handle with care
August 18th, 2013, 09:19 PM
my mom has no understanding of me and continuously yells at me telling me what to do what not to do and gets mad if i express myself she lets people have affairs in our house yet always that cheating is wrong and she and my dad really don't see eye to eye on this subject because he cheated on her for the same reasons the people who are using our house to cheat on their spouses are and i don't see how she can be so two faced and we have an agreement with someone that they clean our house for us and my dad helps her with groceries and gas. my mom tells me to clean while the cleaning lady is here doing her job and she even sees my mom controlling me and says my mom shouldn't make me do her job she gets paid for it i don't. my mom won't let me be me i'm not allowed to sing unless i'm sing country which i don't like country music i'm not allowed to dance at all. she is a complete hypocrite she tells me to clean anything i dirty and when she dirties some thing she tells me to put it in the sink or to throw away her trash sometimes she won't walk five feet from the couch to the fridge to get her own drink. all i ever do is get yelled at and she uses guilt trips the last time i tried to commit suicide she made me feel guilty for that. if we are talking about something and we disagree on something and i provide evidence that i'm right she instantly says i don't know what i'm talking about and she tells me what i would or wouldn't do she says i had a great childhood if that's true how come i blocked out most of it and didn't have any friends until i was eleven and then i only had four or five. she disagrees with me when i say i lived a shelter life i was home schooled but neither of my parents could teach me so i had teach myself. at times i feel like she doesn't love me and wants me to be something i'm not if i don't sit down quietly she tells me i need more medicine and need a stronger dosage or to go drink some type of stimulant rich energy drink or coffee if it makes people hyper she assumes it will calm me down because i have adhd and all i ever hear out of her mouth is do you want to do some chore as if i actually enjoy them and if i say i don't want to but i'll do it anyway she gets mad and gives me a 30 minute lecture and is angry the whole day so i really have no choice but to say i want to do something i don't want to do. she gets mad if i get hurt and i can't self harm because she said she will put me in the mental hospital if she finds out if i do it again. she always uses threats when i was a child it was if you don't behave you will go to the boys home or you will bust you head open and need stitches at times i feel like she is trying to abuse me with her words as a child she would make me cry because she would yell at me and call me things like fuckhead and smack me in the back of the head and every time i tried to bond with her she pushed me away. the more i tried to be what she wanted me to be the more i began to hate myself. all she ever did was hide things from me i wasn't allowed to see my dads side of the family because she claims they tried to brainwash me but if anyone is trying to brainwash me its her who wants me brainwashed. my dad doesn't understand me much either but he knows me better than my mom so i suppose that's better than nothing at least he lets me express myself he just doesn't take interest in any of it but he does support me in anything i do even if he isn't interested in it.