I am feeling hopeless

[Axw_JD]

There really is no hope... there is no point on going on... I am always everyone's last option when they don't have anyone to hang out and really want to that's the only time anyone has ever had time to spend with me, and the only one that does that is my best (and only) friend.

He just doesn't really care, nobody does. Everyone is always too busy hanging out with someone else or just doing nothing to even acknowledge I exist. If I was gone, nobody would miss me and several people I am sure would be glad I was gone.

I am just ready to give up... things just keep getting worse and I can't stand it anymore, the emotional pain is just too much. I feel cold and forgotten, I really want a hug right now, I just want all this pain to end.

[Living For Love]

Hey, look, it doesn't have to be that way. I don't have any friends (apart from my family and cousins) and I feel just alright. Here in Portugal we have an expression that says "It's better to be alone than with bad company." or something like that. Try to entertain yourself with things you like to do, talk with someone online, read the Bible (it helps for me), take care of yourself and live your life, alone, but happily. Wish you luck friend.

[Axw_JD]

Thanks for replying, it means a lot more than you think.

I just can't keep going like this. Every day hurts, a lot... I struggle to get out of bed every day because I can't see the point of it.

[uglyinsideandout]

I was going to reply to this the other day but I deleted my post before I sent it becasue it wasn't going to make you feel any better. FWIW, I think the CL idea is a very bad one.

[Heagert]

Hi ! It seems you didn't have met good people yet. And yeah, it doesn't have to be that way forever. I don't know how old you are, but if you're here I assume you're young, and you have so many things to live ! I was in your case, you know. I know how it's difficult to think forward in a positive way. Then I met a psychologist, I talked to him during few years, and now I'm in good terms with myself, so I can build projects and come out. The point is, if you're not okat with yourself, nothing's gonna be okay.
Please don't give up. I wish I could hug you right now.

[Axw_JD]

I have. My best friend, (he really is just pretty much the only friend / closest to a real friend I have ever had) but even for him I am just a very low priority thing... he is the most important person in my life right now and the only reason I am still alive right now, but every time he reminds me how little he truly cares and how he has other friends he actually cares about it hurts so much... it just kills me a little more inside, I mean whats the point of ever going on if the best friend I have ever managed to make couldn't care less about what happens to me? I could kill myself right here, right now, and I am sure he would just be glad I was out of his life and wouldn't annoy him any more since that's all I am good for...

[Living For Love]

I'm afraid he's not your best friend if he doesn't care about you. A true friend is someone who respects you the way we are and is always there to support in the bad moments. Remember that you're not the only person in the world living that kind of situation. There ara other people out there with the same problem. Just live each day at a time and don't do anything radical. Think about all the good things you have in your life, and everything will eventualy get better.

[BookSmart]

Please don't give up! I know your lonely and I'm not even going to pretend to know how much you're hurting, but please don't give up! Your "friend" doesn't sound like someone who is really there for you. Just keep on living. Make new friends who are really there for you. If you can't find anyone in RL, then you can make online friends. With today's technology, it really is possible to keep friendships going through the internet. VT would be a great place to start! I can even be your friend if you want me to :)

[Axw_JD]

he is the only friend I have, therefore the best friend I have. I don't want to believe he isn't my friend because, if he isn't, I really have no reason to live. I want to pretend the last ~2 hours didn't happen, but I honestly am better off dead.

I really wanna die right now. Things are never gonna get better, there is no point. I give up, I guess some people are just not meant to be happy. Nobody wants or needs me around, I am completely useless and worthless. Just an annoyance, something that gets in the way...

[roadwarrior]

There's a hope, god will help you all the time...

[ksdnfkfr]

I know how you feel J. I only have a single friend too. My story is close to yours. I decided a while ago not to rely on others being in my life, for life to be meaningful. I've never felt close to most everyone anyways. I've learned to be relatively happy with my own company. My friend has friends, he's fairly popular. But when I'm in a room with them, I actually feel a lot more lonely then when I'm by myself. I try to surround myself with things I enjoy and keep busy with my personal activities and hobbies. Sorry I don't have any constructive advice to give you. I was seeing a school counselor once a week last year and that's helped me get a better handle on things.

[Xavier2]

Nobody wants or needs me around, I am completely useless and worthless. Just an annoyance, something that gets in the way...

You are not. You are part of this community. There are people who care for you. You are not an annoyance, nor are you just a "something that gets in the way". Please, hang in there, don't let these thoughts push you into doing anything drastic. You are wanted and needed.

