What is real and what isn't???

[Gumleaf]

This will probably end up being long and sorry about that. I would just appreciate some thoughts you might have on what i'm going to say.......

For the longest time i've found it hard to make friends, both in rl and online. I'm naturally a quiet person, especially around new people. But I do have a hyper side of me that you're likely to see when I get to know you a bit. In 2009 I was found to be clinically depressed which I still have not fully got over yet, but am much improved from the 2009-2011. I also have a big heart for friends that are hurting or going through any life problems. There is nothing I love more then loving my friends and being there for them. That's just who I am and I like that.

But the problem is the negativity. My mind plays games with me, but is it really? This has happened in rl too, but i'll just concentrate on my online friends for this. What has happened a few times now over about 5 years is that I get really close to people and i'm there for them. They talk to me lots and vice versa. We help eachother with stuff, but we also talk about normal stuff and things like that. I've had this sort of friendship with a few people, mostly girls because I tend to connect better with girls. But what usually happens is that things in their life improve, their problems start to either disappear or they can deal with them much better. Then all of a sudden they don't want to talk to me anymore. That hurts.

I tear my mind around up and down, round and round trying to figure out why this keeps happening. It's happened 3 or 4 times with online friends and a couple of times with rl friends. There has to be something wrong with me as to why this keeps happening. It makes me so upset and I feel so alone. This most recently happened again at the start of this year. I was dreading it. I had gotten so close to her that I even told her about these insecurities and she promised she wouldn't be one of these people. But she was. The first couple of times I thought these were just nasty people, but it keeps on happening, it has to be me. There has to be something wrong with me. I must bore them, bother them or something. I just can't figure it out, but it makes me so upset and hurt.

The stupid thing is despite all this it doesn't stop me from getting close to people again because I just love loving friends. I just hate that they either pretend to or don't love me in that way too. :(

[LouBerry]

This will probably end up being long and sorry about that. I would just appreciate some thoughts you might have on what i'm going to say.......

For the longest time i've found it hard to make friends, both in rl and online. I'm naturally a quiet person, especially around new people. But I do have a hyper side of me that you're likely to see when I get to know you a bit. In 2009 I was found to be clinically depressed which I still have not fully got over yet, but am much improved from the 2009-2011. I also have a big heart for friends that are hurting or going through any life problems. There is nothing I love more then loving my friends and being there for them. That's just who I am and I like that.

But the problem is the negativity. My mind plays games with me, but is it really? This has happened in rl too, but i'll just concentrate on my online friends for this. What has happened a few times now over about 5 years is that I get really close to people and i'm there for them. They talk to me lots and vice versa. We help eachother with stuff, but we also talk about normal stuff and things like that. I've had this sort of friendship with a few people, mostly girls because I tend to connect better with girls. But what usually happens is that things in their life improve, their problems start to either disappear or they can deal with them much better. Then all of a sudden they don't want to talk to me anymore. That hurts.

I tear my mind around up and down, round and round trying to figure out why this keeps happening. It's happened 3 or 4 times with online friends and a couple of times with rl friends. There has to be something wrong with me as to why this keeps happening. It makes me so upset and I feel so alone. This most recently happened again at the start of this year. I was dreading it. I had gotten so close to her that I even told her about these insecurities and she promised she wouldn't be one of these people. But she was. The first couple of times I thought these were just nasty people, but it keeps on happening, it has to be me. There has to be something wrong with me. I must bore them, bother them or something. I just can't figure it out, but it makes me so upset and hurt.

The stupid thing is despite all this it doesn't stop me from getting close to people again because I just love loving friends. I just hate that they either pretend to or don't love me in that way too. :(

I haven't known you that long, but you seem like an amazing guy to me. I know what you mean about friends leaving you, and I mean, I don't know the situation, but for me, my guy friends either get a girlfriend and "dump" me, or when I won't date them, they want nothing to do with me. And my chick friends just don't care about me.

People want to feel better about themselves, and they want to have people in their lives that they can run to and be complimented and helped, but they don't care enough about those people to return the favors.

I'm guessing you are a lot like me, and that you try to help everyone and hate seeing someone you care about go through something bad. Unfortunately, good deeds never go unpunished.

