Doormat

[Gumleaf]

I've had many friends over the last 6 years that i've been close to. Then the majority of them have dropped me without a care in the world. I've talked about this in other threads before, but it's really hurting me everytime this happens. Why am I talking about this again? I've had a close friend for 4 years now. I was there for her for over 3 years of very bad stuff happening in her life. Then from the end of last year, things turned around for her, Things started falling into place, she got a boyfriend and her general life just improved. I knew she was busy and we'd talk less and that's what happened. Then about 4 months ago she stopped talking to me altogether. She's logged onto Skype a few times, but has always ignored me.

It hurts yknow. She knows so much about me and she knows all about the all the other 'friends' before doing similar things to me and she does the same. I mean, I understand times change and people change, it's part of life, I get that. But is it too much to ask for people just to say 'hey, we're not going to be able to talk so much now because of x, y and z'???

Maybe it's me? Maybe i'm too nice to people, maybe I expect too much, maybe people just see me as a doormat who deserves to be trampled on or maybe i'm just a boring person people get sick of???? I really don't know? Maybe I have a rose coloured view of things and this is how most people are?

I really love my friends, I really care for them and treat them how I think they deserve to be treated and loved. I don't expect everyone will be the same and stuff. But all I want is for someone to treat me, well if not the same way as I treat them, but similar to that at least and not walk all over me. I really don't know what to do, I open my heart and then get it crushed everytime. I'm just longing for someone to love me for me as a person and not someone just to be there as long as they need me.

Sorry for the rant, but what happened a few hours ago has stirred this all up again and I hate it. Sorry. :(:(:(

[Alexwellace]

Have you actually talked to her about it? To me it seems that a friend has stopped talking to you and you are assuming the worst based on previous experiences. This isn't bad, but its important to take each new situation as a totally different one to a previosu one, no matter the similarities. If you where as close friends as you used to be, simply go up to her and hang out. Don't throw accusations, don't be gloomy or feel left out, pretend she hasn't ignored you at all and its just like old times. Then, and only then, if she is still distant and ignores you do you ask her if everything is ok, again, accusations don't fix friendships. Then, if there is a problem, she will tell you about it. Maybe her new boyfriend is uncomfortable with how close you two where, so he asked her to be more distant. Or maybe she is really busy with school work. The only way to know is to ask her, and there is no point sneaking back into a cave of selfpity when you don't Really know if you have been rejected in the first place.

Alex

[Mynick]

Sorry i can only answer now.
You may expect too much, you are awsome, you help them so much so its normal that you
expect that they'll treat you in the same way. And they should. It can also be most of them are scumbags, only talk when they need help then they'll leave.
You need and you'll find the right person. Sooner or later you will.

[sqishy]

What you're doing is fine except for you may be valuing someone as a friend more than that friend is valuing you. Make sure you don't get overoptimistic and close in a friendship, because you have more to lose if it ends.

[Gumleaf]

Have you actually talked to her about it? To me it seems that a friend has stopped talking to you and you are assuming the worst based on previous experiences. This isn't bad, but its important to take each new situation as a totally different one to a previosu one, no matter the similarities. If you where as close friends as you used to be, simply go up to her and hang out. Don't throw accusations, don't be gloomy or feel left out, pretend she hasn't ignored you at all and its just like old times. Then, and only then, if she is still distant and ignores you do you ask her if everything is ok, again, accusations don't fix friendships. Then, if there is a problem, she will tell you about it. Maybe her new boyfriend is uncomfortable with how close you two where, so he asked her to be more distant. Or maybe she is really busy with school work. The only way to know is to ask her, and there is no point sneaking back into a cave of selfpity when you don't Really know if you have been rejected in the first place.

Alex


Yeah, thanks for that. It's a little more complicated though and she has ignored my attempts to communicate with her.

[Moth]

You actually sound so much like me, people have been like that with me, and those questions are questions I've asked and doubted myself with many, many sleepless nights in the past.
My only remedy is the hope that I find a woman who feels the same and I can get into a relationship that is just solely loving and compassionate

[Gumleaf]

This particular friend has mysteriously started talking to me again out of the blue. It's not the same as it used to be and I don't know whether this means we'll talk frequently again like before, but it does show one thing and that is people can be full of surprises when you least expect it.

[Luminous]

This particular friend has mysteriously started talking to me again out of the blue. It's not the same as it used to be and I don't know whether this means we'll talk frequently again like before, but it does show one thing and that is people can be full of surprises when you least expect it.
Well hopefully it will be okay. For all you know, when she logged onto Skype it could have been, say, a sibling or roomate using her computer.

I wrote a blog post a bit back about similar experiences I have had, you may be interested to read it. http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/blog.php?b=40291

[Gumleaf]

Well hopefully it will be okay. For all you know, when she logged onto Skype it could have been, say, a sibling or roomate using her computer.

I wrote a blog post a bit back about similar experiences I have had, you may be interested to read it. http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/blog.php?b=40291

I did read your blog. I think you look for the same things I do in friends.

[Living For Love]

This particular friend has mysteriously started talking to me again out of the blue. It's not the same as it used to be and I don't know whether this means we'll talk frequently again like before, but it does show one thing and that is people can be full of surprises when you least expect it.

That's a good start, but real friends don't have to act with "surprise" to each other. I know what you mean, though, but unless something bad or different happend on her life, there's no reason for her to stop talking to you and start again like nothing happened. It can also be her boyfriend's influence, and that's somewhat understandable, but you need to know her better, and don't let this upset you very much.