I can't take life anymore

[Obsidian]

I don't expect any help from posting this because nothing can help me anymore. I'm so depressed I can't take it. I'm so tired of laying awake at night crying for hours because I'm so miserable. I'm so tired of acting like I'm okay and not telling anybody I just want to be dead because I hate my life so much. I'm tired of having a mental illness. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of everything.

I just had the only guy I've ever been in love with message me and ask me to hook up with him even though he broke up with me. He basically said he was never in love with me. Even though he always said he was. I've been having sex with a fucking 30 year old because I hate myself so much.

I am so messed up and there's nothing I can do to get better. I'll never be okay again. I can't handle this. I can't stop crying. I actually want to cut myself and I haven't done that in over two years.

I don't wanna be alive anymore, I really don't. I can't take this anymore. I can't take another night of not sleeping and crying all night. Idk what to do. I just want it to stop. I really can't handle this anymore, it's way too much to bear.

My family hates me. I only have one friend. I am worthless to everybody. Nobody would care if I was gone. I'm too scared to kill myself right now but I honestly don't see myself living even another year. It's all too much. I just wanna be done with it all. My life is a nightmare and I just want it to be over :'(

[uglyinsideandout]

I don't know about all the things you feel but I know about hating myself and not knowing what to do about it. Nothing ever works out like it's supposed to and I just feel broken all the time. I starve myself and cut daily, and I'm just barely hanging on. I don't think I probably helped but just thought you should know there are others that cry themselves to sleep every night too.

[Mynick]

I'm sorry for hear that sweetie. I know how depression can be a bitch and everything seems to want to screw you. You did the right thing coming here, it's much better talking to smeone than having all inside of you.
Your ex is a scumbag, thats the worst thing he could do. Im really sorry that happened to you. But being with a 30 years old really help?
When i can't fall asleep or when i awake up in the middle of the night crying and feeling like shit i just read. It may sound stupid but your eyes get really heavy and it's much easier to fall asleep again. Besides, i preffer that than drink.
I used to cut myself too, i dont do it anymore 'cause summer is here, but 2 years is a AMAZING mark. I wish i could do that. I know it tempting but dont it please. You dont need it.
Well my point here is, it gets better, not right away, but it gets. Stay strong, PM me if you need to talk.