i keep posting these...

[ezekialar]

...about pretty much the same thing. i experience many highs and lows triggered about pretty much anything, but it helps to get it out there. its hard to talk to my family about this stuff because im usually the normal one without the problems and if i do have problems at all i just push thru them like they're no big deal. but i cant do it with being sad all the time. it just drives me down too much to just keep going. im afraid of myself and my thoughts more then half of the time. my next meeting with my counselor is on tuesday. ive been seeing him for about 3 months and im always excited to go.

i get good grades, have a girl that finally likes me that ive liked for about a year now, and it seems like i have no reason to be sad...yet here i am. time after time writing the same exact bulletin as the last one. so idk...i want to be on top of the world like i used to be, i dont wanna be scared and feel nautious and sick to my stomach all the time.

[byee]

Hmmm.......masquerading as a happy guy does take its toll. It's really great you have someone (your therapist) who you can be yourself with. There's real comfort in feeling safe enough to just be yourself, and have someone accept that. Maybe you guys can address why you cannot do that with your family.

You know, really bright, aware people have a tendency to focus on the negatives. I think that's how they (we?) get ahead, by being able to acknowledge what needs improvement. But, it's also important to keep things in perspective, in balance. In your case, you're doing well in school, you have (a very lucky!) girl, and at least one adult in your life you trust and enjoy (the therapist). Satisfaction is the building block of success and happiness, even if it comes from alternate sources that we don't expect. Maybe things will soon make a turn for the better.

Anytime you need to touch bases, we're here. Even if it feels like you're saying the same stuff, we'll listen.