lorddia
August 27th, 2013, 01:58 PM
hey every body this is gonne be a very long post since i want to say a lot of things but it would mean a lot to me if people would read it and tell me what they think!
im 18 but i wanne describe my situation from when i was 14 i live in a Muslim country Muslim as in boy go to school together and girls go together so basically we hve no relation with the other sex -so i havent dated any one or been emotionally connected to any girl my own age -but in that age i felt a very strong attraction(very very very strong!:D) to girls so i used the only possible way which was porn sites i watched endless hours of porn and enjoyed it (like 2 hours a day for a year!)that was the time that i realized that watching too mush porn is bad not because of religious or stuff but because u will loose interest and it will get boring to you ! but it was too late for me i no longer found porn or naked girls interesting because i had seen too much ! any way until here i was sure that im straight but then i looked at my self and i saw that physically i dont like my body i mean i was fat and i had acne and i didnt had any close friends and as i was surrounded with only boys (because of the Muslim thing ) i found my self interested in a friend of mine(and only that person) who had all the things that i wanted i mean he was slim he was cool he had a lot of friends and ... but the attraction wasn't sexual but as i got to know him and as we became closer i found my self even sexually attracted to him ! in the mean time i started to go to the gym and i started to become who i wanted to be and with that my attraction to him got weaker and weaker !(i used to dream about him (sexual dreams) and they stopped ) and right know i dont see him any more and i dont feel any thing about him any more ! (its like i dont care about him at all ) but then i started to watch gay porn just to make sure about my sexual orientation and it got worse i mean when i see those men all that i care about is their body shape not their sexual interaction i dont know if im atracted to those men or is that just because i want to look exactly like them (i mean physically) and the other thing that crosses my mind while watching them is that i want to have somebody that i can be myself with him/her and not to be ashamed of who i am ! and i feel like (although its just porn and they dont even know each other) that they have what im seeking ! (and i know that i can have just the same thing with girls too !)and right now i dont even know what or who (boy or girl) turns me on ! i mean i feel like non of them turn me on because im so worried about these things that i cant tell if im attracted to some one or not ! and as i said i have never even talked my emotions with any girl and i might not be possible for years ! i just wanted to know could this be nothing could i be just worrying to much ? is that possible that i be straight? (and yes i can imagine myself with a girl and i dont feel like girls are turn offs and one other thing is that only boys who are exactly like me turn me on i mean there was this one other guy whom i was attracted to but then he got fat and changed his appearance and all the attraction was gone! and all the other guys i dont feel any thing about them only the ones that have something that i admire ! )so my last question what sexual orientation do u think i have ? gay bi or straight?
im 18 but i wanne describe my situation from when i was 14 i live in a Muslim country Muslim as in boy go to school together and girls go together so basically we hve no relation with the other sex -so i havent dated any one or been emotionally connected to any girl my own age -but in that age i felt a very strong attraction(very very very strong!:D) to girls so i used the only possible way which was porn sites i watched endless hours of porn and enjoyed it (like 2 hours a day for a year!)that was the time that i realized that watching too mush porn is bad not because of religious or stuff but because u will loose interest and it will get boring to you ! but it was too late for me i no longer found porn or naked girls interesting because i had seen too much ! any way until here i was sure that im straight but then i looked at my self and i saw that physically i dont like my body i mean i was fat and i had acne and i didnt had any close friends and as i was surrounded with only boys (because of the Muslim thing ) i found my self interested in a friend of mine(and only that person) who had all the things that i wanted i mean he was slim he was cool he had a lot of friends and ... but the attraction wasn't sexual but as i got to know him and as we became closer i found my self even sexually attracted to him ! in the mean time i started to go to the gym and i started to become who i wanted to be and with that my attraction to him got weaker and weaker !(i used to dream about him (sexual dreams) and they stopped ) and right know i dont see him any more and i dont feel any thing about him any more ! (its like i dont care about him at all ) but then i started to watch gay porn just to make sure about my sexual orientation and it got worse i mean when i see those men all that i care about is their body shape not their sexual interaction i dont know if im atracted to those men or is that just because i want to look exactly like them (i mean physically) and the other thing that crosses my mind while watching them is that i want to have somebody that i can be myself with him/her and not to be ashamed of who i am ! and i feel like (although its just porn and they dont even know each other) that they have what im seeking ! (and i know that i can have just the same thing with girls too !)and right now i dont even know what or who (boy or girl) turns me on ! i mean i feel like non of them turn me on because im so worried about these things that i cant tell if im attracted to some one or not ! and as i said i have never even talked my emotions with any girl and i might not be possible for years ! i just wanted to know could this be nothing could i be just worrying to much ? is that possible that i be straight? (and yes i can imagine myself with a girl and i dont feel like girls are turn offs and one other thing is that only boys who are exactly like me turn me on i mean there was this one other guy whom i was attracted to but then he got fat and changed his appearance and all the attraction was gone! and all the other guys i dont feel any thing about them only the ones that have something that i admire ! )so my last question what sexual orientation do u think i have ? gay bi or straight?