Confused...?

[jma94]

I dunno why but lately i've been very depressed... crying... feeling like crap... ya know all that. ... i just dun wanna feel it anymore... if you care to listen ... here goes. Just so you can get a gist of who i am i'll tell you a bit about my life... My mother is an alcoholic but for most the time i lived with her she was clean and sober. We lived at this place that was a program and after that she was good. Then we moved to a little town and things were good and nice for about... 3 years? i think so. Then her and i got into a car accident. She shattered her hip and they didnt know that right away. So they gave her pain meds... thats where it happend. She was taking them.... not only for pain (I never knew all this at the time) Then she started drinking again. DSS had always been in my life cuz of my sister and she used to run away and get into trouble all the time. She would lash out on meh mum. When the dss worker came to check she told them the truth. On how she relapsed. It wasnt bad or anything. And i may just sound like some kid covering for their parent but i'm not. She didnt drink much and was never EVER drunk around me. There was always enough money to survive. even in rough patches. But then dss decided to take me away. I was put into a foster home for one day (that being about 3 1/2 years ago). But then my aunt took me into her care. Thats when i truly started to hate life. I swear i feel like more of a servent in her house. And even now that i'm 13 she still treats me like i'm 7. I wont go into detail on that though. She thinks shes a super parent. But the truth is she makes me feel worthless. lets just say crying myself to sleep isnt out-of-the-norm. I know that doesnt sound horrible but for some reason i get depressed. Not many people know that i get depressed. around friends i'm pretty happy. Or seem it anyway... i laugh all the time with friends and in school so no one really can tell what goes on when i'm alone... Talking to my aunt isnt an easy thing to do. I've tried. So i'm left crying in my room making sure she cant hear me.... sorry this was long and thanks for listening. :] I'm sure my grammar was horrible along with my speeling. :3 And i prolly left out stuff but i dun wanna take up too much of your time.


-Jesse

[angryhalfdemon]

You got taken from your mother! Oh gosh, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Do you still get to see your mother?

[byee]

Oh, Jesse, this is a bad story, I'm really sorry for you! How can we help (other than by being here?)?.

I'm always so impressed by strong people, like yourself. Recognizing that things are really bad and really upsetting and still getting on with life is the best response. You get up in the AM, you put on your best face, and get on with life. You go to school, have friends and cope. A big Bravo for you!

I think when you're in a really bad spot at 13 1/2, the best you can do is compensate by surrounding yourself with as much goodness outside the misery you can. Friends, school, activities. You can't change your aunt or your mom or DSS involvement, but you can create a space for yourself that's better. And it sounds like you're doing that.

In that space should be someone that you can relax enough with and share what's going on inside with you. Getting some emotional support is important, too. And, of course, you have us.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Jesse, don't feel like you're taking up too much of our time. I, for one, am always glad to listen to whoever needs listening to, and I'm sure others here are the same way. If you find it hard to talk to your aunt, maybe have someone there with you to give you some confidence. Someone you trust who isn't there to get involved but just to have your back and be supportive. Let your aunt know you aren't criticizing her, but that you feel the current living arrangements need some adjusting. Let her know what's bothering you, how it makes you feel, and maybe ask how she feels about you living you with her and about the problems you've just mentioned. Let her speak her side so she doesn't feel like you're being disrespectful. Try to come to some sort of consensus. Like, for example, maybe she'll agree not to yell at you and you'll agree to try your best to just do what she asks you to. I don't claim to know the situation, just giving an example. Does that sound doable? I think most conflicts can be resolved if all parties agree to just take a step back and look at how things are working, and try to take steps to make it work better. I wish you the best of luck. :)

[jma94]

Well first off yes, i get to see my mother. Believe me, Talking to this lady is imposible. Its like she never grew up. Shes so immature. But acts mature around other people. Anyway... after feeling depressed or whatever i just end up feeling worse. Because there are so many people whose gone through worse and i know how much worse my life could be. I end up feeling guilty... i dont get it... :/