What Should I Do? Help

[ByXaz]

I first burned myself two years ago as a game. It was with an eraser, yes, It was stupid I know. I didn't know how bad the scars would be and as of then I didn't know self harm existed. Last year I started to see how pointless life is and I couldn't say anything about how I felt. I began to think that life is full of momentary moments of happiness but in the end it all ends in sadness. I tried not to change my appearance because I'm the last person who should be having these thoughts. I get straight A's and come from a loving home. I burned myself with an eraser like I had that first time, and it calmed me down a lot. I didn't really like the pain, I just liked how it made me after. I started doing it the same way more, and people started to notice. My parents have asked why I have these "scratches" on my left hand and wrist and I just make lame excuses. Earlier this year I cut myself to see if I liked it better than burning. I didn't. I liked it better than burning, but I just hate sharp things. At one point I didn't have anything to burn myself with on hand and I got rid of my razor so I took a key and kind of slashed myself with it. I don't like that I do this, but I don't really see any way. I can't do it for awhile because my parents have been asking what the marks are. I've had a peak in negative thoughts lately and I just don't know what to do about them. So that's a little bit of my story, and I just want any advice anyone here can give. I've run out of places to turn

[uglyinsideandout]

I don't know what to tell you except that you're not alone and once you get started it's very hard to stop. I can't stop or I'd tell you how I did it. I can go maybe 2-3 days at most before I have to do it again and those 2-3 days are very bad days.

[suicidalbutter]

I've tried a lot of things. And sure I still relapse since I am an 8 yr addict, but I've gone months without it before.

Here's one way that helped me:
you could try talking to a friend about it. Or you could write out your feelings. if you have a computer it works best. you type out all the feelings you are having. think really hard about them. type it all out. doesn't even need to make sense to be honest. then read over what you have written. hell, even edit it if you want. When you are done with typing and editing: take a deep breath and exit out of the page. Don't save what you typed. just exit it out.
in a sense you are still releasing those feelings. you have just typed them out and deleted them from existence. It may sound stupid but it's a better way to cope than harming yourself.

[ByXaz]

I've tried a lot of things. And sure I still relapse since I am an 8 yr addict, but I've gone months without it before.

Here's one way that helped me:
you could try talking to a friend about it. Or you could write out your feelings. if you have a computer it works best. you type out all the feelings you are having. think really hard about them. type it all out. doesn't even need to make sense to be honest. then read over what you have written. hell, even edit it if you want. When you are done with typing and editing: take a deep breath and exit out of the page. Don't save what you typed. just exit it out.
in a sense you are still releasing those feelings. you have just typed them out and deleted them from existence. It may sound stupid but it's a better way to cope than harming yourself.

I'll have to try that. Thanks

[suicidalbutter]

I'll have to try that. Thanks

you're welcome! hope it helps! :)

[ByXaz]

Tried it worked a little. Today things just got really shitty so it went back to the way it was. I guess I'll have to just try really hard not to and over time it'll become easier

[suicidalbutter]

then try this:
(I've posted this a couple times now to others, I think this is another possible way to try to stop.)

try stopping for one day. if you can make it through one day try going for a couple days. then try a week. and then try a month. if you fail to not be able to get through a day, then start over and try again the next day. if you fail to not be able to get through a couple days start over and try another couple of days. same with the week and trying for a month.

[ByXaz]

then try this:
(I've posted this a couple times now to others, I think this is another possible way to try to stop.)

try stopping for one day. if you can make it through one day try going for a couple days. then try a week. and then try a month. if you fail to not be able to get through a day, then start over and try again the next day. if you fail to not be able to get through a couple days start over and try another couple of days. same with the week and trying for a month.

I'll definitely try that. Earlier today I had an overpowering urge to burn and I just laid on my bed and looked at the wall for an hour until it went away.

[suicidalbutter]

Trying to just fight the urge till it lessens usually helps. I hope you find the way that's best for you to get through this :)

[ByXaz]

Trying to just fight the urge till it lessens usually helps. I hope you find the way that's best for you to get through this :)

The feelings go on and off pretty quickly. I think it will get better

[suicidalbutter]

I'll cross my fingers for you!

