right now. Nothing is wrong with you.

Here's an idea that sounds crazy but actually works: force yourself to do schoolwork. Because doing something boring is better than doing nothing, and it results in good grades.

[CharlieHorse]

Ok, I see myself in many sentences...It just like I will get there if I continue being like this.

I don't want to talk about myself now, because it should be about you, but I want to explain how you maybe got there. I am a lighter version of you right now...don't feel like going out with friends, feeling rather disconnected from everyone, I don't do things I said I would even though I was looking forward doing them....I am numb, emotionless. But I still have a slight interest in certain things....but not as much as I used to. I go out with friends every now and then and I talk to them and we whare stuff (except how I actually feel and I never talk about things that bother me).

I don't know you, but have you been in this state where I am now?
Maybe you are just in phase that goes after this one, if you don't do anything about it on time.
I guess that after some time of being rather emotionless you became really disconnected from everything. I am not good at going back to being interested in things, friends and life as I''m stuck here, but I guess you should start with baby steps. Maybe to do things even if you would just rather do nothing....go ride a bike, and maybe when you do, you'll remember how good you feel, you'll maybe remember reasons why you liked riding it.

I really hope you'll get over this period stronger and braver than you ever were.
Don't give up on yourself.
-xx

Thanks so much. :)

I kind of understand what the progression of the feelings is. I guess in some cases I'm like that, with losing interest in activities, but other things seem more long term. I haven't hung out with someone outside school in years. (Except a few cases). I never really invited anyone or got invited to anywhere with someone else. I haven't really had a best friend since elementary school, before I moved to CA.
I've been wanting a girl for a couple years now, but it hasn't really changed much.
I don't really know how to explain it. Sorry...

Some things will be coming up later, and I'll see if they kick start me in a way.

I don't really feel like I'm changing for the worse much, I'm just realizing how I was for a while... In which case it feels like a recent thing, but not really... idk

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Well, yeah...I guess some things do become worse and some are just the way they are. However it is, I just wanted to point out those things as an example...just so you can think of that and see if it is like that for you in any part. Ayways, it is not that important.

I guess you're rather shy, and speaking from personal experience, it is hard making friends if you are.
I had to really push myself into starting a conversation or just approaching any group. After some time it got easier...but I guess that it could be one of the reasons that you don't have many friends
How are things now? Do you have any good friends at school?

You are a teen and it is normal for you to want to have a girlfriend...I remember myself at that time, being so depressed because I didn't have a boyfriend, so when the first opportunity came I got right into it (don't need to say it was a huge mistake). My point is....not having a gf is not THAT bad. You have pleanty of time for that... I know those words aren't helping you, but nothing really can when it comes to it.
I am single for a while now and I do want a boyfriend, but they just keep avoiding me. I am not as desperate as I was a few years ago, bcause now I know that having a boyfriend doesn't always mean being happy and jolly.

Anyways, to go back at the beginning....I want to point out again that if you wanna feel interested in things again you should start doing things even if you don't feel like doing them. Today I did that and I felt better and I was like "I really love and enjoy doing this."
So maybe you should start too...good luck.

This post includes a little bit of everything, only because I wanted to touch most of the issues you'd pointed out.

-xx

[CharlieHorse]

Well, yeah...I guess some things do become worse and some are just the way they are. However it is, I just wanted to point out those things as an example...just so you can think of that and see if it is like that for you in any part. Ayways, it is not that important.

I guess you're rather shy, and speaking from personal experience, it is hard making friends if you are.
I had to really push myself into starting a conversation or just approaching any group. After some time it got easier...but I guess that it could be one of the reasons that you don't have many friends
How are things now? Do you have any good friends at school?

You are a teen and it is normal for you to want to have a girlfriend...I remember myself at that time, being so depressed because I didn't have a boyfriend, so when the first opportunity came I got right into it (don't need to say it was a huge mistake). My point is....not having a gf is not THAT bad. You have pleanty of time for that... I know those words aren't helping you, but nothing really can when it comes to it.
I am single for a while now and I do want a boyfriend, but they just keep avoiding me. I am not as desperate as I was a few years ago, bcause now I know that having a boyfriend doesn't always mean being happy and jolly.

Anyways, to go back at the beginning....I want to point out again that if you wanna feel interested in things again you should start doing things even if you don't feel like doing them. Today I did that and I felt better and I was like "I really love and enjoy doing this."
So maybe you should start too...good luck.

This post includes a little bit of everything, only because I wanted to touch most of the issues you'd pointed out.

