I just feel worthless...

[Zach_014]

i cant help but feel worthless because I just know that in my parents eyes im an awful failure as a son. firstly i was an unplanned child so i wasnt even wanted to begin with. secondly i have broken my arms 5 times 3 of which required surgery so i am now an expensive, unwanted child. but wait mom and dad it gets better! your expensive unwanted kid is GAY too! yeah my parents say they dont mind but what father truly wants a gay son?...but wait there is more! your gay, expensive, unwanted kid is suicidal! i just feel like my whole life has been nothing but a disappointment in the eyes of those i so desperately want to make proud of me

[ksdnfkfr]

I'm pretty much an unwanted kid too. My parents are very career minded. They've done their best to make me as independent as possible as soon as possible. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a boarder. And I've had issues costing them time and money. And I have no friends. And I'm gay. I'm just trying to hang in there until I'm finally an adult on my own and can hopefully build some kind of life for myself. Childhood is kind of like boot camp in hell.

[byee]

Wait a second, both of you.

Unwanted? You mean, unplanned, right? And so what.

Zach, if your parents didn't plan you AND didn't want you, there were options available to them at the time. Consider that even though you are an expensive, perhaps somewhat klutzy, gay kid..they still adore you. Parents have a knack of overlooking the little things, you know.

Methinks the issue is that you might not like yourself? It's Ok to talk about that here or with a therapist of your very own, especially if it's true that you really feel suicidal sometimes.

[Zach_014]

I dont kow...I just dont know what the fuck is wrong with me...it seems every time that i feel happy there is someone to say something small that triggers something awful in my head.

[byee]

Well, maybe it's time to get that stuff out of your head so it's not triggered by outside stuff?

[Zach_014]

how?

[Castle of Glass]

how?

clear your mind. meditate. write it down and burn the paper. there are many ways.

[byee]

What's on your mind, what's bothering you?

[Zach_014]

as of last month my parents found out im suicidal through me calling a hotline and the hotline calling the police and sending them to my house..i explained to them why and it is because i felt so alone being the only gay person i know and it would almost get the better of me at times...we decided to have me start going to a group in a town an hour away for gay teens and it helps some but it is only once a week...leaving my brain to go crazy the other six days

[ksdnfkfr]

What I was trying to say is, it's worth sticking it out even though it sucks now. That you have a future away from being a kid living at home. I spent time with a school counselor last year and it did help. Things aren't coming up roses, but it did help.

[Zach_014]

thanks a lot guys but i have to go to bed good night i will check this when i wake up

[byee]

As Shea very nicely says, you have to be patient! Your family sounds really supportive, Zach...it's great that they acknowledge your sexuality and the stresses that come along with that adjustment and have found and drive you a good distance to a specialized gay group! They're keepers.

I think you might ask about seeing a "regular' therapist closer to home, too, especially since you seem to appreciate the group therapy. And don't forget you are not defined by your sexuality..it's just a part of who you are. It might be front and center and very distracting now, but that's because you're still adjusting to the recognition that you're gay. Consider doing other activities that are fun..i see you like martial arts..maybe pick up a few other interests. It's good to nurture yourself, especially when you're stressed about other things.

Life's a journey, even if it takes an unexpected detour. That doesn't mean the view can't be pretty amazing, though, and the final destination grand.

[Zach_014]

Thank you so so so much...to all of you

[ToxicApple69]

i cant help but feel worthless

Everyone on this earth has potential, you are only worthless if you allow yourself to be worthless.

because I just know that in my parents eyes im an awful failure as a son.firstly i was an unplanned child so i wasnt even wanted to begin with.

If your parents really neglect and ignore you, then I would recommend calling Child Protective Services, only as a last resort.

secondly i have broken my arms 5 times 3 of which required surgery so i am now an expensive, unwanted child.

:(

but wait mom and dad it gets better! your expensive unwanted kid is GAY too!

Nothing wrong with that. We're not Westboro Baptist church :D

yeah my parents say they dont mind but what father truly wants a gay son?...but wait there is more! your gay, expensive, unwanted kid is suicidal!

Don't do it. I was suicidal allot when I was a teen, and still am. There's people who care about you. Even if it's just acquaintances at school, they will still mourn your death. Who knows, maybe a guy or girl (most gays/lesbians are really bisexual) likes you. Wouldn't want to pass up that opportunity, for you or him/her.

i just feel like my whole life has been nothing but a disappointment in the eyes of those i so desperately want to make proud of me

You're young, don't give up so easily. People in third world countries have it harder than you. Lighten up