The C word

[ScotsGirl]

Im not sure if anyone remembers that at the start of 2006 I posted on here about my aunty being diagnosed with bowel cancer. I was very close to her, she is my mums sister and has no family of her own. The prognosis was really good and throughout all her treatment has been good.
She had her first operation to remove the part of the bowel affected, then some chemo to get rid of anything that might be left, a scan showed it had spread to her liver but only in one place, so she had another operation to remove the area of liver affected. She recovered well but another scan showed it had come back in her liver and it had now spread to her lungs. More chemo was given and everything was responding well initially.

This takes us up until christmas 07, when things took a turn for the worse. She was unable to carry on her chemo (was in the middle of it) because her blood count wasnt high enough and her liver function was down. Another scan and some more blood tests then showed what everyone always dreads when they hear the c word.
And that was that the cancer had stopped responding to the treatment and there is nothing more they can do. Except wait.
Weeks. Not years, not months, but weeks. :(

My aunty didnt want to know anything after the fact that they were going to stop treatment so my mum spoke to the oncologist to find out the timescale. He said that its a very aggressive cancer and that things were likely to deteriorate quickly. I asked what it was that was going to kill her and my mum said her liver was going to fail.

Im absolutely terrified of having to watch someone I love slowly die, so god only knows what is going through my aunty's head.

Anyway, sorry for mumbling on but I havent been able to talk to anyone properly about this. I guess the whole typing to a screen is a lot easier than saying it out loud...which would make it even more real.
xxx

[Gumleaf]

i'm sorry to here that. i know what its like to watch someone die that way. my grandpa died from prostate cancer. it was so difficult bringing myself to go and visit because it was so upsetting for me, because we were close. but i realisied that its was important for him to see me. when he did die which was 2 months later, it actually made me feel better in a strange way because i knew he wasn't in pain anymore. i really do sympthise and i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers because i know how difficult this is.

[angryhalfdemon]

:( That's horrible. It's so hard to see someone suffering from cancer. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer in the hip in 2003. She's had treatment, but it's worked its way up to her chest and then her shoulder. But she's been fighting it for a long time, and the doctors say that she's more likely now to die of old age. I'm sorry to hear that your aunt wasn't as lucky.

I can't think of much more to say.. watching someone very close to you die slowly is very difficult. I'd be scared if I had to go through the same thing. All you can really do is pray. If she's in pain right now, take comfort in the fact that she's going to a place where she won't hurt anymore. And try to remember the happy times you've spent with her.

:hug: You have my deep sympathy. I will pray for your auntie.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

I'm so sorry to hear that. :( It's terrible to have to watch someone suffer and not be able to do anything to help, but you will make it through this. Remember that when she does pass, she will be free from the suffering she may be going through now, and remember to never forget all the good times you've had with her.

I hope that things for you and your family will go as smoothly as possible. Stay strong. :)

[byee]

Oh, this is just terrible, I'm so sorry for you, and for her. It's just awul, there aren't any words that can take the pain away.

Don't think to much of the end here, spend the time you have with aunty, make the most of it, be with her. Say what you need to. Take the time to enjoy her. Focus on life.

A lot of times you hear advice on 'talking about what's happening', but when it's like this, i think a little denial goes a long way, something to insulate you from the reality of it all. Reality just gets in the way here, it'll overwhelm you with grief. Just focus on her life, her presence. And try to continue living your life, too. And maximize it.

If there's anything I can do to ease the load, please let me know.

[ScotsGirl]

Just wanted to say a big thanks for the replies, they really mean a lot.
:hug:

My aunty hasnt been doing so well over the weekend. She has got really bad fluid retention, its especially bad in her legs (they are horrendously swollen), and they split open. She hasnt been able to do anything except sit with her legs up because of it. The doctor said that it could be due to a number of things, the drugs shes on, the steroids more specifically, or maybe because of her liver (fingers crossed its not). She has also been getting really bad sweats, again, it could be a number of things, including of course, her liver. She has another meeting with the oncologist on tuesday so I guess more blood results will tell us how well her liver is holding up...

