Need to change???

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Ppl keep telling me I've changed soo much....that I became this cold, emotionless person...and they are right.
I am cold, hard, I yell alot, I can't hug anyone, I haven't said "I love you" to anyone in a really long time...I don't reply to any texts, and later I just make up a story why I didn't. I swear much more, I love to be all alone, don't feel like doing anything...I spend my days being on the internet, listening to music or watching series and even if I know I am wasting my time I don't mind. In those moments I don't think about anything and I like that.
I used to go out with my friends all the time and after some time telling them I can't, they stopped calling and I'm not even sorry. I feel like I don't need them. I've become so numb I can't even laugh like I used to.

And though I know I am f*cked up I don't want to change..or maybe I want. I don't know. If I wanna change I need to start talking about my feeling and I really hate doing that. Nothing big or scary happened to me, I am just a person that was never been able to talk about how I feel and after years and years of keeping everything inside I became this person.
And I hate when ppl say that if nothing terrible happened to you that you can't act like I do (my bestfriend told me that)...

I just had to put this down, to write this...Is there anyone who feels same or similar?

[Mynick]

Well i can relate to most of that. If you want to change you could start changing small things. Maybe start replying when people text you, leave the computer for a bit (yeah i know how hard this is). Then you can move to other big things. Start going out with some friends, smile sometimes even if you dont want to laugh/smile, we actually feel better when we smile even if its forced.

[kylem1229]

Im kind of like that too, im thinking it might just be a phase. I was happy as can be, now im just not as "out there" with people. Sure I like to help people and family and stuff like that. But just not as sociable on the inside, but try to on the outside. Hard for me to explain, not sure if this makes any sense or not.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Yeah, I guess I could start with small things first...but after a while I will fall back againg because the real problem is my silence....has anyone have tips how to start talking about your feelings?? It's the hardest thing for me...I just feel that if I say what bothers me or makes me sad that my friend would think it's stupid, that she wouldn't understand me...also I feel exposed when talking about feeling, as if you're giving a person part of yourself you can never get back.

Anyways, thanks for the replies...it's good to know there are someone who is in similar state...

[eeee]

You'd be surprised at how many people are willing to listen to you. Nobody thinks it's stupid if you are feeling down or have issues. Know that and truly understand that.

As for changing, I am not a fan of changing personalities, but here's a tip: fake a smile. Not even a visible smile, just an "inside smile". It'll make a difference, I promise. It may even become real after a while.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

I don't want to change my personality...I am who I am, and I don't think I can change that.
But being this numb and emotionless is not part of my personality.
Thanks for your support :)

[eeee]

That will go away with time. Trust me, it is NOT permanent.

[Steve Jobs]

I've been feeling the same way you've been man.
Is there any part of your childhood that's suppressed you into becoming who you are?

Every time I look back and think at my past - many things have happened that bottled me up and kept my emotions frozen. It's quite depressing. I meet so many new people and often hear some of their story, but there's nothing in me that ever wants to bring things deeper. It's hard to explain huh? :P

[Conqueror of Hearts]

I've been feeling the same way you've been man.
Is there any part of your childhood that's suppressed you into becoming who you are?

Every time I look back and think at my past - many things have happened that bottled me up and kept my emotions frozen. It's quite depressing. I meet so many new people and often hear some of their story, but there's nothing in me that ever wants to bring things deeper. It's hard to explain huh? :P

Well I guess that I kept my emotions in because I didn't want to put more weight on my parents shoulders. My older sister is completely different...she would scream and yell and argue all the time when we were younger and I just kept quiet. Imagine if we were both screaming...that would be a complete mess.
I don't blame her for anything though.
Also, when I was about 6, 7, my parents started fighting alot, later they divorced, and those years were really tough and hard for them, and I didn't took their separation well as I was only10 when that happened. My mother cried alot and I remember her asking me how I felt and I just kept saying "I'm fine.It's not a big deal."
I knew she would feel worse if she knew I was sad and my sister was making it hard already bleaming her for everything.

So I guess there are things from my childhood that made the person I am today.

[Vince]

I can relate. I'd like to think the problem is mostly fixed by now, but some of the numbness still remains. I'm still not entirely sure what the cause was, but I have my guesses.

I think you do want to change. I doubt you would have made this thread if you didn't. It's an indication that somewhere in your subconscious, you want to be different. So it's best you embrace that fact now.

Anyways, the obvious solution, that everyone will tell you, is to simply put yourself out there. To try to get out of your comfort zone, talk to people, spend time outside the house, etc. But the cold truth, however, is that if you don't solve the problem at it's root, you can't just do all of these things. You'd be doing it halfheartedly, until the point at which you'd give up and go back to your old lifestyle. The solution isn't always that simple, especially when it has to do with the emotions that feel you innately, at all moments of the day.

