Suicide

[arielmoon121]

Well, I'll start off by saying I'm a 13 year old girl with MAJOR untreated depression and an emotionally abusive mother, and I have 6 other siblings. My parents are sexist, and treat my 2 brothers better. But I couldn't care less about that (well, I do, but I can't do anything about it cause their religious), I'll get to the real problem.

First, I considered suicide again (in the past I had attempted suicide three times, but nobody knew about it. I tried strangling myself). Then I started making plans, and last night I stole my mom's unisom sleeping pills, and her fluoxetine pills (antidepressants) and now their hidden in my room where no one can find them. I plan on committing suicide sometime this month, but now I'm not so sure. So then before I went to bed I took 2 antidepressant pills, and now I just don't know what I should do. I can't trust my siblings, they always end up telling my mom or dad, and I get in huge trouble, even if it's something parents are supposed to be supportive about (once my sister found out I started cutting, and she swore not to tell, but she started using the secret against me and ended up telling, so please don't tell me to talk to someone about it, I don't have any family members or friends I can trust) There's no way I can call anyone, as my mom has no respect and will listen to my phone calls or tell one of my siblings to (that's why I don't use the phone).
What should I do? I can't feel anything anymore--my heart feels so empty. I just want to die and be somewhere I feel loved.

[Castle of Glass]

Hey. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It isn't worth it at all. I know it may seem hard right now, but surprisingly, it does get better. Because of the amount of siblings you have and where you are located, i have a guess at what religion you are/parents are.

Get rid of those pills. Please. It isn't worth it. Really. I can't trust my brother or parents either. But there are ways that they won't find you about it. You may not have friends or family, but how about your school councilor? I know that may seem hard to do, but it will help.

You may think you can't feel anything anymore, but you can. You will feel something here (http://www.reddit.com/r/aww)

I also want to die and be somewhere i feel loved, but push through until you can move out. 5 years may seem like a long time, but you can do it, i know you can. you have made it this far. :hug3:

And finally, you said that you cut, if you need help stopping, take a look at this thread (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2493304).

[arielmoon121]

First I want to say thank you so much for replying, it means a lot (I think..)
What religion do you think I am? Or at least my family, because I want to be sort of an an atheist, but my family would cause me problems so I have to wait till I'm 18.
ANYWAY I would love to go and talk to my school counselor, as they are required to not tell my parents about the stuff I talk about with her. But, my mom would get all offensive and say that she could solve my problems, and that I'm just looking for attention. My dad said I could talk to her if I want, but after arguing with my mom about it he just told me to do whatever my mom said, then he went to work.
And since my school is a charter school, they'll tell my parents about whether I'm seeing the counselor or not :(
And honestly I have been feeling a little better after taking the pills, my heart doesn't feel as empty, so I don't feel so bothered by it.

[sqishy]

First I want to say thank you so much for replying, it means a lot (I think..)
What religion do you think I am? Or at least my family, because I want to be sort of an an atheist, but my family would cause me problems so I have to wait till I'm 18.

If you want to be an atheist, then you are an atheist. If coming out with that will cause more harm than good with your family, it's best not to.
And remember:
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU

[Castle of Glass]

ok, so i am saying either Mormon or protestant. Why Mormon, mainly because of the large family.
Well, can't you go see the councilor with out them knowing? like using a back door or something? Yea, my mom would also flip out if she found out if i was speaking to someone other than her about my issues. but still, it is worth a shot.
well, yea you will feel better if you take anti depressants if your depressed but be careful with them. As i am not a med student or doctor, i can't say how you should take the anti depressants, but try not to take too many too often.

[Poisonberry]

I don't know how hard it would be to do but you can buy a cheap cell phone and buy minutes for it. Once you have a phone you can call a suicide hotline and they can give you local resources. There are things that can be done, but I don't know what's available in your area. If you can use the internet at school you can also look up local resources. Also, public libraries usually have computers that you can use.

Best of luck, and please don't hurt yourself, you're here for a reason, it may not be clear what that reason is, but you'll never know if you don't stay around to find out. :)