How To Help My Friend?!?!

[steve11]

Hi,

So I'm well known at school as 'the gay kid' anyway... A close friend of mine, who is straight came to me today to ask about a non-mutual friend who is between 3 and 4 years older than him.

To cut a long story somewhat short, he asked me how to respond to an openly homosexaual friend who had made clear "come-ons" to him. which involved the gay friend offering 'massages', and during conversaton, bringing up masterbation... Which as you can imagine could be akward for a straight guy to talk to with a gay friend.

So my friend asked me (of all people) how to respond (my friend is clearly straight and his gay friend knows this) to those "come-on's"...and I'm useless at social interaction. so, yea...

P.S all 3 of us a male if that wasn't clear.

I'd like to able to give my friend some advice, maybe something I would want to hear in that situation, but I'm really not good at giving advice!

[Catholic Guy]

Tell him to just be open with his friend, tell him if it makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't want to do any of it, tell him just to be honest with him and he will understand!

[TommyTom]

He should just tell the truth if it makes him uncomfortable she should say that!

[ska8er]

i would tell him if he wants to continue to b friends he has to respect his friends wishes. not to keep coming on to him cause he will lose him as a friend.

[justin 13]

i would tell him if he wants to continue to b friends he has to respect his friends wishes. not to keep coming on to him cause he will lose him as a friend.


I agree with u.

Sorry If I ask u How do u handle in your school being called the gay kid? Thank you for your reply. Cuz Im gay and I couldn't handle being out in my school.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I guess I would advise that he just either tells this guy to back off - that the sexual stuff is not wanted but happy to be friends

or just back of full stop as this older guy is abusing the friendship if it actually exists or hi he just hitting on younger guys.

[steve11]

How do I deal with being known for my sexuality? Umm, people rarely discriminate at my school (and people have offered to defend me, if need be) and I'm proud to be myself, I fluant my sexuality and I take away the power of other peoles insults by using them myself!

You learn to not care what other people think and to realise that the things they say aren't insulting if there true!

Thanks for the reponses, I recently got told some harsh truths and I told my friend how no matter what it is, people would rather hear the truth and learn to except it than not!

:)

[ksdnfkfr]

What the others are saying, your friend needs to lay it on the line with this guy. There's such a thing as sexual harassment. (I'm gay too btw).

[byee]

Steve, let me see if I understand this. Your friend is the subject of unwanted sexual advances by a guy who is +4 years older? Is that the case, do i have it right?

First, I wonder what it is he's doing with someone that much older in the first place. Yes, age shouldnt be a determinant, but when it's age AND unwanted sexual advances, then you often see why it's not a good idea. 4 years is a huge difference at this age, and there's an obvious power imbalance, witness your friend's inability to know how to tell him to stop. Which is what he needs to do, and probably not be his friend any more.

And Keith? In response to your excellent question which i hope others respond to, I think it's important to separate your own personal reaction to people arbitrarily using the derogatory terms for being gay with their actual ability to know this about you..they cannot unless you tell them so... dont take it personally and dont respond to it from that personal place.

[steve21]

tell hiim to say to stop.