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View Full Version : I Would Appreciate a Little Bit of Advice.


Baconator
September 8th, 2013, 02:44 AM
Greetings everyone, my name is Baconator and I am new to the forum so don't let out on me if I mess up :3

Alright, so my situation stands from what I can tell as a "Everyone goes through it" but I'm not too sure if everyone has or is going through the type of situation I am currently going through.

So, over the past 4 years I have strongly gained an interest in dating. I am a male, 16 and straight. I have had a handful of situations go bad over the years. If you are really interested in reading, continue on; If not, I will make a TL;DR at the bottom of the thread.

Continuing onto my story; So I started to become interested in girls 4 years ago back in grade 7 when I got a massive crush on a girl in my elementary school. After about months of trying to build confidence I started to get closer to her. But I took too long and ended up screwing the whole thing over when my parents broke the news to me that we were moving. I ended up telling her the... day or so before we moved, she seemed upset and angry at the same time for some reason. Well, it took me a month or longer together over that.

In grade 8 I had started my new year at my new school and it didn't take me long before I realized I had started to show feelings for this one girl. Now this one girl wasn't "attractive" -from my friends' point of view but I seen something in her that I found really attracted to. I went through the same stuff I did with the first girl but this moved into high school. Around grade 9 she started to pickup on what I was getting onto and started telling her friends I was creepy which leaded back to me and put me into a depressed state for a year. In grade 10 is when things started to get serious for me.

During the first semester I had realized there was a girl in my class who had the exact same name as me [Same spelling and all, not last name] and my friends I had made in that class had started nudging me and joking about how funny it would be if we dated. Well time grew and I started thinking about it thoroughly and started to like this one girl. I had very strong doubts on it as I wasn't too keen on the fact that probably would've been dating a girl with the same name as me. But that grew away from me and I started to think ahead. I decided to push myself out of my comfort/awkward zone, I started to flirt with her. I bought this girl her favourite candy [Skittles] a lot, I made it clear I was flirting, I made it clear I was interested as she started to open up to me. She told me quite a bit about her life, her interests and all that type of stuff and I started to get really confident. All went well and finals were pulling around the corner as it was just about the end of the school year. This time of year was when I noticed some guys were showing interest in her. [Note she's the type of girl who thinks no one thinks she's attractive]. So I decided it was now or never. I texted her one day that I wanted to talk to her to following day privately. She started ignoring me, avoiding me and such which threw me off a little. I confronted her in one class and she denied the accusation and continued on. So I finally said to myself, "If I can't tell her, I might as well get a courier to do it." Which I did and my courier came back and told me she said she didn't like me that way.

TL;DR, I've had some confusing experiences with girls.

So, what's my question you may be asking yourself by this point. Well my main focus is asking for advice on how I can get out of the anxiety side I've been looking at this whole time. This year I felt really confident, like I grew out of my awkward stage but I still have that anxiety of speaking to girls, as in I can't speak a full sentence normally, I think things through too much and the opportunity passes. If you read the story then you can get a full understanding of what I'm getting at. So I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me?

Note: I myself like to stand out from the crowd, and I really don't give a damn what people think of me, I do what I do even if someone says not to. But I do appreciate advice from others who are willing to give.

MoonMan
September 8th, 2013, 03:10 AM
So, in short, you've been rejected quite a bit and your confidence is shot. Let me tell you this, if you stop swimming you're surely to drown. In other words, if you let a few failures hinder on you and decide to give up you'll never find what you're looking for. You have no idea how many girls rejected me (calling me ugly, creepy, crazy, shooting me down and humiliating me in front of everyone, cutting off all ties after rejecting me) yet I still managed a few girlfriends here and there because I didn't give up. If a loser like myself can do this, I see no reason why you couldn't.
It sounds like you projected yourself well enough but the girls just weren't interested. But if you're truly having trouble talking to girls just remember, they're human beings as well. They're not robots who are going to psychoanalyze every word you say to judge your worth, just try and make small talk. Talk about hobbies, current situations, whatever, like you would if you were trying to make a friend. Then when things get rolling, you start to show your romantic interest along the way (which you seem to have some sort of grasp on already). If they like you back, great. If they don't, fuck it. You can't win everyone over. Move on to another girl and oppurtunity.These things work themselves out in the end, you're going to be okay. I promise.
Oh and another thing: welcome to the forum.

Baconator
September 8th, 2013, 03:14 AM
So, in short, you've been rejected quite a bit and your confidence is shot. Let me tell you this, if you stop swimming you're surely to drown. In other words, if you let a few failures hinder on you and decide to give up you'll never find what you're looking for. You have no idea how many girls rejected me (calling me ugly, creepy, crazy, shooting me down and humiliating me in front of everyone, cutting off all ties after rejecting me) yet I still managed a few girlfriends here and there because I didn't give up. If a loser like myself can do this, I see no reason why you couldn't.
It sounds like you projected yourself well enough but the girls just weren't interested. But if you're truly having trouble talking to girls just remember, they're human beings as well. They're not robots who are going to psychoanalyze every word you say to judge your worth, just try and make small talk. Talk about hobbies, current situations, whatever, like you would if you were trying to make a friend. Then when things get rolling, you start to show your romantic interest along the way (which you seem to have some sort of grasp on already). If they like you back, great. If they don't, fuck it. You can't win everyone over. Move on to another girl and oppurtunity.These things work themselves out in the end, you're going to be okay. I promise.
Oh and another thing: welcome to the forum.

Thanks, that pep talk really got me thinking :) Anyone advice from others would be greatly appreciated!

Running420
September 8th, 2013, 09:00 AM
Well, girls are cold, youve learned that the easy way now my friend :)

Now you are prepared for a nice girl, or you know as nice as they get. Just keep trying, and at some point some girl will jump on you wait and see :yes:

Mynick
September 8th, 2013, 09:11 AM
In my opinion you did everything right, wasn't your fault. You have manage to leave your your comfort area,i know its dificult, and you manage to flirt with them. You have been unlucky that's all. The right girl will come, and i can say is keep trying.

Baconator
September 8th, 2013, 10:37 AM
In my opinion you did everything right, wasn't your fault. You have manage to leave your your comfort area,i know its dificult, and you manage to flirt with them. You have been unlucky that's all. The right girl will come, and i can say is keep trying.

Well, girls are cold, youve learned that the easy way now my friend :)

Now you are prepared for a nice girl, or you know as nice as they get. Just keep trying, and at some point some girl will jump on you wait and see :yes:

These were really good and encouraged me to go out. You guys are awesome :) <3

Gumleaf
September 9th, 2013, 04:13 AM
I agree with everyone else. You did everything right. But you can't make girls like you like you want them too. Sadly, you can be the most nicest, loving, caring, bad boy, good boy or whatever person, but that won't stop rejection from happening. Keep trying and follow your heart. Stand up, dust yourself off, and keep trying to start things with girls you like. Eventually you'll find one that likes you like that too. Just don't give up.

Poisonberry
September 9th, 2013, 05:03 AM
I agree with everyone else. You did everything right.

Did everything right? Au contraire. But I have no time to explain, soon though, soon.

I'm just astonished at how you boys seem to think things work.