Shes had good and bad spells, sometimes she gets really upset and sometimes she is relatively chill.

Thanks again for the replies, they were really nice to read. Im sorry if you have had to go through something similar, but I guess its always a comfort knowing that you arent alone.

xxx

[Gumleaf]

Just wanted to say a big thanks for the replies, they really mean a lot.
:hug:

My aunty hasnt been doing so well over the weekend. She has got really bad fluid retention, its especially bad in her legs (they are horrendously swollen), and they split open. She hasnt been able to do anything except sit with her legs up because of it. The doctor said that it could be due to a number of things, the drugs shes on, the steroids more specifically, or maybe because of her liver (fingers crossed its not). She has also been getting really bad sweats, again, it could be a number of things, including of course, her liver. She has another meeting with the oncologist on tuesday so I guess more blood results will tell us how well her liver is holding up...

Shes had good and bad spells, sometimes she gets really upset and sometimes she is relatively chill.

Thanks again for the replies, they were really nice to read. Im sorry if you have had to go through something similar, but I guess its always a comfort knowing that you arent alone.

xxx


my grandpa had fluid retention in his legs too. fortunately they never split or anything. i'm so sorry lynne that you have to go through this, and i know how you must be feeling because i've been there. :(

[ScotsGirl]

Thanks so much Stephen :hug: Im so sorry you and your family have had to go through something like this.

My aunty had her appointment with the oncologist today and he said the fluid retention is because of her liver. And that the blood tests showed her blood count and liver function is really low.
Not so good news but nothing less than we expected.
He referred her to a hospice that deals with terminally ill cancer patients and said that they might be able to help ease the symptoms she has because they'll have 'seen it all before'.
He doesn't recommend any further treatment because he thinks the only thing it will do is destroy the quality of life she has.
By the sounds of things and seeing how quickly she has deteriorated, she doesnt have very long at all :(
She hasnt been able to go out anywhere because of her legs, but we're hopefully going to manage to take her out this week/weekend.

xxxx

[Maverick]

I'm sorry to hear that Lynne. I've seen you around here a bit and you seem like a really nice person. Keep us updated.

[byee]

Oh, Lynne, I'm really sorry for you. And her, too.

Try not to think too much about 'it', just enjoy the time you have with her, tell her everything you need to, hold her hand tightly and look into her eyes.

Let us know if we can help, OK?

[Gumleaf]

i remember when my grandpa went into the hospice. it was about the time when the doctors told us that he had about 2 months to live. it took all my mental energy to make myself visit because i couldn't stand seeing him like he was. he couldn't go out because of the fluid in his legs. they became like dead weights. all they were able to do was to wheel him in his bed, outside into a courtyard for a while on nice days. he died as expected nearly 2 months to the day. it was just a painful experience and my heart really goes out to you lynne because its one of the worse things i think you could experience, watching someone you love slowly and painfully die. i really feel for you lynne, just talking about it now bring tears to my eyes. i'm here if you ever want to talk about it, ok.

[ScotsGirl]

Thanks guys :)
I cant tell you how much I appreciate your replies.

It's scary how ill she looks. Last month...in fact, not even 3 weeks ago my aunty was able to go out and about, do everything she normally does, driving etc etc.
Her legs were fine.
All she can do now is lie in this electric chair that the occupational therapist has given her that can push her right up to the standing position. She can walk through to her room and the bathroom and thats it. She has to have the bandages on her legs changed by nurses that come to the house twice a day, and even then they still leak through. She gets 5 layers put on, so her legs look like they have massive casts on them they're so fat. Her legs now have sores all over them so they hurt as well. She was crying on the phone to my mum the other morning before we went over because they hurt.

