Confirmation

[JadQ]

Alright, here's the thing.
I live in Finland. I've grown up as a member of the Lutheran Church.
About a year ago, I started questioning my beliefs. Do I really believe in this book?
The answer? No. It's full of bs.
It contradicts itself, it is sexist, homophobic etc.
I don't want to be a member of a organisation that supports what this book says.

So I'm an atheist. Well, not officially. Because my parents won't let my leave the church until I turn 18. My parents know I'm an atheist and I've had several debates with my father about religion.

Now, I'm not sure if other churches have this, but in the Lutheran Church there is this thing called confirmation, where you go to this religious camp thingy for a week and learn Bible verses and stuff about Jesus and all. And after that you go to a church for a ceremony where you acknowledge that you wish to be a member of the church and follow Jesus Christ yade yada.
You get it?

After "confirming" yourself you are considered 'grown' or a 'adult' in the church and you can do stuff like getting married in the church and that kinda stuff. (once you turn 18)

The good thing about confirmation is that you're allowed to choose yourself if you want to do it or not. Or at least that's the way it's supposed to be.

I just don't want to be a member of this church, but not being a member would result in me not being able to be married or do a few other things in the church.
And as I've understood it girls really like weddings... :P

Also my dad really wants me to get confirmed because "it's a tradition" and because he is a pretty religious man.

What would you do in this situation?

Please don't turn this into a flame war about why people should be religious or not.
I'm an atheist and that's not going to change. I'm just here to get advice.

Thank you. :)

[QuantumPhysics]

I really am stumped. You could be confirmed then just ignore tht in ur hed. Or refuse and get married in an office or different church. Hope this helps

[Elysium]

I wouldn't do it. You might not live there your entire life and there are plenty of other places where you can get married without being part of the church. After all, there are many atheists (and people of other religions) in the world that have married.

[NeuroTiger]

It's a really tricky situation.
I'll tell to accept the confirmation on the behalf of your family and maybe your future.
One question please: once you become a member, can you leave the sect later on?

[Camazotz]

I came out to my parents as an atheist when I had to deal with going through Confirmation. Since the rite is all about "confirming your faith and finalizing your bond with God and the Church," it would be an outright lie for me to have gone through with it, so I told my parents and they agreed that it made no sense to be a part of something I didn't believe in. They were incredibly supportive, despite them being pretty religious (church every Sunday, attend mass on most holy days of obligation, etc.)

In most Western countries (like America- not sure about Finland), the Church is unaffiliated with the government, and therefore, marriage is a legal right and not church-owned. Put simply, you can get married even if you're not religious.

If you'd like to read more of my story, you can read my thread that I made when I was going through this. I changed the essay that I wrote, but you're free to look at it and get ideas for what you want to say when you discuss this issue with you parents (this is really something you should do now, and not suppress your feelings until you're 18).

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=50180

[Castle of Glass]

Alright, here's the thing.
I live in Finland. I've grown up as a member of the Lutheran Church.
About a year ago, I started questioning my beliefs. Do I really believe in this book?
The answer? No. It's full of bs.
It contradicts itself, it is sexist, homophobic etc.
I don't want to be a member of a organisation that supports what this book says.

So I'm an atheist. Well, not officially. Because my parents won't let my leave the church until I turn 18. My parents know I'm an atheist and I've had several debates with my father about religion.

Now, I'm not sure if other churches have this, but in the Lutheran Church there is this thing called confirmation, where you go to this religious camp thingy for a week and learn Bible verses and stuff about Jesus and all. And after that you go to a church for a ceremony where you acknowledge that you wish to be a member of the church and follow Jesus Christ yade yada.
You get it?

After "confirming" yourself you are considered 'grown' or a 'adult' in the church and you can do stuff like getting married in the church and that kinda stuff. (once you turn 18)

The good thing about confirmation is that you're allowed to choose yourself if you want to do it or not. Or at least that's the way it's supposed to be.