[Gumleaf]

I haven't known you that long, but you seem like an amazing guy to me. I know what you mean about friends leaving you, and I mean, I don't know the situation, but for me, my guy friends either get a girlfriend and "dump" me, or when I won't date them, they want nothing to do with me. And my chick friends just don't care about me.

People want to feel better about themselves, and they want to have people in their lives that they can run to and be complimented and helped, but they don't care enough about those people to return the favors.

I'm guessing you are a lot like me, and that you try to help everyone and hate seeing someone you care about go through something bad. Unfortunately, good deeds never go unpunished.

I'm glad someone understands what I mean. Like, I don't have any resentment towards my 'friends' really. I'm honestly so happy that they have that happiness in their life now. But it just hurts when it feels like they have taken all they can from me and just leave me in a heap afterwards if that makes sense?

[LouBerry]

I'm glad someone understands what I mean. Like, I don't have any resentment towards my 'friends' really. I'm honestly so happy that they have that happiness in their life now. But it just hurts when it feels like they have taken all they can from me and just leave me in a heap afterwards if that makes sense?

Yes it does. And it sucks. But, I promise there really are people out there that do care, and don't just use you until you need them too. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here.

[Gumleaf]

Yes it does. And it sucks. But, I promise there really are people out there that do care, and don't just use you until you need them too. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here.

I'm still looking for those people. :(
I might talk sometime. I have lots to say but nobody really much to say it too.

[LouBerry]

I'm still looking for those people. :(
I might talk sometime. I have lots to say but nobody really much to say it too.

Well, you can tell me.

[uglyinsideandout]

There has to be something wrong with me as to why this keeps happening.

No there doesn't. You summed it up perfectly when you said they get better.

[1_21Guns]

This will probably end up being long and sorry about that. I would just appreciate some thoughts you might have on what i'm going to say.......

For the longest time i've found it hard to make friends, both in rl and online. I'm naturally a quiet person, especially around new people. But I do have a hyper side of me that you're likely to see when I get to know you a bit. In 2009 I was found to be clinically depressed which I still have not fully got over yet, but am much improved from the 2009-2011. I also have a big heart for friends that are hurting or going through any life problems. There is nothing I love more then loving my friends and being there for them. That's just who I am and I like that.

But the problem is the negativity. My mind plays games with me, but is it really? This has happened in rl too, but i'll just concentrate on my online friends for this. What has happened a few times now over about 5 years is that I get really close to people and i'm there for them. They talk to me lots and vice versa. We help eachother with stuff, but we also talk about normal stuff and things like that. I've had this sort of friendship with a few people, mostly girls because I tend to connect better with girls. But what usually happens is that things in their life improve, their problems start to either disappear or they can deal with them much better. Then all of a sudden they don't want to talk to me anymore. That hurts.

I tear my mind around up and down, round and round trying to figure out why this keeps happening. It's happened 3 or 4 times with online friends and a couple of times with rl friends. There has to be something wrong with me as to why this keeps happening. It makes me so upset and I feel so alone. This most recently happened again at the start of this year. I was dreading it. I had gotten so close to her that I even told her about these insecurities and she promised she wouldn't be one of these people. But she was. The first couple of times I thought these were just nasty people, but it keeps on happening, it has to be me. There has to be something wrong with me. I must bore them, bother them or something. I just can't figure it out, but it makes me so upset and hurt.

The stupid thing is despite all this it doesn't stop me from getting close to people again because I just love loving friends. I just hate that they either pretend to or don't love me in that way too. :(

Oh Stephen you silly sausage!
Anyway on a serious note, the times this has happened to me in real life you wouldn't believe, practically every close friend I've ever had has done it, I came to realise in my case it's because I'm a doormat, they come and go as they please because well, they know they can and they know I won't say anything or stomp my feet around in protest. It's sad and I know exactly how you feel honestly, there isn't anything wrong with you, there isn't anything wrong with being a caring person and wanting to look after your friends, there is however something wrong with people who do this, they think certain types of people are disposable and frankly it's horrible.
You know where I am yeah? :hug3:

[Gumleaf]

Well, you can tell me.

Thanks... Beware, my pm's can be long and depressing.


