Asked out Bi Friend

[Yoshimitzu]

I've been contemplating my sexuality for a while now, and while I would probably label myself as straight, I do crush on guys fairly often. Three days ago a friend of mine, very attractive who I've had a thing for for a while, told me he'd come out as bi a while ago. We spent a while discussing life and sexuality and how neither of us had ever been in a relationship. He's two years younger than me and is at my school.

I decided the next day to talk to him, having contemplated it the whole day, and essentially asked him out. I told him that I wanted to know what it would be like to go out with a guy and asked if he'd like to see a film and have dinner at some point. I said I didn't want anything sexual or a "fling", just to see what it would be like. He got very awkward that I'd put him on the spot like this, saying that he didn't want to be a "crash test dummy" and that it was strange due to the age gap. He said that he'd have to take a few days to think about it, and left very hastily. Things got very awkward for the rest of the day, and he wouldn't make eye contact.

Yesterday, we met up again and I apologised for putting him on the spot and making him feel uncomfortable. I said that I didn't withdraw my comments, but that we should probably both move on and try to stay good friends. We're getting on fine, but I won't see him again for a couple of weeks and don't know how it will feel then.

My question is: Do you think I approached this in the wrong way, and can anything happen now?

[Magenta]

His response was totally reasonable. He probably doesn't want to go on a date with someone then get immediately rejected if you decide that's not what you're into. It's not something that's completely comfortable for a lot of people.

Also, it might have been a bit awkward for him to come out to you then have you ask him the next day if he basically wanted to help you experiment. Personally, I'd see that as taking advantage of my sexuality if someone did that to me. Just the timing of it all would make me feel very uncomfortable. He might just be looking for a proper relationship and it was good that you were honest about what you wanted but... maybe it could have been taken the wrong way. Like rather than "I think I really like you and would like to take a bit of a chance" it sounds more like "You're my friend, you told me you're bi, I'm curious so wanna help?" which can feel a bit insensitive.

If he likes you back and warms up to the idea, I'd let him come to you. But it sounds like a no at this point. Just stay friends if you can, as you did apologise which is good.

[Yoshimitzu]

I didn't mean it to seem like taking advantage of his sexuality, but I do suppose it must have seemed like that. The other thing is that he doesn't know, and I didn't tell him, that I've had a huge crush on him for ages. I've never felt for a guy like I do for him, but maybe I couldn't bring myself to say that as I didn't want to believe it myself. Now that I've been thinking about it constantly for the last few days, the idea of a relationship with him seems more and more desirable.

Would it be too weird if I now said to him "actually, I wasn't totally honest. I actually have proper feelings for you and would like to go out with you"? Should I just let things cool down first and then see if anything changes?

[Luminous]

I think you handled the situation well, apologising.


Would it be too weird if I now said to him "actually, I wasn't totally honest. I actually have proper feelings for you and would like to go out with you"? Should I just let things cool down first and then see if anything changes?

Wait for a few days ad then tell him that you actually like him.

Good luck to you.

[Josh from SoCal]

Yea, timing is everything as they say.....

Give him some space, then I'd tell him what you said you were considering - that you had already had a crush on him for awhile but circumstances kinda kept you away from admitting it to himself or to yourself. when he confided his sexuality, it opened things up for you and that you really were just trying to (maybe in a bad way) tell him that you had been attracted for a long time.

Still, this situation is a minefield. You're friends. Moving things to a romance could kill the relationship. had he not yet come out to you and you expressed an interest in mutual exploration, maybe things would have been different. but ya, the timing and the somewhat awkward way you put it (accidentally) probably made him take it the wrong way.

The apology is good. Once things are chill again, very gently tell him how you REALLY feel and that hi isnt just a "test run."