something you should know

[boognish]

this is who i am, who i am becoming, who i will stay, i wish it was different


my life is falling apart
i have too much to do
im treated as an child
but talked to like an adult
im asked to help others
but others hurt me
i can hold it all together
but i cant remeber being happy
i am happy for short periods
but it all ends in pain
i will never do somthing to hurt me
nothing to hurt others
but i cant do it alone
i need someone to stay with me
someone to love me
i met my true love at 5
lost her at 10
i'v lived a full life
im only 14
i feel as if im old
i want to just sleep and die
but im only 14 so i must continue
but i cant, i cant
i wont do somthing to hurt me
nothing to hurt others.
is there somthing wrong with me?
i live to many lives
i tell my friends one thing
my family another
my teachers another
my mom another
my dad another
my brother another
i tell them all lies,
im learning to tell the truth...
but i can only tell it to myself
i can only tell me because i dont even know the truth
i've hid so much
who am i?
who the fuck am i?
i dont know, i dont want to
but i must
i never want to be alone
i want to live with someone i love
who loves me bak
with children that love my
i cant because my peers veiw me as strange
because of my size
because of my weight
because of my brain
ppl have asked me for help
and laughed at me behind my bak
i love a gurl i dont know why
she doesnt like my i try to let her go
i cant because i dont know why i like her
she is mean sometimes
she would never treat me the way i would treat her
so i search i search
i find others i love others
i learned why and i want to forget but i cant
she looks like my old girlfriend,
my soul mate, that i lost because i was only 10
i had to move, she had to move
its not my fault.
i want someone to love me.
now i know that will save me.
i sicken my self when i lose it
i dont hurt myself
i dont hurt others
i just do somthing i regret,
say somthing to get a cheap laugh
i want to cry.
but i cant
i want to stop
i stoped crying
but i starts
rarly
i cant stop
i hate my self
i want to kill my self but i cant
because im afraid
im afraid because i was put down
my self esteme was shot
what ever will i have is gone
im to far in to get out
no way i can get out
everything i think can save me might
but i will never get what i need
what i want
why?
because i cant
i never have
i never will
my life is falling apart
i wont hurt myself
i wont hurt others
i need help.....

[Lost_and_fallen]

That was amazing, you captured alot of emotion in that and it really made me stop and think.
I hope you write more because you're a great write.

[boognish]

thank you

[boognish]

thank you

[TheWizard]

this is who i am, who i am becoming, who i will stay, i wish it was different


my life is falling apart
i have too much to do
im treated as an child
but talked to like an adult
im asked to help others
but others hurt me
i can hold it all together
but i cant remeber being happy
i am happy for short periods
but it all ends in pain
i will never do somthing to hurt me
nothing to hurt others
but i cant do it alone
i need someone to stay with me
someone to love me
i met my true love at 5
lost her at 10
i'v lived a full life
im only 14
i feel as if im old
i want to just sleep and die
but im only 14 so i must continue
but i cant, i cant
i wont do somthing to hurt me
nothing to hurt others.
is there somthing wrong with me?
i live to many lives
i tell my friends one thing
my family another
my teachers another
my mom another
my dad another
my brother another
i tell them all lies,
im learning to tell the truth...
but i can only tell it to myself
i can only tell me because i dont even know the truth
i've hid so much
who am i?
who the fuck am i?
i dont know, i dont want to
but i must
i never want to be alone
i want to live with someone i love
who loves me bak
with children that love my
i cant because my peers veiw me as strange
because of my size
because of my weight
because of my brain
ppl have asked me for help
and laughed at me behind my bak
i love a gurl i dont know why
she doesnt like my i try to let her go
i cant because i dont know why i like her
she is mean sometimes
she would never treat me the way i would treat her
so i search i search
i find others i love others
i learned why and i want to forget but i cant
she looks like my old girlfriend,
my soul mate, that i lost because i was only 10
i had to move, she had to move
its not my fault.
i want someone to love me.
now i know that will save me.
i sicken my self when i lose it
i dont hurt myself
i dont hurt others
i just do somthing i regret,
say somthing to get a cheap laugh
i want to cry.
but i cant
i want to stop
i stoped crying
but i starts
rarly
i cant stop
i hate my self
i want to kill my self but i cant
because im afraid
im afraid because i was put down
my self esteme was shot
what ever will i have is gone
im to far in to get out
no way i can get out
everything i think can save me might
but i will never get what i need
what i want
why?
because i cant
i never have
i never will
my life is falling apart
i wont hurt myself
i wont hurt others
i need help.....

You sound like you are bi-polar. If you are they have pills that can make you happy again by treating your depression and helping you deal with things better.

[boognish]

i've thought that too, but i just dont get too extreme, i just get mad sometimes, i almost look for ways to be happy, unless im mad though

[endlessnightmare]

The pills just dont magically make you happy; usually they stop the swings from mania to depression in the case of Bi-Polar.

[TheWizard]

Made me happy :roll:

[cybertribes]

Uncertainty's the thing upon which your fears are fed.
But who knows what lies on the road ahead?
& Although, at times, you may wish you were dead,
who knows what lies on the road ahead?
Remember that today is yesterdays tomorrow.
And eventhough all your yesterdays
may have been filled with sorrow
still you must sleep in your self-made bed.
And who knows - what lies - on the road ahead? - JC