[ByXaz]

I'll cross my fingers for you!

Is it better or worse if I drink? I have been I just noticed that it might not be a good alternative

[suicidalbutter]

NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) usually just leads scars, drinking in the long run can lead to so many other problems health wise.

I won't condone drinking only because I've tried drinking before and it only made things worse. First I would drink because I felt guilty about cutting, and then I would cut because I felt guilty about drinking. Vicious cycle.

[ByXaz]

NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury) usually just leads scars, drinking in the long run can lead to so many other problems health wise.

I won't condone drinking only because I've tried drinking before and it only made things worse. First I would drink because I felt guilty about cutting, and then I would cut because I felt guilty about drinking. Vicious cycle.

You're nice to say that. It's true I did I feel bad now. And then when I do bad things because I'm feeling bad that'll make me feel more bad. Vicious cycle right

[suicidalbutter]

yes, that would lead to the cycling or a spiraling where you just keep feeling worse and worse.

[ByXaz]

yes, that would lead to the cycling or a spiraling where you just keep feeling worse and worse.

*OCD moment where I have to quote someone I reply to*

Yeah. I won't be doing anymore of that. Good thing is that it's getting better the longer I stop. Slowly, but it does. Today I almost did but I asked myself if I really wanted to and after awhile I didn't want to anymore.

[suicidalbutter]

*OCD moment where I have to quote someone I reply to*

Yeah. I won't be doing anymore of that. Good thing is that it's getting better the longer I stop. Slowly, but it does. Today I almost did but I asked myself if I really wanted to and after awhile I didn't want to anymore.

I like being quoted, cause it alerts me that someone replied to me. so no problem here. but i don't like quoting others cause Idk if they like it :what:

well that's a good start, stay strong you'll get through this step by step! :)

[ByXaz]

I like being quoted, cause it alerts me that someone replied to me. so no problem here. but i don't like quoting others cause Idk if they like it :what:

well that's a good start, stay strong you'll get through this step by step! :)

I don't know if I can stop.. The feelings are so strong right now. I think I just fell down those steps :( I'm trying my hardest though

[suicidalbutter]

I don't know if I can stop.. The feelings are so strong right now. I think I just fell down those steps :( I'm trying my hardest though

It's okay to fall down those steps, just get right back up. dust yourself off and try walking right back up them. it's gonna be a long hard journey but it'll be completely worth it. you got this :)

[ByXaz]

It's okay to fall down those steps, just get right back up. dust yourself off and try walking right back up them. it's gonna be a long hard journey but it'll be completely worth it. you got this :)

I don't get how you're so nice. It really surprises me. Most people who learn of my problem aren't very nice about it. Thanks! I'm going to keep walking up them. It happens so often when I think about doing it and then I remember that I promised myself I'd try to stop. You're definitely contributing to my struggle when you don't need to and I deeply thank you for that :)

[Castle of Glass]

I don't get how you're so nice. It really surprises me. Most people who learn of my problem aren't very nice about it. Thanks! I'm going to keep walking up them. It happens so often when I think about doing it and then I remember that I promised myself I'd try to stop. You're definitely contributing to my struggle when you don't need to and I deeply thank you for that :)

well, most people here will be nice about it. any one who post anything in the cutting and self harm section is going through it/has been through it/or is considering it.

You can always post here and we will happily help you out. sorry i haven't said anything on this but i have been busy.

[suicidalbutter]

I don't get how you're so nice. It really surprises me. Most people who learn of my problem aren't very nice about it. Thanks! I'm going to keep walking up them. It happens so often when I think about doing it and then I remember that I promised myself I'd try to stop. You're definitely contributing to my struggle when you don't need to and I deeply thank you for that :)

you're so very welcome, I aim to help rather than hurt. And I know the struggles of trying to quit self harming, I don't want to see anyone else not having a way out that lasts! you'll get through this, each step of the way just keep a strong mindset on not doing it! :)