[david2705]

you are not alone in this.
i had my share of these thought many years. thay pass away over time.
but you must aks yourself: are the people around me realy having a great time? or are they just a bunch of shallow people? do i realy have something in common with them?
if not...well...you should let the preasure out with...music...i find it's the best way (at least for me). music can's disappoint you, beacuse you are creating it. I always thought: f*** (some) people i'm going to lock myself in my room and create something that can get my and my mind. and it helped.

and yet again...you are not the only only one...belive me

[Axw_JD]

I am not... today the entire day, no the entire fucking week has been a reminder of how little everyone cares and how much of an annoyance I am to the world... and I can't bring myself to hate anyone, I just feel lonely and hopeless, it hurts inside really bad, I wanna quit this...

[APhkinPanda]

Here is my question. I know how you feel, cause this is how I feel. Though, I don't let it control me. I have had it to long to just give up now.

Have you been able to go see a therapist and a psychologist? Maybe you just need some Anti-Depressants which will help a lot. You need to anchor yourself to something in life. Whether its for your brother or sister, unless you are an only child. Then think about your family. There are also people here on VT. You can always make more friends. But honestly sometimes, the mind can be a powerful thing. Thus believing that, you friends or you think that people think of you as a "last resort." Can actually make you believe that, and you must fight it. You must continue to fight it and beat it.

I really wish for the best for you. Because on how I live my life, it's because everyone was born for a reason/purpose. You can't just throw away your life because you are going through a hard time. So please keep going and push harder. Get over that mountain. I am sure things will turn better for you.

[BuryYourFlame]

There's no easy way to say this really but I'm not going to try and sugar coat things.
If the general age of VT is anything to go by, you're around 15-16, so there still may be a fair bit of hard hard times left in your life. As plenty of people have said though, you are definitely not alone in feeling this way.
When talking to people about stuff like this, I know from experience that a lot (if not all) of what they say just comes across as optimistic bull-shit, and a lot of it is. However, not all of it is actually stupid. Sometimes people do understand things you don't think they can comprehend.

I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through specifically, but I know these feelings and the self-repeating cycle they force you in to. With time, it will pass. That is my experience anyway; yours may be different of course. Put yourself out there more, I know it sounds weird. Getting yourself out there and having that bigger network of friends who can come to be a support network (not necessarily straight away) is an important step and probably the hardest one to start. Chose an event or activity some time in the future that you are looking forward to and focus on that.

Most of all, stay alive, stay strong. It does get better. Don't put a permanent end to your life because of temporary problems.

As other people have suggested, seeing a professional can help with these feelings as well. In my experience, they weren't the cure, they provided a way for you to help yourself. They help you analyse why you think the way you do and help instill positive mechanisms in dealing with these emotions.

People care about you, you are loved, you would be missed.

[Axw_JD]

I can't see a professional no matter what, is just something I can't afford any way.

Life is useless. I am completely worthless to everyone and to be honest that isn't a life I wanna live. It doesn't get better, and holding to that imaginary hope that things might get a tiny little bit better sometime in the far future isn't something worth holding onto. Nobody gives a fuck, and is about time I stop caring too... I just wish I had a guaranteed way to end it all so I wouldn't have any second thoughts about it...

[Xavier2]

Nobody gives a fuck, and is about time I stop caring too...

That's not true, everyone in this thread have been trying to think of ways to help you. None of us want you to do anything drastic or dangerous. I'm not sure where you live from your listed location, but here in Australia anyway there are support services like beyondblue, Kids Helpline, in extreme cases the suicide help line and certain taxpayer-funded programs that are specifically for children and adolescents.

Is there a student welfare officer or anything like that at your school? Please try and check around as they would know the right people who may be able to help you without you needing to worry about the financial stress.

[Axw_JD]

I'm sorry that I keep coming back to this thread to vent instead of just ending it all already... things just keep getting worse and worse and I just don't know... I'm scared but at the same time I just don't really have anything left...

[Living For Love]

You know that we all go through bad moments on our lives. Sometimes I just want to go to bed, hold my pillow really tight and cry, just cry, and not thinking about anything else. I have family problems, I have health problems, I have school problems, I have lots of people who hate me, and it's really hard, because sometimes I stop a bit and think "What am I doing here? Why do I need to live in this terror, in this nightmare, with this horrible anxiety?" But you know what? I'm still here. Somehow I managed to keep going on with my life and survive this. Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, but instead eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better. And it gets better, believe me.

So I guess you only need to cling to something that makes you feel good, and I'm sure you will be able to get through this. Good luck! :)

[Axw_JD]

Sadly it doesn't always get better, at least not for everyone... I am tired of seeing a bit of hope just for my dreams to get destroyed all over again. I am giving up, I can't keep going like this....

Right now I just wanna be dead...

[Axw_JD]

I wanna die tonight when I get home. I'm tired of this bullshit, it isn't worth it.