Is it possible to ever have a relationship with a girl who thinks your unattractive?

[Paul Genge]

I posted this on my blog a few months ago when I was a senior in HS. I am now graduated. However this issue still remains.



Certain events have led me to believe that one of the major reasons for my rejection by the young lady I am interested in is due to my appearance. I know I am unattractive, yet apparently more than I previously thought.

Apparently, my appearance is not satisfactory by this girl’s standards.

My question for you today is this: Do you believe it is possible for someone to eventually come to accept another for a relationship regardless of an appearance issue. Could they ever possibly see beyond the outside appearance of a person, and come to know the qualities/traits which truly define their character?

I previously posted that I believed this type of judgment to be grossly unfair. After much debate with others on this forum, I have come to recognize that it is not possible to minimize the issue, because apparently appearance IS very important.

I am curious to see what you think. Please share your thoughts and opinions regarding this question

[Mynick]

I think is totally possible to someone like you even though you think you are ugly. Most of the time we too self conscious, we exaggerate and we are too hard about ourselfs.
Even if we are not top models i think girls can take in count our inner self.

[MoonMan]

It depends on the person. It's true that one of the first things we notice about someone is their appearance and we judge them on it, it's human nature. I also think physical attraction can play a huge part in a relationship, but not everyone is attracted to the same things, and there are exceptions to every rule. Some might be able to overlook appearance for a compensating personality, some wouldn't. It varies and it would hard to pinpoint, but I highly doubt it's totally impossible for what you're saying to happen, it would just be harder to find so to speak.

[ksdnfkfr]

I've seen girls/women with boyfriends/husbands who were unattractive or had some kind of psychical defect or deformity.

[teen.jpg]

Why would you want that though? Why would you settle for someone who doesn't find you attractive?

[Paul Genge]

Why would you want that though? Why would you settle for someone who doesn't find you attractive?

I would never consider anyone else besides the one and only girl that I am interested in.

As I said earlier. See the page link on my profile for more details.

Thanks

[Blood]

Its perfectly possible. However, I would advise against it, because a good relationship is built on emotional AND physical attraction.

[byee]

I would never consider anyone else besides the one and only girl that I am interested in.

Paul, this ^ is the real problem.

Attraction is a very personal thing, and yes, as people get to know each other, they tend to not only find their mates more attractive, but attractive in other ways. But, initial attraction (which is highly subjective) is often required to start the whole thing off.

If you are unwilling to pursue any other females other than this one who has unequivocally told you NO, then you are in for a lot of heart ache. You can't change someone else's attraction to you, and it's really hard to change their feelings of you if they're that closed minded. You can try, but it's an uphill battle, it's much easier to work with nature.

As they say, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Try to move beyond your own disappointment and see if there aren't other females out there that might appreciate you.

[1_21Guns]

Someone somewhere will find you attractive and that's just the point, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yes some people have a lot of people who find them attractive, others do not, sometimes you just have to sit things out and eventually someone will come to you

[Paul Genge]

Paul, this ^ is the real problem.

Attraction is a very personal thing, and yes, as people get to know each other, they tend to not only find their mates more attractive, but attractive in other ways. But, initial attraction (which is highly subjective) is often required to start the whole thing off.

If you are unwilling to pursue any other females other than this one who has unequivocally told you NO, then you are in for a lot of heart ache. You can't change someone else's attraction to you, and it's really hard to change their feelings of you if they're that closed minded. You can try, but it's an uphill battle, it's much easier to work with nature.

As they say, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Try to move beyond your own disappointment and see if there aren't other females out there that might appreciate you.

If you had met/seen this girl in person, you would understand why I would never consider anyone else. I have agreed to remain single for the rest of my life if she does not change her mind. ( Read the post I linked to if you still do not understand.)



Since I am an only child I have also decided she will be my sole beneficiary, when the day comes.

Any other suggestions??

[MoonMan]

Any other suggestions??

Have you spoken to her about this? Are there other things she likes about you that can maybe compensate for her not finding you attractive? Usually I would say you should move on and not try and force anything, but seeing how that's not an option for you I haven't a clue on what you want us to say. You seem a bit fixated on her and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not....

[Luminous]

It's possible with many people but if this girl rejected you because of how you look, nothing's going to happen with her. But there are plenty of other people in this world who don't give a damn about what you look like.

[Cygnus]

I am not the most attractive person on this planet, and my ex-girlfriend told me that if I wouldn't have had a great personality she would not have been with me because my looks aren't that great (and I'm literally quoting her). Therefore it is entirely possible since I lived something like that, then again my ex is an ex for a reason.

[Paul Genge]

I still think that she should give me a chance. I did not choose to be born unattractive.

[MoonMan]

I still think that she should give me a chance. I did not choose to be born unattractive.

And she didn't choose to be unattracted to you, it's just not there man. There's plenty of unattractive people who find partners who'll love them, but you just can't please everyone, even if you were attractive. If that's you in your profile pic I don't really see the problem, you look pretty normal. I think it's mainly just her taste and preferences, both are something everyone is entitled to and you really can't do anything about.

[Syvelocin]

See, your looks and a person's attraction to you are two different things. You can be the hottest person on the planet and people won't be attracted to you, and likewise you can be a 2 and someone can be insanely attracted to you. I think attraction is so important, but this is separate from how good-looking you are. If she isn't attracted, I don't see a whole lot of happiness in that relationship. Like, my girlfriend, it isn't that she's pretty (though she is), it's that I love her as a whole. It's more than physique, healthy hair and skin, boobs, etc. I don't know how to explain this lol. Like when you stop liking a girl for specific parts of her (smile, kindness, laugh) and start liking her for being her, purely that. I've been in relationships that were completely based on personality and they all ended in about a month. As sweet as they were, I ended up just so bored, and even regretting the relationship entirely.

[byee]

I still think that she should give me a chance. I did not choose to be born unattractive.

You're absolutely correct! However, it doesn't seem that she's going to change her mind, so it's up to you to let go and move on.

Why do you suppose that is so hard for you?

[Paul Genge]

You're absolutely correct! However, it doesn't seem that she's going to change her mind, so it's up to you to let go and move on.

Why do you suppose that is so hard for you?

I have already willed, whatever I have left to her(when I die).

If you cannot understand why I would never consider anyone else, you have not been reading this thread carefully.

[faceinthecrowd]

Really depends on the person seeing it as we all have our own perception as to what is attractive and what isn't. Some men might only want to date girls who look like supermodels, while others will settle for less. I mean, for me at least, appearance does play a role in a relationship, but not significantly. I'm not really picky when it comes to physical characteristics as long as the girl has the type of personality that I can admire.