Please help me

[ashleyrobinson]

Hey so I have a pretty complex problem on my hands and i didnt really know where to put it so ill throw it in here because alot of it has to so with self harm. Anyway so last year at school i became pretty friendly with this one girl whos been known to be like depressed and suicidal but i started talking to her and shes really nice and everything. She talks to me and confides in me and all of that and she told me she has attempted suicide before and cut herself before and i spoke to her extensively trying to tell her that there were other ways to deal with things and all of that. So i have this friend (male) that ive had for a couple of years now and she just so happened to have fallen head over heels in love with him so i told him about it and tried to set it up but he doesnt like her as anything more than a friend so ive told him to be nice and talk to her and things like that. That was all about 3 months ago and hes been talking to her and being nice to her and things like that but shes still madly in love with him and shes falling even more in love with him now that hes talking to her. She recently was texting me about how she loves him and how if she were to lose him she wouldnt know what to do and im scared of telling her the truth because i feel that she would harm herself over it and im jusy really confused i have no idea what to do and i really need help and advice because im really scared for her

[uglyinsideandout]

I have no idea what the solution is, I just hope that next time you have the chance you don't set up this kind of thing to happen. I knew before I'd read half the post where it was going to end up. Even if she wasn't having lots of issues and whatnot, telling him to 'be nice' to her when he has no interest and she has lots is just asking for hurt feelings and heart break.

The only ways I can think of to fix this aren't really possible for you to make happen, unless you have a way to make him move away or some other 'no fault' way to end the crush. Maybe he could have less and less free time to hang around 'being nice' and you could help distract her with something else.

Whatever happens I think she probably needs some therapy if she isn't already getting help. If she is and there's any way possible maybe you could tell her therapist about the problem, but I don't know if that's something you can even do.

[Mynick]

The only ways I can think of to fix this aren't really possible for you to make happen, unless you have a way to make him move away or some other 'no fault' way to end the crush. Maybe he could have less and less free time to hang around 'being nice' and you could help distract her with something else.

This, the worst thing you could do to her is giving her hope and them take it. I know it wans't you intention but it ended up really bad.
As Nicki said tell him to 'be busy' talk less and less with her. But make sure he doesn't dump her out od nowhere.
And spend time with her, try to do your best to calm her and keep her from cutting.

[suicidalbutter]

Hey so I have a pretty complex problem on my hands and i didnt really know where to put it so ill throw it in here because alot of it has to so with self harm. Anyway so last year at school i became pretty friendly with this one girl whos been known to be like depressed and suicidal but i started talking to her and shes really nice and everything. She talks to me and confides in me and all of that and she told me she has attempted suicide before and cut herself before and i spoke to her extensively trying to tell her that there were other ways to deal with things and all of that. So i have this friend (male) that ive had for a couple of years now and she just so happened to have fallen head over heels in love with him so i told him about it and tried to set it up but he doesnt like her as anything more than a friend so ive told him to be nice and talk to her and things like that. That was all about 3 months ago and hes been talking to her and being nice to her and things like that but shes still madly in love with him and shes falling even more in love with him now that hes talking to her. She recently was texting me about how she loves him and how if she were to lose him she wouldnt know what to do and im scared of telling her the truth because i feel that she would harm herself over it and im jusy really confused i have no idea what to do and i really need help and advice because im really scared for her


Tell her the truth, yes she may harm. But she needs to know that there's no chance before this continues even further. First check with the boy and make sure he still only wants to be friends, if he still doesn't like her that way then yes tell her the truth. And she should also seek out a therapist or someone to confide in that is a professional if she feels like harming after you tell her the truth.

[ashleyrobinson]

Thanks for the responses but since i posted this ive learned that 2 days ago she like confessed her love to him in like a 5 paragraph long text and he basically freaked out and didnt respond or tell me or anything. She told me about it tonight and i told her i would be seeing my friend on wednesday and that im sure theres a logical reason for why he didnt respond but now i really need some more suggestions because i dont know what to do at all at this point

[suicidalbutter]

Thanks for the responses but since i posted this ive learned that 2 days ago she like confessed her love to him in like a 5 paragraph long text and he basically freaked out and didnt respond or tell me or anything. She told me about it tonight and i told her i would be seeing my friend on wednesday and that im sure theres a logical reason for why he didnt respond but now i really need some more suggestions because i dont know what to do at all at this point

and this is why you don't play match maker... I don't mean that as rude. I just mean generally people shouldn't do this sort of thing. so you talk to him. Seriously. Talk to him about it. When you get his response of "I just want to be friends" then you tell her that. You tell her the truth. You say that he's always just wanted to be friends, and that you'll be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. That's all you can do. You can't make anything up, you just have to tell her that he wants to be friends and he needs some time to forget about the letter (which he might actually need).

If she considers harming because of this you should remind her there are other ways to deal with the emotional pain and try to convince her harming is not the answer.

[uglyinsideandout]

Maybe if you get them together so she can hear it from him. You being in the middle is half the problem. You could also step up and explain your part in it so she understands that he never actually rejected her. You may lose her as a friend, she may try to harm. All kinds of bad stuff could come of this. But being honest is the best approach I think.

[Weasley M]

Thanks for the responses but since i posted this ive learned that 2 days ago she like confessed her love to him in like a 5 paragraph long text and he basically freaked out and didnt respond or tell me or anything. She told me about it tonight and i told her i would be seeing my friend on wednesday and that im sure theres a logical reason for why he didnt respond but now i really need some more suggestions because i dont know what to do at all at this point


This could really bad for her. I was in similar situation a year ago. This will be very hard for you, too. For her good you shouldn't really leave her side. I think that he won't talk to her again soon, and she is going to be very confused at first, but then she's going to figure out that he doesn't like her, and then she is going to be depressed again and probably cut herself.
I think you should talk to her about that. You should prepare her about what is probably going to happen, and try to help her not to cut herself. Try to occupy her mind with something, for example, music, sport, books, art, anything. I hope that it will help.

[numbness]

just try to support her if nothing else