Britanian11
September 6th, 2013, 10:54 PM
Good evening (for me, anyway). I'm sitting in my college dorm room right now, and I am very sad because I have never had a girlfriend, or even a girl friend. It is two weeks into the school year, and I have tried to talk to girls but I either can't muster the courage to speak to them, or when I do the conversation goes nowhere.
Quick recap of my life
I grew up as a mixed child (black and white) in a predominately black city. While I am mixed, I tend to identify as white because I feel I have nothing in common with the standard connotation of "black people" in the modern US society, despite having afro hair (which I hate, by the way). In addition to this, I was an intelligent nerd in a predominately black city. As a result of this, I was bullied intensely up until my freshmen year of high school. Because of all the bullying, I have little self-confidence, an inferiority complex, fear of women (they were always very mean to me) and I never feel like I belong anywhere (partly because I am mixed) For example, if I am watching Anime and happen to see myself reflected in my screen I feel as though I shouldn't be watching anime. I also grew up in a broken home, with a verbally and physically abusive mother and essentially, no father.
Since girls always avoided me, and I tried to avoid them, going into high school I had no experience with them what so ever. During high school, I tried to improve my social skills to mixed success. I had one or two female acquaintances, but never any female friends.
I don't know how to talk to them, what to talk to them about. I try reading about these things, but they just make me more upset because apparently trying to get a girlfriend is the hardest thing I male will ever do. I'll probably have my fucking PhD in Psychology before I get a women to pay attention to me.
Part of the problem is that only part of me wants a girlfriend, a person to share life with. The other half of me just wants to have sex. So part of the problem is that girls probably can sense this and avoid me.
What should I do?
Quick recap of my life
I grew up as a mixed child (black and white) in a predominately black city. While I am mixed, I tend to identify as white because I feel I have nothing in common with the standard connotation of "black people" in the modern US society, despite having afro hair (which I hate, by the way). In addition to this, I was an intelligent nerd in a predominately black city. As a result of this, I was bullied intensely up until my freshmen year of high school. Because of all the bullying, I have little self-confidence, an inferiority complex, fear of women (they were always very mean to me) and I never feel like I belong anywhere (partly because I am mixed) For example, if I am watching Anime and happen to see myself reflected in my screen I feel as though I shouldn't be watching anime. I also grew up in a broken home, with a verbally and physically abusive mother and essentially, no father.
Since girls always avoided me, and I tried to avoid them, going into high school I had no experience with them what so ever. During high school, I tried to improve my social skills to mixed success. I had one or two female acquaintances, but never any female friends.
I don't know how to talk to them, what to talk to them about. I try reading about these things, but they just make me more upset because apparently trying to get a girlfriend is the hardest thing I male will ever do. I'll probably have my fucking PhD in Psychology before I get a women to pay attention to me.
Part of the problem is that only part of me wants a girlfriend, a person to share life with. The other half of me just wants to have sex. So part of the problem is that girls probably can sense this and avoid me.
What should I do?