LydiaFlowers
August 22nd, 2013, 01:26 PM
Hello,
My name is Lydia and I am new to this whole forum thing. I have never been on a forum before because well, I never really felt the need. I just thought today that I would write this up in hope that it may help someone. If this message was to help anyone in the slightest I would be very happy.
Today was quite a big day for me. I went to the doctors about my weight loss which has affected me over quite a long period of time, I'd say about a year. I have never been interested in losing weight and I have never dieted yet I went from a nice weight of 8 stone 6, to a not so nice weight of 7 stone 3. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone of that weight can't look good, I simply am not comfortable with it. My bones are are very prominent and people were picking up on the fact I looked 'ill'.
It wasn't so much the appearance side of the whole thing, I just want to be healthy and happier, and feel less weak after the smallest tasks.
So anyway, I went to the doctors and he asked me some questions, nothing major. I also mentioned to him about my stress problems.
I have been seriously stressed out for the last 2 years, due to big family issues, not being acknowledged day to day, things that don't sound like they are terrible, I mean no one died or anything. But things nonetheless that after going through with them for 3 to 4 years, made a big impact on my life. My childhood isn't going to be a bunch of happy memories for me, I have happy memories yes, but mostly upsetting ones.
At around age 13, I started to break away from everyone. I started just sitting in my room as soon as I got home from school and detaching myself from everything, just listening to music, going on twitter, that's all really.
Nothing has changed nearly 3 years on. I have a great group of friends, we never argue or anything and I am so grateful for them, yet I could never try to explain to them the feelings that I feel. I'd hate to sound like I was just babbling on or sounding like a complete idiot. A lot of the time, I never feel like I am grounded, I don't feel like I am here. I feel like there is someone else inside of me controlling the majority of the things I do. When I walk, I don't feel as though I am consciously walking, I feel like I am plainly watching myself walking. I don't feel as though I am in my own body. I mean, it's a bit difficult to try and explain that to someone without sounding like a complete moron. But it's horrible, and I have felt like this for years.
Every now and then I will get this rush, an attack of just fear and being scared and panic, it could last for 20 minutes, sometimes a week, and it's just this horror.
So in the doctors today, I explained all of this to him and he was quite understanding about the whole thing, I mean he's a doctor I would expect that but it was nice to speak to someone about it all.
I was so scared about the whole thing though, my stomach was churning it was hellish for the wait but afterwards I feel better about it all. I told him about when I wanted to end my life and I told him a lot of details about it all. So basically, why I have written this, if anyone takes the time to read it, I hope, it just to let you know that it's just a quick trip that could change a lot for you. What have you got to lose? Take a friend, take a family member, and if not them, take yourself. I got so much help today, even just getting it off my chest was such a nice feeling. I wasn't made to feel like an idiot. And all that time before when I was thinking, but what if they turn round and say is wasn't important? What if this isn't worth a trip to the doctors, am I just wasting their time? If you are having thoughts about killing yourself, please just go. Please tell someone who cares about you if you are lucky enough to have someone. You have nothing to lose.
I hope someone can relate to this in the slightest,
Thankyou for anyone who has actually read this,
Lydia : )
My name is Lydia and I am new to this whole forum thing. I have never been on a forum before because well, I never really felt the need. I just thought today that I would write this up in hope that it may help someone. If this message was to help anyone in the slightest I would be very happy.
Today was quite a big day for me. I went to the doctors about my weight loss which has affected me over quite a long period of time, I'd say about a year. I have never been interested in losing weight and I have never dieted yet I went from a nice weight of 8 stone 6, to a not so nice weight of 7 stone 3. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone of that weight can't look good, I simply am not comfortable with it. My bones are are very prominent and people were picking up on the fact I looked 'ill'.
It wasn't so much the appearance side of the whole thing, I just want to be healthy and happier, and feel less weak after the smallest tasks.
So anyway, I went to the doctors and he asked me some questions, nothing major. I also mentioned to him about my stress problems.
I have been seriously stressed out for the last 2 years, due to big family issues, not being acknowledged day to day, things that don't sound like they are terrible, I mean no one died or anything. But things nonetheless that after going through with them for 3 to 4 years, made a big impact on my life. My childhood isn't going to be a bunch of happy memories for me, I have happy memories yes, but mostly upsetting ones.
At around age 13, I started to break away from everyone. I started just sitting in my room as soon as I got home from school and detaching myself from everything, just listening to music, going on twitter, that's all really.
Nothing has changed nearly 3 years on. I have a great group of friends, we never argue or anything and I am so grateful for them, yet I could never try to explain to them the feelings that I feel. I'd hate to sound like I was just babbling on or sounding like a complete idiot. A lot of the time, I never feel like I am grounded, I don't feel like I am here. I feel like there is someone else inside of me controlling the majority of the things I do. When I walk, I don't feel as though I am consciously walking, I feel like I am plainly watching myself walking. I don't feel as though I am in my own body. I mean, it's a bit difficult to try and explain that to someone without sounding like a complete moron. But it's horrible, and I have felt like this for years.
Every now and then I will get this rush, an attack of just fear and being scared and panic, it could last for 20 minutes, sometimes a week, and it's just this horror.
So in the doctors today, I explained all of this to him and he was quite understanding about the whole thing, I mean he's a doctor I would expect that but it was nice to speak to someone about it all.
I was so scared about the whole thing though, my stomach was churning it was hellish for the wait but afterwards I feel better about it all. I told him about when I wanted to end my life and I told him a lot of details about it all. So basically, why I have written this, if anyone takes the time to read it, I hope, it just to let you know that it's just a quick trip that could change a lot for you. What have you got to lose? Take a friend, take a family member, and if not them, take yourself. I got so much help today, even just getting it off my chest was such a nice feeling. I wasn't made to feel like an idiot. And all that time before when I was thinking, but what if they turn round and say is wasn't important? What if this isn't worth a trip to the doctors, am I just wasting their time? If you are having thoughts about killing yourself, please just go. Please tell someone who cares about you if you are lucky enough to have someone. You have nothing to lose.
I hope someone can relate to this in the slightest,
Thankyou for anyone who has actually read this,
Lydia : )