My Grandma

[Ashleigh]

My Grandma was an amazing woman. But she passed away 12 years ago.... Lung cancer took her.
12 years my Aunt kept her ashes on her mantle and my two Aunts and my Uncle all decided that last weekend was the time to let go and spread her ashes.
Thing is my sister, mother and I couldn't make it. So 12 years we have gone without being able to say goodbye and now we will never be able to. Not properly. They went anyway even my cousin who didn't meet her and their partners and their kids... they didnt even know her and they went without us and all of a sudden it's like im 5 again and she's gone and it hurts.
I don't know how I should feel.

[Allain1996]

I'm so sorry this happened.
It is ok to feel grief over the loss of a loved one, even 12 years later! I'm assuming you and her were pretty close?
Your family shouldn't have done that without you guys!

[byee]

Oh, how awful! Did they not know you'd want to participate in this?

There are a couple of issues here: Their decision to do this without your involvement...which you and your family might need to address with them if only to get it off your chest...and as you said, being able to give your Grandma a personal send off.

I tend to get philosophical when it comes to death of close Ones, I believe that when you really love someone (and they, you), they never really leave you..the attachment remains forever, it's just the form of the attachment that changes, they are no longer physically of this universe. But emotionally, they are right in there where they always have been.

I think you and your family should try to separate the emotional attachment (that will endure forever) from the physical remains (the ashes) that you were sadly not allowed to view as they were scattered. And come up with your own way of saying good bye to the physical part of her.

[Moth]

I lost my Grandmother from Lung cancer too, was about as long ago as yours also. She was in her 40's. I never got to say goodbye to mine either, and I was close to her. I know how it feels.
Even though you never got to say goodbye properly, but those other people did... take comfort in knowing you got to say 'Hello' to this "amazing woman" and they didn't.
It's perfectly fine to be upset about something like this, but I hope you can smile from some of your memories with her, and not just get upset :)
Chin up love ^^