charliebaltimore
September 1st, 2013, 03:42 PM
Firstly, i'd like to appologise for how long this thread turned out to be. When you start typing you just cant stop :P !
So there's a mate of mine that's really cute, and a mean real cute. i don't talk to him that much as i only usually see him once a week. I first met him in early 2011 and he was my first gay crush, and the reason that i later began to consider myself bisexual. I love him to pieces, and the sad thing is that he has no idea. He's definitely straight, and often makes LGBT jokes etc... yet he's got a few gay friends that he doesn't mind. I often wonder what his reaction would be if i told him how i felt about him, but every time i do i remind myself that he's slag me, push me away and, probably, tell everyone he knows. I'd be a laughing-stock. I'm openly bi, but it's the rejection i fear the most - and i have done all my life, that's why im limited when it comes to friends. Adding to that, I'm so socially awkward it's unreal; sometimes just talking to him about normal things is awkward. It's not just a sexual thing either - i have a weird urge to protect him. He's important - valuable to me. A few years ago I found out through another friend (whom btw i havent seen in ages) that his dad died when he was 10 - something he'd never shared with me, which tells me that the feeling of trust/love is far from mutual (although i can understand why he wouldnt wanna bring it up). But anyway, when i first found out, all i wanted to do was hug him. And ever since then that's all i've ever wanted to do - let him know that I'm here for him. It's weirds, because anytime it's just me and him - it's nice, and i feel comfortable. But any time it's me, him and anyone else - it's awkward, and feels like because other people are there, he no longer needs me. I sometimes feel like he's pushing me away because he knows how i feel. Somehow he's managed to find out what im feeling for him and it's freaked him out; but that can't be the case, i havent told a sole (cus ive learned my lesson). He's had alot of trouble with his friends, aswell as alcohol and drugs, and i just wanna tell him -without saying it- that i'm here for him, no matter what. I dont even care if he does't "like me" like me, i just want him to know that he can always come to me.
So if anyone has any tips, ideas, or just something to add; please go ahead and say it. It might sound as if i'm being cheesy and niave, but he truly is the only person i have ever felt like this about. And i've never felt the same with anyone else since i met him. He's a special case. Always will be xx :')
So there's a mate of mine that's really cute, and a mean real cute. i don't talk to him that much as i only usually see him once a week. I first met him in early 2011 and he was my first gay crush, and the reason that i later began to consider myself bisexual. I love him to pieces, and the sad thing is that he has no idea. He's definitely straight, and often makes LGBT jokes etc... yet he's got a few gay friends that he doesn't mind. I often wonder what his reaction would be if i told him how i felt about him, but every time i do i remind myself that he's slag me, push me away and, probably, tell everyone he knows. I'd be a laughing-stock. I'm openly bi, but it's the rejection i fear the most - and i have done all my life, that's why im limited when it comes to friends. Adding to that, I'm so socially awkward it's unreal; sometimes just talking to him about normal things is awkward. It's not just a sexual thing either - i have a weird urge to protect him. He's important - valuable to me. A few years ago I found out through another friend (whom btw i havent seen in ages) that his dad died when he was 10 - something he'd never shared with me, which tells me that the feeling of trust/love is far from mutual (although i can understand why he wouldnt wanna bring it up). But anyway, when i first found out, all i wanted to do was hug him. And ever since then that's all i've ever wanted to do - let him know that I'm here for him. It's weirds, because anytime it's just me and him - it's nice, and i feel comfortable. But any time it's me, him and anyone else - it's awkward, and feels like because other people are there, he no longer needs me. I sometimes feel like he's pushing me away because he knows how i feel. Somehow he's managed to find out what im feeling for him and it's freaked him out; but that can't be the case, i havent told a sole (cus ive learned my lesson). He's had alot of trouble with his friends, aswell as alcohol and drugs, and i just wanna tell him -without saying it- that i'm here for him, no matter what. I dont even care if he does't "like me" like me, i just want him to know that he can always come to me.
So if anyone has any tips, ideas, or just something to add; please go ahead and say it. It might sound as if i'm being cheesy and niave, but he truly is the only person i have ever felt like this about. And i've never felt the same with anyone else since i met him. He's a special case. Always will be xx :')