Im avoiding quite a few of my friends because they know she wasnt well and Im scared incase they ask about her if I see them. I have a feeling I'll breakdown and contribute to more flooding in the country :eyebrow:. But seriously, Id prefer they were mad at me for not getting in contact with them then feeling sorry for me or asking questions that Im not quite sure I can answer yet....thats pretty messed up I guess. Oh well.

Im rambling again :whoops:
Thanks again for your replies guys :)
She has an appointment with the hospice on tuesday. They had to give her one quickly because she is an 'emergency referral'. That phrase is enough to make anyone feel sick.
But Ill let you know how it goes.
:hug:
xxx

[byee]

Thanks for the update, and a huggy thingy for you (and her) too!

It's never easy watching this, make sure you're taking extra good care of yourself and getting all the TLC you need. If that means telling your friends what to ask or not ask, do that. If it means staying away, do that. But somehow, I get the feeling you'd enjoy the support and companionship (and even the distraction) of your friends. Don't stay away because it's awkward, just tell them what you need from them.

Keep us posted and hang in there!

[ScotsGirl]

Thanks Sam :)

And Ill try. I dont know if I will or not.
I seem to have gotten into the habit of holding everything in because I don't want to upset everyone more than they already are. My mum seems to be doing the same thing.
I guess we pick up some of our worst habits from our parents. :eyebrow:
I feel like its all going to burst out at some inappropriate time soon. Im trying to deal with it now though...

Thanks again Sam
huggy thing back :P

xxx

[Hyper]

My grandfather died from cancer too.. I was still 8 then. It was spring, Wednesday 2002. ( Yes I remember the day :( )

I was very close with him, he basically had cancer throughout his body the doctors couldn't do anything.

So he checked out of the hospital and went to live with his oldest daughter ( my mother )

I don't remember how long he lived here.. 3-8 weeks maybe a bit more.. Not exactly sure.

But yeah he turned from a tall muscled man to a tired man, he looked like 70 when he was 54. And he grew really weak, he couldn't get in the bathtub in the end by himself.

But he and my mother talked every day after she came from work hours straight sometimes 4 sometimes 8.

I remember when he died I was in the other room and I heard my mother scream ''BREATH! BREATH!'' repeadedly.. So I knew what was going on and went over there, she had me call the ambulance when they got there he was dead.

My mother told me he asked for a rough coffee, drank it and smoked a cigarette then looked at her for awhile and just stopped breathing.

I was really sad I can tell you that, but it isn't something unbearable. Atleast he was with us not in some hospital rotting away and it was good for my mother that he was there..

Well its not going to be easy.. I was really fucked up after that.. I got my anger problems back after he died and got in huge trouble at school.

But all in all I got over it so to speak..

[ScotsGirl]

Hey
Sorry I havent been around for a while.
Sadly my aunty passed away on Saturday morning. It all happened really quickly, she had been doing well until wednesday last week when she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Her organs started failing on her and there was nothing more anyone could do.
As much as it hurts to say, Im glad she isnt suffering anymore. She was so ill in her last fews days it was horrible to see.
Her funeral is on Monday (25th) and my family have said that they would like it if I said something at the funeral, Im kind of worried that I won't be ok to do it on the day but I guess Ill wait and see.

Anyway, thanks again for everyones replies and support. It really does mean so much.
:hug:
xxxx

[Serenity]

Aw hun, I'm really sorry to hear that :hug3: I know it hurts losing family, but you're right that it's better now that she's no longer suffering.

And I'm sure you'll do just fine. You loved her and it's the effort that counts.

[-Silence]

Hey hun, I'm sorry.
:hug2:
Are you doing okay?

[The Batman]

I'm so sorry she's gone but I'm glad your taking it well. If you feel like crying just let it out and I promise you'll do better during the funeral I held it in till the last minute and just broke down crying during the funeral

[byee]

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. But I am so glad you had eachother, it sounds like it was so very special. You know, when it's like that, they never really leave you.

