Meeting my girlfriend and depression afterwards

[Natsuki]

I don't know. This may be a long post, but I want to give you guys the full story, so you can better understand me. I've been dating a girl for about a year now, but our relationship has always been an online one. We get into fights sometimes and come close to breaking up, but we both love each other. We're like twins because we share everything in common and I feel I can tell her anything and everything. The things that I would never tell anyone. A few weeks ago we came very close to breaking up because she wanted us to finally meet each other or at least voice chat. I hate voice chatting because I'm shy and meeting seemed impossible, but I figured since her birthday was coming up I would use the little money I have to buy a plane ticket and stay with her for a few weeks.

I was so scared that she wouldn't like me or I wouldn't like her, but these past few weeks have been the best weeks of my life and I love her so much more now. She's perfect. She's even cuter in real life than in her pictures and she always makes me laugh and is very kind. I've been back home for 3 days now and I'm extremely depressed and want to die. I miss her so much. I cry everyday and my heart hurts so much. I can't go back to an online relationship now that I met her and realized how amazing she is.

I need to have her by my side all the time. We're currently working on a way to get her over to my state, so we can live with each other. A one way ticket with no stops is like $500. I make over $500 each month, so that's no problem, but I currently live at my grandma's house with my dad (he has to take care of her) and she doesn't allow any strangers in the house, but we plan on moving, but the house we're moving in costs $800 a month and I don't know if there's going to be a deposit too. My dad and I make $700 a month, but it would take a few months for us to save up enough money for both the house and the plane ticket. I honestly don't know if I can make it that long without her because every day my depression is getting worse. I also left her house on a bad note. We skipped my plane ride, so I could stay longer and her dad was so mad and yelled at us a lot and I think he hates me now, so I don't know if he'll let her come live with me.

I was looking into online personal loans to speed up the process, so we can move in with each other as soon as possible. I'm not sure if those are scams though. The only thing I know is I won't be able to make it very long without her if my depression continues and I know I'll kill myself if I can't see her again soon. Do you guys have any advice for me? What should I do?

[Living For Love]

Wow! That's what I call a true romance! Now that you got the chance to met her you shouldn't let the distance between you two to depress you. Being in love with someone is one of the best things that can happen on our life, enjoy it to the maximum! I don't know what's your age, but I guess you'll eventualy find a way to stay with her, as long as you keep loving eachother.

[Miri]

Wow! That's what I call a true romance! Now that you got the chance to met her you shouldn't let the distance between you two to depress you. Being in love with someone is one of the best things that can happen on our life, enjoy it to the maximum! I don't know what's your age, but I guess you'll eventualy find a way to stay with her, as long as you keep loving eachother.

Well said :)

I agree, it sounds like you two are serious, and when you've found love like that, you shouldn't let anything get in the way.
In the meantime, I'M sure you're comfortable enough to video chat her? You guys can also call each other everyday.
I hope everything works out!

[Special K]

You gotta understand that is awesome. But being apart makes it more special when you are together.

[Jean Poutine]

I don't know. This may be a long post, but I want to give you guys the full story, so you can better understand me. I've been dating a girl for about a year now, but our relationship has always been an online one. We get into fights sometimes and come close to breaking up, but we both love each other. We're like twins because we share everything in common and I feel I can tell her anything and everything. The things that I would never tell anyone. A few weeks ago we came very close to breaking up because she wanted us to finally meet each other or at least voice chat. I hate voice chatting because I'm shy and meeting seemed impossible, but I figured since her birthday was coming up I would use the little money I have to buy a plane ticket and stay with her for a few weeks.

I was so scared that she wouldn't like me or I wouldn't like her, but these past few weeks have been the best weeks of my life and I love her so much more now. She's perfect. She's even cuter in real life than in her pictures and she always makes me laugh and is very kind. I've been back home for 3 days now and I'm extremely depressed and want to die. I miss her so much. I cry everyday and my heart hurts so much. I can't go back to an online relationship now that I met her and realized how amazing she is.