Oh Stephen you silly sausage!
Anyway on a serious note, the times this has happened to me in real life you wouldn't believe, practically every close friend I've ever had has done it, I came to realise in my case it's because I'm a doormat, they come and go as they please because well, they know they can and they know I won't say anything or stomp my feet around in protest. It's sad and I know exactly how you feel honestly, there isn't anything wrong with you, there isn't anything wrong with being a caring person and wanting to look after your friends, there is however something wrong with people who do this, they think certain types of people are disposable and frankly it's horrible.
You know where I am yeah? :hug3:

Thanks Nat. It's reassuring to know i'm not alone in this, because it def feels like it.

[1_21Guns]

Thanks Nat. It's reassuring to know i'm not alone in this, because it def feels like it.

You're not alone in this at all, chin up :hug3:

[Despot]

This happends to me also.. i see people that have problems and i step to help them, then after we open to each other about problems and like you said they resolve their problems and just dissapear. I feel so lonely after this.. this happend with 10 or more friends but im still the same person as i was before.. i just cant look someone unhappy and not to help and share stories.

Also with online friends.. i had one girl friend and she had alot problems we opened to each other and talked about problems.. we were talking on mic and were playing games.. but suddenly.. she wont speak with me that much. 3 months now im asking her to play games with me and she keep denying and saying she got other stuff to do and that she will play next day... and im still trying but it goes nowhere.

[plebble]

This will probably end up being long and sorry about that. I would just appreciate some thoughts you might have on what i'm going to say.......

For the longest time i've found it hard to make friends, both in rl and online. I'm naturally a quiet person, especially around new people. But I do have a hyper side of me that you're likely to see when I get to know you a bit. In 2009 I was found to be clinically depressed which I still have not fully got over yet, but am much improved from the 2009-2011. I also have a big heart for friends that are hurting or going through any life problems. There is nothing I love more then loving my friends and being there for them. That's just who I am and I like that.

But the problem is the negativity. My mind plays games with me, but is it really? This has happened in rl too, but i'll just concentrate on my online friends for this. What has happened a few times now over about 5 years is that I get really close to people and i'm there for them. They talk to me lots and vice versa. We help eachother with stuff, but we also talk about normal stuff and things like that. I've had this sort of friendship with a few people, mostly girls because I tend to connect better with girls. But what usually happens is that things in their life improve, their problems start to either disappear or they can deal with them much better. Then all of a sudden they don't want to talk to me anymore. That hurts.

I tear my mind around up and down, round and round trying to figure out why this keeps happening. It's happened 3 or 4 times with online friends and a couple of times with rl friends. There has to be something wrong with me as to why this keeps happening. It makes me so upset and I feel so alone. This most recently happened again at the start of this year. I was dreading it. I had gotten so close to her that I even told her about these insecurities and she promised she wouldn't be one of these people. But she was. The first couple of times I thought these were just nasty people, but it keeps on happening, it has to be me. There has to be something wrong with me. I must bore them, bother them or something. I just can't figure it out, but it makes me so upset and hurt.

The stupid thing is despite all this it doesn't stop me from getting close to people again because I just love loving friends. I just hate that they either pretend to or don't love me in that way too. :(

I think I know how you feel. I get attached to people quite easily because I find it very hard to make friends. I'm a perfectly nice person and in theory should have lots of friends, but I'm socially awkward in real life and it just annoys me that I get nervous every time I talk to someone.

My only few friends are ones that I've met on the internet, I am that desperate for friends that I look on twitter or on this forum for people to talk to.

I had my heart broken by a girl on Monday, she was my girlfriend for at least 2 months and she broke up with me because she didn't like me or my personality anymore. Then before I know it she has a new boyfriend the next day. This crushed me, but I'm trying my best to move on by distracting myself as much as I can from her. I feel like I can't trust anyone again.

[Gumleaf]

I think I know how you feel. I get attached to people quite easily because I find it very hard to make friends. I'm a perfectly nice person and in theory should have lots of friends, but I'm socially awkward in real life and it just annoys me that I get nervous every time I talk to someone.

My only few friends are ones that I've met on the internet, I am that desperate for friends that I look on twitter or on this forum for people to talk to.

I had my heart broken by a girl on Monday, she was my girlfriend for at least 2 months and she broke up with me because she didn't like me or my personality anymore. Then before I know it she has a new boyfriend the next day. This crushed me, but I'm trying my best to move on by distracting myself as much as I can from her. I feel like I can't trust anyone again.

That's not good. :(

I'm still not dealing with this well at all. Feeling like my life is like the life of a doormat today.