-xx

wow.
This helped a lot :)

I guess I am pretty shy. I'll try to get myself into more conversations. I just worry about coming off weird to the person. I'm talking to. I can be pretty goofy sometimes.

I do have friends at school. I'm just, in a way, scared to ask to hang out or invite them anywhere outside of school... Probably because I haven't done anything like that in a long time.
It kind of seems that my friends always have better friends that they'd rather hang out with, so they lean towards them... idk.

Yeah I do realize that my "want" for a girlfriend is mostly just because I'm a teen. I guess I can't help it. I'm aware that sometimes relationships are really hard. My brother and his girlfriend are in conflict almost every day about this or that, which sometimes leads to an argument, but they always pull back together and make up. They've been together for 2 years. They both take great measures to preserve their relationship, and I'm kind of learning from it in a way.

I guess what I really want is a close friend that I can tell everything to. And we could be goofy and hang out and go to restaurants or play games or do other activities. I guess I think that a girlfriend would be all that, and I'd be all that for her too.

I think I'll try getting myself to do more activities like you suggested. That makes sense.
I think I can find an opportunity in school clubs. There's a frisbee club that I'm interested in getting more involved in and an android developers club where i could learn how to make apps for my favorite mobile OS. There's lots of opportunities, I know, but for some reason, I've been avoiding them.
Could it really be that I'm just shy? I get the impression sometimes that people annoy me sometimes. Maybe I'm just confused.

Your responses are very helpful. Thanks :)

[LouBerry]

Well, the lovely lady before me is probably a better help than I am, but if things overwhelm you, you can always talk to me. I know what it's like to see all your friends and family going about their lives and feeling like you are separated from them, but besides that, I'm a really good listener.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Believe me, being goofy is not bad at all...it is fun, and interesting. What I've learned over the years is that it is ok to be shy and also, to accept it as a part of who I am. Many people maybe think I am boring and weird because I feel strange around people I don't know, but all my close friends think I am kind of crazy (in a good way). Around them I am relaxed, goofy, funny...so those who stay long enough to get to know me and become my friends can see that other side of me. And I guess it's not such a bad thing...I like to think that makes me interesting.

So, you are shy...but never forget that there are many shy people out there...so maybe if you recongize someone who is shy it will be easier to come and talk to that person.
I was always alone at school, until I met my still best friend. She really changed me. She was the first one in school who got to know me, and she liked my personality. She told me it's ok to speak up, and come to people and just say hi and start a conversation. And now, 6 years later, I can say "Hi" to a stranger and be more relaxed around people.
It is still hard to do that, especially in a group of people and I can still be found sitting alone if I am around new people, but I find it much easier to start a conversation.

So, a first step is I guess just accepting the fact that you are shy and that it is not something that you can really change. Also, believe that being shy is not a bad thing. Once you overcome that, you can start pushing yourself little by little, find good opportunities and practice. You can also invite friends to just hang out. At first call just one good friend and suggest riding a bike, playing games, hanging around etc. When you call your friend to spend time together they will start calling you too, trust me.
Take baby steps, and do one thing at a time. Also, don't br afraid of what others will think....be yourself amd enjoy. If a person likes you, it's great, and if don't well it's not a big deal, you'll find someone else.

All the things you mentioned you want to do with a girlfriend you can do with a friend aswell. Going to restaurants is not maybe sth you will do with a male friend, but you can have fun and be goofy with friends. I do all those things you mentioned with my best friendso you can too.

Joining a club is a great thing to get involved and do stuff and also good way of meeting new people who have interest in same things you do. I would recommmend joining one club at first, because you don't want to just throw yourself and start with too many things at first.
Small steps are a really good thing, I suppose.

It is normal that sometimes ppl annoy you, so don't worry about that.
Good thing about spending more time with your friends is that you'll feel much better about yourself and life in general. Life is so much easier when you have your "people" around you.

Be precious, as you already are, be with your friends, smile, cry, laugh, yell, jump, scream, dance, sing, get rid of your fears, dream big, do things you though you never would, do what you love and love what you do. I know these things sound cheesy, but actually all those things will make you feel alive, and what we need, my friend, is to feel alive, so let's be alive together.

P.S. I am happy you find this posts helpful, so you are very welcome and thank you because by helping you I found some answers I was looking for myself.