I pretty much did the same thing you are doing now, and still sort of do it today. That being, kinda just sit at my computer all day. The internet is great for wasting time when you have nothing else to do, but it's not very fulfilling. And I think that is/was my problem, and could be yours, as well. You lack fulfillment. Obviously, I don't know everything about your life, I'm just making an assumption here, but I've concluded it's what caused it for me and it could be the same for you, if I am right in my assumption.

So if that is the case, and you are not feeling fulfilled, you have nothing to be excited about. You don't feel proud of yourself. And when you lack good emotions in your life, you become cold and repressed. After a while of that, the frustration starts to build and you'll become more irritable and angry. It's not a healthy way to live.

So, what I suggest, that is working for me, is find something to be passionate about. You said you don't feel like doing anything, and I get that, but sitting around doing nothing won't make you any more ambitious. Find something that sounds cool or interesting, and give it a shot. Preferably one that would involve other people. Maybe you changed and your friends aren't right for you anymore, maybe you need to find some new ones. Or maybe you don't. You won't know until you try, though. Find something that makes you smile for a short period of time, do it on a regular basis, and you'll start to feel better all the time. The return to a normal, stable, emotional condition can come later. For now, do not worry about the people whose toes you might be stepping on currently, focus on you and your happiness. Worry about everyone else afterwards.

I don't know you, of course, so I can't suggest what that thing to feel passionate about could be, but I promise, there's something for everyone. Remember, the feeling of detachment that is so prevalent in your life right now is very much a temporary thing, but it's only as temporary as you make it. It's true, this might just go away with time, but why sit around waiting for it to solve itself?

[Luminous]

I used to be like that. But then I forced myself, completely forced myself to be happy, and I realized it's so much better. Optimism is real, the secrets to life are hidden behind the word cliche, and if you want it to be, happiness is a choice.

[Steve Jobs]

Well I guess that I kept my emotions in because I didn't want to put more weight on my parents shoulders. My older sister is completely different...she would scream and yell and argue all the time when we were younger and I just kept quiet. Imagine if we were both screaming...that would be a complete mess.
I don't blame her for anything though.
Also, when I was about 6, 7, my parents started fighting alot, later they divorced, and those years were really tough and hard for them, and I didn't took their separation well as I was only10 when that happened. My mother cried alot and I remember her asking me how I felt and I just kept saying "I'm fine.It's not a big deal."
I knew she would feel worse if she knew I was sad and my sister was making it hard already bleaming her for everything.

So I guess there are things from my childhood that made the person I am today.

It comes back and haunts you right?
I remember in the old days when I was constantly troubled by littler things. I was super self-conscious, so self aware and I constantly thought about things, and one day I just stopped giving a shit about everything.

I don't know how much control I had of that moment, but since then, I never really cared about anything anymore. I've had family pass away, I've fucked up my relationship with my best friend, done really badly at school (during a certain period) and nothing even mattered.

I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I still see a point in life, I still have a goal I'm working towards.. but I wish I felt and realized it a lot more than I really do.

Weird huh. :confused:

[sqishy]

I got a smaller version of this when I confronted myself (my personality and self), and it was a leap ahead in my life. It is a phase that will pass, don't worry.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

It comes back and haunts you right?
I remember in the old days when I was constantly troubled by littler things. I was super self-conscious, so self aware and I constantly thought about things, and one day I just stopped giving a shit about everything.

I don't know how much control I had of that moment, but since then, I never really cared about anything anymore. I've had family pass away, I've fucked up my relationship with my best friend, done really badly at school (during a certain period) and nothing even mattered.

I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I still see a point in life, I still have a goal I'm working towards.. but I wish I felt and realized it a lot more than I really do.

Weird huh. :confused:

Yeah, I am in that state now.
Still see a point, but just don't know how to get out of this f....place.

I thought that being like this would mean that I contol my emotions but that is not true.
I would just like to be able to really control them, to feel but to know when to keep them down. Do you think it's possible??
Are you still like that (don't care etc...)?

[Steve Jobs]

Yeah, I am in that state now.
Still see a point, but just don't know how to get out of this f....place.

I thought that being like this would mean that I contol my emotions but that is not true.
I would just like to be able to really control them, to feel but to know when to keep them down. Do you think it's possible??
Are you still like that (don't care etc...)?

I don't know man. I still feel like that all the time. I don't care when I'm late to something, do something wrong or unintentionally offend someone. And I tend to be super punctual and am a perfectionist by nature.

Sometimes I get little spur of the moment type things when I get a feeling of something, but it really doesn't matter. It kind of sucks I'm surrounded by people I can never consider 'friends'. They're untrustworthy, or they're super competitive at college. It's the kind of vibe that makes me all the more not want to care.