I want to tell you a story...

[Tora]

I’ll start at the beginning, but I'm not sure where this goes.

So I have a dead-beat dad, who left when I was really only two years old I believe. I talk to my grandma on that side, but only once a month for an hour or so on the phone. More recently he gave me an obviously fabricated web of lies in a message, excuses of why he couldn’t travel over here to see me throughout my life.

The past two years our mom has been pretty low in her own fight with Depression and Anxiety. I tried to pick up some of the slack for her. Cooking, attempting to clean, ect. She’s just now getting her energy back to be able to do things. During this process we have lost a process of 8 animals. That includes fish we had for years.

Since sixth grade, I have been in one of the Virtual academies, and have been pretty much isolated from the rest of the world, this year is my senior year and I’m going into public school. I'm overweight and feel terrible about my body, no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to work.

Whenever my little sister who is 6(I’m 17) comes home from her dad’s I get angry, sad and all out depressed. I feel jealous towards her, with very little reason. Whatever she does I get angry at her to the point of shouting and (myself) shaking. We now have a step dad and whenever he asks for something politely I get ragingly angry at also. He wants to be and is treating me like a friend, but it just makes me incredibly upset. Both of these will cause me to burst out crying.

Can anyone give me advice? What can I do to help with my rage and sadness? No matter what I do it just feels helpless.

[1_21Guns]

I think you need to confront your feelings towards your father, I do understand how horrid it is to have a pointless dad (although mine was with me growing up he was abusive and an alcoholic, so pretty much may as well not have been there) and every time he tries to message me I get very angry and upset, and I'll be honest I haven't really found a way to deal with it, but it has been getting easier the last couple of years. I understand the envy of other peoples fathers, my boyfriend and friends have lovely dads and it does upset me a little because I didn't have that, but it's how things play out and it's best not to let it hurt you so much
Do you feel like you have something to say to him? Some frustration you need to get out? Dealing with that might be the way to help you because that's what I often feel like so maybe it's the same for you?
Good luck love, with school too, try and start feeling more comfortable in yourself, try and relax because the more tense you are the faster you'll get angry :hug3:

[mariajelly]

i agree with natalie, you need to understand your feelings towards your father and move on from there, no dad is pointless though, deep down we all crave recognition from our parents but if they are not adding to your life then find it in yourself to find you're own confidence!
good luck with whatever you decided to do though :)

[Luminous]

I've forced myself to believe that happiness is a choice. I can be depressed, or I can put a smile on my face. It's not easy, but it works. Even if you're sad inside, stop, and ask yourself why? Why be sad when you can be happy? So force a smile on your face. When you first wake up. Before you go to bed. While doing schoolwork. And tell yourself, whether you believe it or not: "Yes, this is what I want to be doing, I am happy and I am blessed." One day you really will start to believe it. At least, I have.
I'm always willing to talk if you want to.

[Tora]

Thanks a lot you guys.

Yes, I have come to a conclusion about my dad; just don't bother. Things have already started looking up. I got into a Technical college that also acts as a high school, and my anger's starting to lighten a bit. So I'm starting to feel better. :)

[david2705]

with the rage: expres it in arts. paintings, poems just whatever. dont lock yourself up in a box.
I make music. realy dramatic, angry or depressive music; but it helps me with my mind and keeping up woth my world.
and about school: people come and go in life...so it mostly REALY does not matter what others think or say (ever).

[byee]

Laurel, there's no easy answer here, feelings which result from emotional abandonment take time (and often therapy) to successfully overcome. And although i understand the desire to confront them, they seem pretty raw right now, and maybe what's best is to let them recede a bit and work on other things.

The antidote to abandonment is attachment. What you'd likely respond well to are new emotional attachments that act as a balm..a little love goes a long way, if you can make some new friends, no heavy duty romantic ones, just good friends.. that would be great. If not, maybe planning that for next year when you go off to college, a little hope about the future helps a lot too.

Until then, it might also be a good idea to not make matters any worse by arguing with your step dad or sis...maybe talk with them about what you need from them and see if they cannot respond.