1_21Guns
September 15th, 2013, 02:53 PM
I started college fully last week, there is one girl I know from my previous course on this course, another boy who is one my boyfriends friends. I'm also partially talking to another girl on the course but apart from that I don't know anyone else. I feel like I'm struggling quite badly with anxiety, worse than I ever have before.
After being in for two days last week I suddenly fell quite ill as far to throw up after I had been awake around 20 minutes, 10 of which I spent curled up in a ball hoping I wouldn't be sick and another 10 trying to eat something which came more or less straight back up. After a couple of days off I began to feel better (I fortunately have Fridays off anyway) but as it looms further towards tomorrow when I'll be going in again I'm starting to feel sick and weak, I'm shaking a lot and occasionally practically convince myself I have a serious and fatal illness for a while until I shake the feeling off my mind by distracting myself. My left leg keeps feeling somewhat numb (but I can still move it) and I get headaches that feel more like dull aches however I have had shooting pains twice over the last 4 months or so.
I feel like something bad is going to happen almost constantly and I have no idea why. I'm not even sure why going back to college is making me feel this way, it's not even a new place just new people for a year but I'm beginning to wonder if my illness is in fact anxiety related. I've always had the odd rough patch with feeling very anxious, but never this bad. I don't know if after everything that's happened over the last few years I just don't know how to cope any more or what. I can't get to the doctors until Friday and that's only if I manage to push myself to go and I can't take any more days off if I get like this again because I've missed too much already. I don't know what to do. Cutting is looking more and more like a way to cope but I know it's not, I'm smoking more after I'd practically cut down to next to nothing because I just don't know how to deal with this. The more I think about it the stronger the dull ache in my head gets. What am I to do? I don't know any more.
After being in for two days last week I suddenly fell quite ill as far to throw up after I had been awake around 20 minutes, 10 of which I spent curled up in a ball hoping I wouldn't be sick and another 10 trying to eat something which came more or less straight back up. After a couple of days off I began to feel better (I fortunately have Fridays off anyway) but as it looms further towards tomorrow when I'll be going in again I'm starting to feel sick and weak, I'm shaking a lot and occasionally practically convince myself I have a serious and fatal illness for a while until I shake the feeling off my mind by distracting myself. My left leg keeps feeling somewhat numb (but I can still move it) and I get headaches that feel more like dull aches however I have had shooting pains twice over the last 4 months or so.
I feel like something bad is going to happen almost constantly and I have no idea why. I'm not even sure why going back to college is making me feel this way, it's not even a new place just new people for a year but I'm beginning to wonder if my illness is in fact anxiety related. I've always had the odd rough patch with feeling very anxious, but never this bad. I don't know if after everything that's happened over the last few years I just don't know how to cope any more or what. I can't get to the doctors until Friday and that's only if I manage to push myself to go and I can't take any more days off if I get like this again because I've missed too much already. I don't know what to do. Cutting is looking more and more like a way to cope but I know it's not, I'm smoking more after I'd practically cut down to next to nothing because I just don't know how to deal with this. The more I think about it the stronger the dull ache in my head gets. What am I to do? I don't know any more.