unknownuser
August 24th, 2013, 12:07 PM
Sorry this is sort of going to be a rant thread, but I need to get it off my chest...
So I've always had this love/hate relationship with my family since I was little... I love my parents because you know, they're family, they brought me toys/clothes/food and such, but I was physically and verbal abused (by means of belt whipping/punching and being called bad things).
The physical abuse has somewhat ceased, but there are some occasions where my dad will get drunk and chase me around the house, trying to beat the shit out of me. I've put up with it for basically my whole life, so I guess that I'm kind of used to it... the verbal abuse, however, has been taking a toll on me. First it was both of my parents that would call me a "fat pig", "fat cow", and whatnot and I guess that was sort of a trigger for my eating disorder and self harm... My mom has sort of stopped, we sort of understand each other now and are on the same page, but my dad will still call me things, especially when he's had a lot to drink and you make him angry. (and did I mention that my dad gets angry REALLY easily, even the smallest thing like leaving a piece of paper on the kitchen table or not pushing in the computer chair gets him furious). I also have a younger sister, whom HATES my guts. She's always comparing herself to me, saying that I suck at everything and rubs it into my face that she's smart and I'm dumb, she's beautiful and I'm not, that everyone likes her and hates me, that she's going to be rich and famous and I'm going to die in a hole and no one is going to care about what happens to me (and this is coming from an effin 12-year old, you'd think they're all sweet and innocent, but NO.) And what really makes me mad is that she'll steal my favorite clothes, my hair stuff, and my make up and hide it from me because she says that I'm ugly as hell anyway and that stuff isn't even going to help me.
So yeah, tons of negativeness around here. I try not to let it get to me and brush it off, but there come times were I just want to repeatedly slam my head against a brick wall or just die because it takes hold of your mentality. Because when you're surrounded by these kinds of people that keep pushing you down your whole life, you eventually break down and can't take it anymore...
End of rant
So I've always had this love/hate relationship with my family since I was little... I love my parents because you know, they're family, they brought me toys/clothes/food and such, but I was physically and verbal abused (by means of belt whipping/punching and being called bad things).
The physical abuse has somewhat ceased, but there are some occasions where my dad will get drunk and chase me around the house, trying to beat the shit out of me. I've put up with it for basically my whole life, so I guess that I'm kind of used to it... the verbal abuse, however, has been taking a toll on me. First it was both of my parents that would call me a "fat pig", "fat cow", and whatnot and I guess that was sort of a trigger for my eating disorder and self harm... My mom has sort of stopped, we sort of understand each other now and are on the same page, but my dad will still call me things, especially when he's had a lot to drink and you make him angry. (and did I mention that my dad gets angry REALLY easily, even the smallest thing like leaving a piece of paper on the kitchen table or not pushing in the computer chair gets him furious). I also have a younger sister, whom HATES my guts. She's always comparing herself to me, saying that I suck at everything and rubs it into my face that she's smart and I'm dumb, she's beautiful and I'm not, that everyone likes her and hates me, that she's going to be rich and famous and I'm going to die in a hole and no one is going to care about what happens to me (and this is coming from an effin 12-year old, you'd think they're all sweet and innocent, but NO.) And what really makes me mad is that she'll steal my favorite clothes, my hair stuff, and my make up and hide it from me because she says that I'm ugly as hell anyway and that stuff isn't even going to help me.
So yeah, tons of negativeness around here. I try not to let it get to me and brush it off, but there come times were I just want to repeatedly slam my head against a brick wall or just die because it takes hold of your mentality. Because when you're surrounded by these kinds of people that keep pushing you down your whole life, you eventually break down and can't take it anymore...
End of rant