I need to have her by my side all the time. We're currently working on a way to get her over to my state, so we can live with each other. A one way ticket with no stops is like $500. I make over $500 each month, so that's no problem, but I currently live at my grandma's house with my dad (he has to take care of her) and she doesn't allow any strangers in the house, but we plan on moving, but the house we're moving in costs $800 a month and I don't know if there's going to be a deposit too. My dad and I make $700 a month, but it would take a few months for us to save up enough money for both the house and the plane ticket. I honestly don't know if I can make it that long without her because every day my depression is getting worse. I also left her house on a bad note. We skipped my plane ride, so I could stay longer and her dad was so mad and yelled at us a lot and I think he hates me now, so I don't know if he'll let her come live with me.

I was looking into online personal loans to speed up the process, so we can move in with each other as soon as possible. I'm not sure if those are scams though. The only thing I know is I won't be able to make it very long without her if my depression continues and I know I'll kill myself if I can't see her again soon. Do you guys have any advice for me? What should I do?

Well first order of budgeting, don't move somewhere that costs more than what you guys make. You are running straight towards bankruptcy. Your rent should cost around 40-50% of what you make. That sucks but consider a small apartment instead of a full house.

Second point of business, yes online personal loans are scams. They are "legal" but they charge near-predatory levels of interest. It's basically an equivalent of a payday loan and not anything you should touch, ever. Keep in mind money spent paying the interest is money that goes straight to the bank, you will never even see the color of it. It could be better used by, for example, paying another ticket to see your gal. You guys sound like you're in a tight financial situation so you don't need to add loan sharks to the equation, especially not for a girl. Besides, keep in mind reputable and secure financial institutions won't loan you squat unless you're 18 (because, at least here, contracts made with a minor can be annulled at the minor's request), and unless you're rich, with a guarantor at that, so that they can run after somebody who has the funds if you don't pay up.

Now onto the personal stuff...if you literally can't live without seeing her then you've got problems that need fixing. No one should be so dependent on anybody. It's cute and lovey-dovey at first but it gets tiring and suffocating later. That sort of thing makes for good theater plays but bad real-life situations, you know what I'm saying? So first order of personal business.

Second order of personal business, we need more info. How far is she? Does she live in the same country? How old are you, how old is she? People change. Especially in the teenage years, people sticking together in the long run is very uncommon. Online romances are okay if you guys can get together on a regular basis. Otherwise, as we say in French, far from the eyes, far from the heart. You see that pain you're having right now? The easiest solution for most people is to enter another relationship with somebody closer to make good that void.

Third order of personal business, about her father, he simply saw you shirking your responsibilities. You were a guest in his house and he accepted that you stay x amount of time but you overstayed your welcome, so to speak. Nobody likes that, but he'll get over it.

Fourth order of personal business, you met once and you want her to move in with you? Back off man. How old are you guys? This isn't something that should be taken lightly at all.

Now you ask what to do. I'm going to be pretty blunt there but understand I'm speaking from personal experience because I've been in a relationship that started online for about one and a half year. We saw each other every 2 weeks but even that wasn't enough because we needed regularity. Seeing each other every day but for short periods of time, that kind of thing. With me in Canada and her in the States it wasn't something that was gonna happen for a very long time. If you want it to work then at least talk to her man. You did IRL, it isn't any harder online, it's even easier.

I'm just going to tell you to take it for what it is and nothing more. It's a teenage online relationship and chances are it won't last. If it doesn't, are you really going to kill yourself over her? To my eyes, love isn't an ideal worthy of killing oneself over. Enjoy while it lasts, but don't make my mistake, you have to get back on the ball afterwards. It's not guaranteed to end, granted, but the chances are something like 98%. Would you bet your life and/or emotional well-being over 2%?

So in resume, take it in stride and enjoy her companionship for as long as you can keep it, but when it nigh-inevitably ends, turn around immediately and notice all the wonderful people that are every bit as nice and cute as her but that missed your notice because you were focused on a girl hundreds of miles away.