I just don't want to be a member of this church, but not being a member would result in me not being able to be married or do a few other things in the church.
And as I've understood it girls really like weddings... :P

Also my dad really wants me to get confirmed because "it's a tradition" and because he is a pretty religious man.

What would you do in this situation?

Please don't turn this into a flame war about why people should be religious or not.
I'm an atheist and that's not going to change. I'm just here to get advice.

Thank you. :)

So i just quoted this entire thing, because, konfis on tehty. Have to say this in english though. I am also from finland and i did my confirmation not this summer but the one before it.

Do I believe in everything in it. No. If you really are lutheran evangelic, you would know that it is one of the most accepting churches in the the world. The Book may say stuff, but the community is chill.

So, let me tell you a story before i answer your stuff. OK?

I am an "outsider" in finland. I haven't even lived in finland for more than 3 years. But I speak finnish, and can barely write it XD And still i did it. I know i am different from most fins so i was shy as fuck on the first day. But two "isosta" where from the same confirmation camp as my brother. So i in a way knew someone who knew my family. Then on the first day, the leaders of my camp placed a huge ass map of finland on the ground and told us to stand where we were from in finland. Everyone went to some town or city in finland. me, i just walked over to the edge of the map, kept walking till i guessed was where California was. When they asked me why i was there, I just said, i an outsider. BTW this was at SUOMEN LÄHETYSSEURA's confirmation camp at Päiväkumpu(if you have a choice of places to go, i recommend that place). So was some what normal to have ppl from outside of finland there. But i was different. I was the only who didn't know anyone(everyone else knew at least one other person) I could barely read the Book, and when i did it was slowly with a bunch of mistakes. I was really excepting to be made fun off, but it never happened. It was the only place i have ever felt accepted.

I know the catholic church pretty well, so i know who the book is against a lot of shit. But there it was different. They told us the book shouldn't be followed 100% to the word. There are exceptions to it. Slowly as the days went on, i started to know the other ppl. And they were amazing ppl. All of us bonded. We have something special only the group of us from that camp have. And they really don't shove the religion down your throat as you would except. You can be open with your camp priest. I know one of the girls form my camp was openly Lesbian. The priest didn't tell her to be healed from it. She just told the girl that no matter who you are, you are forgiven of your sins and accepted. Yes it may seem hard as an Aethist in finland, but i recommend going. though you will say stuff that go against your belief, you should go.

I am still in contact with my friends from that week. Though i will never see them all again, i will see some most likely, some i will not. Toward the end of the camp, there was a huge cry cry circle after the last service because we wouldn't see each other for a long time. They saw each other after about 2 months(jatkis) but i was already here in Cali. I can talk with the people from ti if i need but i really don't just because my finnish is shit.

Should you go? Yes.

In most Western countries (like America- not sure about Finland), the Church is unaffiliated with the government, and therefore, marriage is a legal right and not church-owned. Put simply, you can get married even if you're not religious.

Yea in the US the Church isn't involved in politics. In finland there is an official religion. so it is pretty involved

[JadQ]

Alright, thanks for the answers everyone! :)

[Jman98]

U can still get married without being confirmed, I just believe that it can't be in a church but that doesn't matter anyways because most modern wedding aren't in churches now anyways. Idk if I will be confirmed or not, haven't gone to church in years or done any of the CCD classes since I made my holy communion.

[Castle of Glass]

U can still get married without being confirmed, I just believe that it can't be in a church but that doesn't matter anyways because most modern wedding aren't in churches now anyways. Idk if I will be confirmed or not, haven't gone to church in years or done any of the CCD classes since I made my holy communion.

Well, in finland you need to get confirmed to get married. It doesn't matter where, its just easier for the marriage to get recognized

[Cygnus]

You don't HAVE to marry through the church, and if you do not want to get confirmed then don't. It is your beliefs, not your dad's.