My Dad.

[Patchy]

I never thought I would be posting this but here I am.

I don't know if I told anyone on the forum that my parents are divorced this is what my problem is:

I've never really been close to my dad, me my mum and my sister all moved out when I was 7 and for about 4 years I saw him every sunday for the whole day. By the time I was 11 or 12 I was starting to get busy with snowboarding comps and stuff and I never managed to see my dad as much. in 2006 I had a massive fight with him, and hardly saw him and when he wanted to see me I didnt want to see him. it lasted for about a year and last year, he had a heart attack and almost died, when I found out I cried for days because the doctors thought he might have another one, he recovered and my sister (whos older than me) said I have to start seeing him more because its now getting to the stage where I have to because if he had another major heart attack, it could kill him.

At the moment he is constantly ill and because I live about 3 hours out of town from him, he cant come in and see me. I realised that I love him and dont want to see him upset because I hated him for ages.

I keep on having dreams that hes dies the day I start doing my exams and I fail them all and when I wake up I just cry. Its not like me to be so down just its almost like he might just drop dead at any point and I'll never speak to him again.

Is there anything I can do to make me feel any better because I dont want to be all upset when I see him next sunday.

thanks guys, Im just really down about this at the moment.

[byee]

Sorry to hear all this, Patrick. Let me try to help.

First, I personally don't believe that it's possible to 'hate' a person. I think it's probably the things that person has done, and how thats affected you that creates the bad feelings. We associate events and feeling to people, and it's easy in the confusion (and overwhelm) to attribute them to that person in their entirety. But, it's probably the stuff that's happened that's the culprit.

So, whatever it is that's gone on 'with your dad' is probably still lingering for you, sounds like it hasn't really been resolved. Time alone doesn't always provide resolution for these things.

Now, with his potentially life threatening condition, there's this new complication. All that 'stuff' between you is probably still there, but you feel a sense of urgency (maybe out of guilt or obligation) to try to improve things. This is a good thing, life sometimes takes the luxury of doing nothing away from us.

I think one possible solution would be to see his heart condition as an opportunity to discuss and resolve whatever it is that's gotten in the way. Not only are you more urgently aware of the potentially terminal nature of things, but so is he. Nothing cuts thru years of emotional crap like the reality of life. I bet he's reevaluating whatever's gone on, too.

When you see him, consider starting a dialogue (or maybe, prepare yourself for the posiibility that he'll start). It's never too late to address 'stuff', and sometimes it takes something potentially tragic to jump start that.

Good luck, and let me know how you make out.

[Hyper]

I don't know why you and your dad got in a fight but..

The thing is its better to have no dad than a crappy dad but whats much worse than having a crappy dad is having a good dad and being in a crappy relationship with him over something stupid..

Whatever it was you should just go see him. Just be with your father if he means alot to you then be with him as much as you can and talk to him.

[Patchy]

Sorry to hear all this, Patrick. Let me try to help.

First, I personally don't believe that it's possible to 'hate' a person. I think it's probably the things that person has done, and how thats affected you that creates the bad feelings. We associate events and feeling to people, and it's easy in the confusion (and overwhelm) to attribute them to that person in their entirety. But, it's probably the stuff that's happened that's the culprit.

So, whatever it is that's gone on 'with your dad' is probably still lingering for you, sounds like it hasn't really been resolved. Time alone doesn't always provide resolution for these things.

Now, with his potentially life threatening condition, there's this new complication. All that 'stuff' between you is probably still there, but you feel a sense of urgency (maybe out of guilt or obligation) to try to improve things. This is a good thing, life sometimes takes the luxury of doing nothing away from us.

I think one possible solution would be to see his heart condition as an opportunity to discuss and resolve whatever it is that's gotten in the way. Not only are you more urgently aware of the potentially terminal nature of things, but so is he. Nothing cuts thru years of emotional crap like the reality of life. I bet he's reevaluating whatever's gone on, too.

When you see him, consider starting a dialogue (or maybe, prepare yourself for the posiibility that he'll start). It's never too late to address 'stuff', and sometimes it takes something potentially tragic to jump start that.

Good luck, and let me know how you make out.
Wow, thanks for that thats really put alot into perspective for me and I'll let you know how things go.
I don't know why you and your dad got in a fight but..

The thing is its better to have no dad than a crappy dad but whats much worse than having a crappy dad is having a good dad and being in a crappy relationship with him over something stupid..

Whatever it was you should just go see him. Just be with your father if he means alot to you then be with him as much as you can and talk to him.

Its not really hes a crappy dad its just I couldnt see him and he got all angry. but yeah thanks for the advice :)

[Sugaree]

Go see him. I'm sure he will be grateful if you do.

[Patchy]

Go see him. I'm sure he will be grateful if you do.

Yeah I'm seeing him on sunday so I'll get a chance to speak to him face to face alone.

[monkshood]

Yeah I'm seeing him on sunday so I'll get a chance to speak to him face to face alone.

Good luck, wish it all goes well and that you guys solve most, or all your stuff

[Patchy]

Hey all:

well I forgot to post what happened on sunday night so I'll post it now:

Well it went really well, we got our issues sorted out and he's going to be seeing me twice a week now which means I will have more time to spend with him.

I'm so glad it all worked out in the end and thanks to everyone who posted.