i told him were on a break.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

OK so i finally did it...sort of. I"ve been having doubt about my relationship for a while now..
let me start from the beigning.

k so recently i've started hanging out with Jared, a guy that goes to my school thats really cool and fun to hang out with.
(did i mention hes GORGEOUS?)
anyways, i happened to know he has a thing for me, at first it was just a feeling but then he sort of admitted to Laila.
now i have met up with him and smoked a joint like everyday for a week and a half.
havn't been telling Laila (she'd hit me XD) or Brendan obviously

i havn't done anything, its not like I've ever planning on cheating on bar, thats why I'm okay with myself hanging out with him alone, because i know i can trust myself.

now me hanging out with Jared has nothing to do with my decision (well maybe like 2% but thats only cuz he makes me miss being single) its just that he happened to start hanging out with me at the same time as my doubts about my relationship.

So i got REALLY drunk last night. with Brittany (i brought her along so i wouldn't do anything) and Jared at one of his friends houses with his friends.
i got too drunk (big surprise to those that know me eh?)

So yea, i run outside and puke and Brit tells everyone were going cuz I'm too drunk. she come outside, i finish puking, and tell her i feel a lot better, so we buy a pop,i rinse my mouth and we go back and just tell them i needed to puke XD

so i get the spins and go sit outside (in the freezing cold) and talk to some people and start rammbling to Brit about how I'm breaking it off with Brendan tonight.

so anyways i get my dad to pick me up (i don't know WHY he never said ANYTHING about the fact that i was HAMMERED) an sleep for a couple hours
did i mention it wasn't even ten by this point?

and Brendan calls. i act like shit is fine, tell him I'm hammered and upset tho cuz I'm really stressed.
then get off the phone and text him
saying

"this is too hard, i think we should go on a short break, i love you but i'm really confused"

which is true,
because if i keep having these doubts, like ALWAYS, but I'm always too scared that there just stupid reasons, so i don't break up with him.l so i think a break is the best thing.

he didn't react as bad as i expected. he said he was shaking and he didn't understand
so we talked and we cleared out that a short break was going to be a week, and we'd only talk on msn (even thought we work together and have to work together tonight><)

so the reasons i drank WAY too fast:
well i was sharing my beer with Brit so i didn't think I'd get drunk and drank fast.
i was scared about my feelings about Brendan and confused
my brother threated me, once again.

so now were on a break, but the first time i get drunk in front of Jared i emberessed myself completly=[
and the worst part i tried calling him @like 11:40 and texted him three times saying
1.new phones confusing:S
2. my dads mad i'm drunk (lie)
3. sorry about getting too drunk

he didn't reply to any.
ughh. i hope he doesn't think i'm a horrible drunk and change opinions of me.

[chris__robin]

if you have these feelings for another guy do you think you have a meaningful, continuing relationship with your current bf? what if jared goes and you find another guy you like while still with your bf?
i guess it depends why you are having doubts about your relationship, is it something he is doing or just your own feelings. if it is him you should use the break as time to think and then talk to him to try to resolve things.
if it is you and you have been unsure for a long time about your relationship you should tell him instead of keeping him in the dark and dragging him through a relationship he is just going to get hurt in at the end coz that's pretty cruel.
btw, you seem more concerned about jared's perception of you rather than the relationship with the guy you say you love.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

yea, i know it seems like i care a lot more about what jared thinks, i guess its because i just met him and i dont want him to get the wrong impression.
its not like jared is the reason why i'm having these doubts and the reason i chose to tell brendan we're on a break, i've had these feelings for a long time, its jsut now that we've been together for 4 months and i STILL have these doubts that i've always had i think somethings wrong then, i dont want to keep going in this relationship if thats the way i'm always going to feel and its njto going to go away, thats why i think a break, some time to be on my own and really get to the bottom of how i feel is good (jared isnt really improtant, its jsut something that happened at the same time, i would care much if it turns out he wasnt interested)

[chris__robin]

fair enough,
and yeah i think it is good that you have taken a break coz it really is a good time to think, but also to live your life without that person and see how you feel and function.
if you have always had the doubts ... to be really honest i dont think it could last. i was like that with one of my ex's... obviously now an ex.

good luck.