Gumleaf
August 16th, 2013, 05:28 PM
This is sorta a follow up to this thread...... http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=188354
I was wondering if this makes sense to anyone? For the longest time now I have felt like i'm not good enough for anyone or anything. These thoughts result in me hating myself, more so at some times then other times. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have I cherish and probably go over the top proving myself to them like I have to convince them that i'm good enough for them, when in reality i'm just trying to prove that to myself. When I lose friends, for whatever reason, I see that as a personal attack against me. Like I was proven right and not good enough for them to start with. Then the fear, depression and emotions all start over. Each time this happens, it breaks me more and more and makes it harder to let someone in. But because of who I am, I still let people in but the fear of not being good enough and being hurt agains rises every time.
I've had girlfriends. But every relationship has ended badly. It's like i'm just ment to be single forever, that i'm not good enough for anyone. That when I do have a girlfriend i'm just a fill in until someone better comes along. I hate being in this cycle, and I can't break it. There is a girl I like now, but i'm not going to see her again for a few weeks. But i'm just so discouraged and scared of being thrown under the bus again that I don't even think I should even talk to her.
So like i've been told before that i'm an amazing person blah blah blah. How can I be when these same people just throw me under the bus? It just keeps feeling like i'm nothing, and when i'm at my worst, I believe it more then anything. Does this make sense to anyone?
I was wondering if this makes sense to anyone? For the longest time now I have felt like i'm not good enough for anyone or anything. These thoughts result in me hating myself, more so at some times then other times. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have I cherish and probably go over the top proving myself to them like I have to convince them that i'm good enough for them, when in reality i'm just trying to prove that to myself. When I lose friends, for whatever reason, I see that as a personal attack against me. Like I was proven right and not good enough for them to start with. Then the fear, depression and emotions all start over. Each time this happens, it breaks me more and more and makes it harder to let someone in. But because of who I am, I still let people in but the fear of not being good enough and being hurt agains rises every time.
I've had girlfriends. But every relationship has ended badly. It's like i'm just ment to be single forever, that i'm not good enough for anyone. That when I do have a girlfriend i'm just a fill in until someone better comes along. I hate being in this cycle, and I can't break it. There is a girl I like now, but i'm not going to see her again for a few weeks. But i'm just so discouraged and scared of being thrown under the bus again that I don't even think I should even talk to her.
So like i've been told before that i'm an amazing person blah blah blah. How can I be when these same people just throw me under the bus? It just keeps feeling like i'm nothing, and when i'm at my worst, I believe it more then anything. Does this make sense to anyone?