I just dont know whats wrong with me.

[LonelyChelsea]

Ive been cutting since i was young, around 9 or 10 years old and i just turned 15. I started school and everything went downhill from there. I stopped cutting for a few months but then i suddenly got really depressed and started cutting, but deeper this time. It hurts but its like i cant get enough of it, now i do it multiple times a day. I am scared that one time ill start and i wont be able to stop. Ive tried therapy, medication, everything but nothing works. I need someone to help me because there has to be something wrong with me. I dont want to hurt myself anymore.

[Castle of Glass]

Well, the reason you keep wanting more is because you are, in short, addicted to it. It feels good so you do it more. You have already stopped for a few months, that means you can do it again.

There is nothing wrong with you. It is a coping mechanism that you are addicted to, like nearly everyone in the Cutting and Self Harm section on VT.

I will give you a couple methods of how you can stop :)

Method 1:
Go for 24 hours of no cutting. then, if you make it, got for 3 full days of no self harm(72 hours). If you cut in those 72 hours, you have to start all over. But if you make it(even if you cut on the 4th day), go for a full week(7 full days). And again, if you cut, you have to restart it. once you make a week(even if you cut on the 8th day) go for a week and a half(10 days). And keep repeating. If you cut during the time you are not suppose to, you have to start again. Keep doing this month by month and you should do fine.

Method 2:
This is the Butterfly Project (http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/). What you do is you get a permanent marker and and draw a butterfly near where you cut. Inside or next to the butterfly, write the name of someone you care. You must keep this butterfly alive. If you cut, it dies. If you rub it off it dies.

Method 3:
This is the last method I know of that i can generally give you with out know your individual story. It is called the Paper Chain Project (http://ourroadtorecovery.tumblr.com/post/18677215363/the-paper-chain-project-by-gravityhappens). To do this method, for everyday you go without cutting or self harm, you add a colorful chain. If you relapse, you add a white chain, but you keep adding. The more you go with this project, the more you see your progress. So you can see that you can go without cutting for longer periods of time.

thats the best i can right now. and here :hug:

[ByXaz]

If you've made it a few months you can make it longer. A lot of what I was going to say has already been posted, so I'm just going to say that you can stop if you really want to. It may seem hard, and there's a good chance it is. But if you truly want to stop, you can. If you do it multiple times a day, try slowing that down to once or twice a day, and eventually to once every few days. This might help since you slowly get accustomed to it which may make it easier to quit in the future. Try to see how long you can go without cutting, and make a note of it. Next time, try to go longer. Eventually, you'll get there.

[Mynick]

Its an every day fight against yourself, you manage yo stop for a few moths, that's amazaing. Find hobbys try the Butterfly Project.

[1_21Guns]

Like everyone's said it is unfortunately an addiction, its a long, bloody and brutal war with yourself but if you want to win, you can. Don't let losing one battle discourage you, one day without it is amazing never mind a few months. Cutting isn't the answer to anything and it's not going to help you or help any problems you might be facing, it's what? 5 minutes of release and then nothing, it's not not worth the damage it does to your body.
The butterfly project (suggested by Niilo) helped me one hell of a lot, but once I was a lot stronger so did thinking to myself 'cut if you want to but you you really need to? And eventually I could say no, I don't need to, in fact I don't even want to, and make yourself put the blade down and find something else to do, there are many other outlets for frustration, pain, upset, exercising or things like painting and drawing help a lot, keep fighting :hug3:

EDIT:
Also don't feel like there's something 'wrong' with you because you're struggling to quit, it's a perfectly normal thing for anyone with any sort of an addiction to struggle so try not to beat yourself up if you fall down, you're strong enough to pick yourself back up, I know you are :)

[numbness]

I know it really hard but it will be worth the struggle