Loss takes time to recover from, take really good care of yourself, be extra nice to yourself. And, with time, you'll be able to reexperience all the specialness you had.

[Gumleaf]

Hey
Sorry I havent been around for a while.
Sadly my aunty passed away on Saturday morning. It all happened really quickly, she had been doing well until wednesday last week when she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Her organs started failing on her and there was nothing more anyone could do.
As much as it hurts to say, Im glad she isnt suffering anymore. She was so ill in her last fews days it was horrible to see.
Her funeral is on Monday (25th) and my family have said that they would like it if I said something at the funeral, Im kind of worried that I won't be ok to do it on the day but I guess Ill wait and see.

Anyway, thanks again for everyones replies and support. It really does mean so much.
:hug:
xxxx


i'm so sorry to hear that news lynne. you know, with my grandpa he was like doing the best he had been for about a month, and then the next day he went down hill fast and died the morning after. but for me, when he did die, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders because i knew he wasn't suffering anymore. and don't be afraid of letting your emotions take over at the funeral, there is absolutly no shame at all. unfortunately i've been to a few funerals and i had to speak at one, and i cried a little. its nothing to be ashamed off and should instead be thought of as a symbol of the love you had for that person. anyways, you take care and i'm here if you want to talk about it anymore.

[Malcolm Tucker]

I'm so sorry to hear that Lynne. I hope you are doing ok. I know what you are going through at the moment, so just hang in there ok. I'm here if you need anyone to talk to, ok?

Hang in there :hug:

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Lynne babe. It's never easy. I am so sorry to hear about this. Enjoy the time, embrace it, and it'll always hurt, but remember you both loved each other very much.

[Bobby]

Lynne. I'm also very sorry. Losing family is one of the hardest things you can ever experience.
Atleast she's not suffering anymore. Just remember the good times, and appreciate the time you had with her.

[ScotsGirl]

Just wanted to say thank you so much for your replies!
:hug:
Its strange to think that its only been 2 years since she was first diagnosed, but I dont think anyone ever thought it would end like this so soon. I suppose part of that is because you cant, but part of it was that things always looked like they were going to get better.

Im worried how my gran is going to cope after the funeral and everything starts going back into its usual routine (my aunty lived with my gran). My mum has the next two weeks off work and my grans sister is staying with her for the next couple of weeks, but what about after that?

And on top of that, my gran and aunty's dog (Otto) isnt doing so well. He is 12 so he has had a pretty long life for a dog, but he is having trouble with his back legs. He cant walk very far at all and is really unsteady. I guess its only a matter of time. However, it just seems like another blow for my gran. (He is her baby!...You might not understand unless you have dogs lol!)

Anyway, thanks again everyone. I honestly cant tell you how much it means to know that there is so much support on here.
:hug:
xxxx

[spawn123]

this is not a joke what am i saying right now.Listen carefully.Your aunt must not think about the cancer or about the fact that shes ill.She must feel so happy so distracted from the illness and she must pretend that she is cured.that method takes the consciousness to feel like its cured doing the same to body.the more she thinks about it the more ill she is. pls don't count this as an insult or something i am just trying to help

[Spyware]

this is not a joke what am i saying right now.Listen carefully.Your aunt must not think about the cancer or about the fact that shes ill.She must feel so happy so distracted from the illness and she must pretend that she is cured.that method takes the consciousness to feel like its cured doing the same to body.the more she thinks about it the more ill she is. pls don't count this as an insult or something i am just trying to help

Heh, definitely the law of attraction. It's not about pretending to be cured, it's to believe honestly in your heat you are cured, and say every day "Thank you" for being healthy. I've been trying it for a month so far with my own issues.

