Problem

[SamWam]

Ok here goes

I'm 14 and I've known I'm gay for years but it's never really bothered me. But, recently, I've started really really liking a boy (let's call him... John). I got to know him and now we're quite good friends but then people started finding out I'm gay (don't ask how its a long story its not relevant lol). At first, it didn't bother him (I don't think) but now I think he might be avoiding me.

So my problems are :
1) I think he might not like me (I think he knows I like him)
2) He's not gay and I really really fancy him
3) I'm annoyed that I can never go out with anyone because no one i know is gay (and I'm not gonna go out with anyone for the sake of it but just for future reference whenever I like someone, I can never go out with them)

Any thoughts?

Thanks guys

[Patchy]

Well your only 14 so you may not be certainly gay, because your thoughts and feelings change during puberty. I would recommend not telling him because he may completely avoid you then.

[MoveAlong]

Well your only 14 so you may not be certainly gay, because your thoughts and feelings change during puberty.

I don't think that matters, but he's not asking whether he's gay, because he says he's known for years, so he's probably right. That's how I am, and if someone's known for years, they might find out that they're bi, but they won't stop liking guys :P

Well I understand a lot SamWam. But what I don't understand is your question

As a gay guy (:P), I have a lot of crushes on straight guys. They don't know cause I'm not out. But the truth is that we can't have guys that are straight. The only thing you can do is like them and think they're damn nice or cute or hot. But as far as taking it anywhere, there's nothing you can do.

And yes he probably will avoid you. If he treats you badly, then it was a stupid crush to begin with and you look back on it scornfully. I know that from experience. So just brush it off. Crushes are like this. Gay or straight.

as far as never going out with anybody, maybe not in high school. But when you're an adult, or if you decide to go to college, then it'll be so much easier. I know that I can't go out with anybody either. Never had a kiss, and people are like "fuck, really!?" but no. So I'm inexperienced. It's just something to deal with, and it'll only get easier once you get more changes.

[Patchy]

I don't think that matters, but he's not asking whether he's gay, because he says he's known for years, so he's probably right. That's how I am, and if someone's known for years, they might find out that they're bi, but they won't stop liking guys :P

Well I understand a lot SamWam. But what I don't understand is your question

As a gay guy (:P), I have a lot of crushes on straight guys. They don't know cause I'm not out. But the truth is that we can't have guys that are straight. The only thing you can do is like them and think they're damn nice or cute or hot. But as far as taking it anywhere, there's nothing you can do.

And yes he probably will avoid you. If he treats you badly, then it was a stupid crush to begin with and you look back on it scornfully. I know that from experience. So just brush it off. Crushes are like this. Gay or straight.

Yeah good point

If you really feel for him though and you feel you cant hide it anymore perhaps speak to another friend that would understand or even a brother or sister if you have one.

[SamWam]

Thanks that's good advice. But in relation to what Patchy said, I'm not going to talk to any friends about it cos they would only go and tell him. And the thing is I've had crushes before but this is different every waking moment is thinking about him and its eating me up inside cos i want him soo badly.

Edit - The only person I can trust is him so that kinda sucks lol

[Patchy]

Thanks that's good advice. But in relation to what Patchy said, I'm not going to talk to any friends about it cos they would only go and tell him. And the thing is I've had crushes before but this is different every waking moment is thinking about him and its eating me up inside cos i want him soo badly.

Ah ok fair enough if they would go and tell him thats not good

[byee]

The complication here is that he knows you're gay, and as a straight guy that's something that might get in the way for him. He might not be able to get over it. 14's are not a terribly open minded lot about these things, unfortunately.

This issue comes up frequently here, and my own reaction to it is consistent. There's more to you (or anybody, for that matter) than their sexuality. There's more to a friendship than sex, even if you're crazy mad for someone (of either gender, too, for that matter, this isnt just a gay issue).

If you can connect with him on that level, the platonic, non sexual level, the many parts of you (and him) that are NOT sexual, then there's a chance that you can have a nice time with him. Maybe not as 'nice' as you'd like, but better than nothing (again, this isn't a gay issue, sraight people often have to make compromises).

Be with him in a 'regular' (non sexual way), try connecting with him around activities, interests, etc., that are NOT sexual or sexually charged. Do something different with that stuff, privately. Work on making the connection with him (and others) regadless of sexuality issues.

[SamWam]

Lol k ty guys :D


Added 17/1 (soz for repost) - Ok I told one person who i really really really trust with my life and stuff and i knew he wouldnt tell anyone - except he did and that person is spreading it... basically I'm concerned that the goss will spread around and he will break up with his girlfriend cos she would get freaked out :S.

How can I denounce the rumours ?

[Axellance]

you can just deny the rumor rumors spread and get changed so much it is never reliable si just clain its a lie