[Luminous]

I know what that feels like.
Try choosing an activity that doesn't take much effort- a video game, Youtube, book series, etc- and tell yourself "Yes, I am going to enjoy this, and it is going to be awesome." Obviously just saying that won't do that much at first, but just keep forcing yourself to have fun, just think, "Yes, I am having fun." It's all in your head, so you need to teach yourself to think and feel a different way. Once you have started getting the hang of forcing yourself to be happy with a small, mostly effortless activity, try this with bigger activities like talking with a friend.
It's called optimism, and you may think it's overrated because it's a cliche,but a lot of people take it for granted. As Shay Butler says (a well known Youtuber), "The secrets to life are hidden behind the word cliche." He lost 100 pounds, because he worked hard. It's similar to this.

[CharlieHorse]

Believe me, being goofy is not bad at all...it is fun, and interesting. What I've learned over the years is that it is ok to be shy and also, to accept it as a part of who I am. Many people maybe think I am boring and weird because I feel strange around people I don't know, but all my close friends think I am kind of crazy (in a good way). Around them I am relaxed, goofy, funny...so those who stay long enough to get to know me and become my friends can see that other side of me. And I guess it's not such a bad thing...I like to think that makes me interesting.

So, you are shy...but never forget that there are many shy people out there...so maybe if you recongize someone who is shy it will be easier to come and talk to that person.
I was always alone at school, until I met my still best friend. She really changed me. She was the first one in school who got to know me, and she liked my personality. She told me it's ok to speak up, and come to people and just say hi and start a conversation. And now, 6 years later, I can say "Hi" to a stranger and be more relaxed around people.
It is still hard to do that, especially in a group of people and I can still be found sitting alone if I am around new people, but I find it much easier to start a conversation.

So, a first step is I guess just accepting the fact that you are shy and that it is not something that you can really change. Also, believe that being shy is not a bad thing. Once you overcome that, you can start pushing yourself little by little, find good opportunities and practice. You can also invite friends to just hang out. At first call just one good friend and suggest riding a bike, playing games, hanging around etc. When you call your friend to spend time together they will start calling you too, trust me.
Take baby steps, and do one thing at a time. Also, don't br afraid of what others will think....be yourself amd enjoy. If a person likes you, it's great, and if don't well it's not a big deal, you'll find someone else.

All the things you mentioned you want to do with a girlfriend you can do with a friend aswell. Going to restaurants is not maybe sth you will do with a male friend, but you can have fun and be goofy with friends. I do all those things you mentioned with my best friendso you can too.

Joining a club is a great thing to get involved and do stuff and also good way of meeting new people who have interest in same things you do. I would recommmend joining one club at first, because you don't want to just throw yourself and start with too many things at first.
Small steps are a really good thing, I suppose.

It is normal that sometimes ppl annoy you, so don't worry about that.
Good thing about spending more time with your friends is that you'll feel much better about yourself and life in general. Life is so much easier when you have your "people" around you.

Be precious, as you already are, be with your friends, smile, cry, laugh, yell, jump, scream, dance, sing, get rid of your fears, dream big, do things you though you never would, do what you love and love what you do. I know these things sound cheesy, but actually all those things will make you feel alive, and what we need, my friend, is to feel alive, so let's be alive together.

P.S. I am happy you find this posts helpful, so you are very welcome and thank you because by helping you I found some answers I was looking for myself.

I know what that feels like.
Try choosing an activity that doesn't take much effort- a video game, Youtube, book series, etc- and tell yourself "Yes, I am going to enjoy this, and it is going to be awesome." Obviously just saying that won't do that much at first, but just keep forcing yourself to have fun, just think, "Yes, I am having fun." It's all in your head, so you need to teach yourself to think and feel a different way. Once you have started getting the hang of forcing yourself to be happy with a small, mostly effortless activity, try this with bigger activities like talking with a friend.
It's called optimism, and you may think it's overrated because it's a cliche,but a lot of people take it for granted. As Shay Butler says (a well known Youtuber), "The secrets to life are hidden behind the word cliche." He lost 100 pounds, because he worked hard. It's similar to this.

thank you so much guys :)
i feel a lot better now :)
now i just have to worry about homework... -_-

[Luminous]

now i just have to worry about homework... -_-

Oh god.. don't remind me!

I'm glad to have helped :)

[CharlieHorse]

It's been about a month. I've tried doing things. Nothing has really worked. I still feel really low. Not sure what to do now.

One of the few things I've found interest in is working with gimp to edit photos. I made a little sig pic for halloween. But I can't spend more time than I do on the computer. I feel really cooped up and sad in my room.