[idontknow1]

i know how u feel in 06 my mom died

[Nihilus]

Im so sorry. I lost 1 grandma to breast cancer and my other Grandma died of a stroke. I know what It feels like and I am sending my prayers to your aunt.:(

[iJack]

My mom had cancer when she was pregnant with me, i was the reason thy found the tumor, she had ovarian cancer

[roflkopter_55]

:ohmy::hug2::cry::frown::console::hug::hug::hug::hug:


ur story is really sad. u must b going through some rough times...


I feel bad 4 u.



:(

[ScotsGirl]

Im really sorry to hear that so many people are affected by cancer. :-(
:hug:

My mom had cancer when she was pregnant with me, i was the reason thy found the tumor, she had ovarian cancer

Wow, I guess a lot of people would say that was "lucky" :-)
Im really sorry to hear she had to go through that though :-(




ur story is really sad. u must b going through some rough times...


I feel bad 4 u.



:(

Aww thanks for the hugs! :-)


It's two months today since she died.
I don't think I have fully accepted that she is gone yet. In my head I still think about questions that I need to ask her then have to remind myself I can't anymore...
I remember when she was first diagnosed, everything was so positive and optimistic because they had caught it so early, my mum was like "5 years from now we're all going to be looking back at today and laughing".
I guess it just wasn't supposed to be.


Thanks again for the replies!
:hug:
xxx

[Hyper]

You'll be fine girl :)

Yeah my mother had cancer too, and she got operated twice.. I think its far worse watching people go through it than admitting that they are ''gone''

You still have people around who you care about so its just a matter of accepting things the way they are now.

[ScotsGirl]

:hug: :-)

But accepting is easier said than done...
Saying that though, I think it beginning to hit me a little more. I have a friend who lost her mum to cancer last month and Ive been talking to her about things a lot. It has actually really helped me. I was seriously doubting what the fuck was wrong with me and why I hadnt cried much. But she was exactly the same. It made me doubt myself less :-)
But then I spent most of yesterday crying :-( ...and inbetween? trying not to cry...
Can't believe I actually admitted that :redface:
Puffy eyes anonymous here I come :P

I feel a bit better today but, I still feel like the smallest thing would set me off.
I just really miss her :-(

xxx

[iJack]

O, BTW, My grandma just overcame cancer

[Nihilus]

Im so srry for you. Cancer sucks but it happens.

[Gender-Unknown]

well done Ijack gratz!!

i know what going through this is like when u lose a loved one! i have had a traumatic life and so many people i have known and liked have died.

you see i like golf and i was playing one day with my girlfriend and her best friend hit a golf ball into her temple and she was knocked unconscious and was sent to hospital. she died 1 day later and she was 14 years old.

this story was on the news and if u are from australia you might have seen it.

R.I.P Vannessa Anderson

also my pet rabbit died my 2 birds died and our cat and dog have died all in the past year.

And in 1 month or so we are having and anniversary of my aunties death who died from pancreatic cancer and i was so sad. it is the worst kind of cancer as the symptons are undetectable until it's too late and i was so motherfucking pissed off with the doctars.

they wouldn't tell us the truth. e.g how much does my auntie have to live? Docter: we really can't say. Me: please i want to know. Docter: we can't really put a number on how long she has to live. Me: listen i just want to know how long she has to live PLEASE docter. Docter: i am so sorry we don't really have a number in mind.

they kept saying bullshit like this when she was in hospital when she was dying. although she wasn't sad at all because she had such a strong faith that god would save her or she would go to heaven and have the time of her life. ( pun intended )

so my mum would start crying in front of my auntie and my auntie would say " why the hell you crying? all will be fine ". she was so adament that god would save her.

anyway so i was so pissed of at the docters for not telling us how long she had to live so i looked up on google and it said at the most 2 years and the least 3 months.

she died in 4 weeks

[Skittlez1313]

:( thats so sad *huggle* I hope you feel O.K. now :3

[Gender-Unknown]

yeh i have almost got over it but now and again i get sad and cry for hours and this only happens like once a month ot two