Jessiibear
August 5th, 2013, 08:43 PM
I'm trying to like stay strong and all that, but I cry too much and I'm always feeling sick. Some people keep telling me that I think my problems are worse than everyone else's (which is NOT true--and I never even said or implied that.) They keep reminding me of how much of a screw-up I am and telling me that I'm self-absorbed. But all I am is upset. Which makes me seem like it. I'm just going through a lot, but people keep telling me that my problems aren't real problems and I brought them all onto myself. My dad becoming an alcoholic. Me getting "raped". Guys sexually harassing me. My mum having ever-present financial problems and stress. Guys using, black-mailing and manipulating me. My dad disowning me and people bullying me as kid. Me being shy and having anxiety. Me still being a single virgin. All of it, they say, I brought onto myself. So I feel bad when I cry. I start hating myself for doing it. I'm such a cry baby. Attention-seeker.
I'm trying to hold my head up, I swear. But I'm all alone. I feel alone. Unwittingly friendless. I drift through each day like a ghost. A bland little fuck-up. I hate me. I hate life. I want to die, not just to get rid of the pain. But 'cause I hate life itself. I don't fit. I don't know why I even had to be made. I'm a total waste. Nobody likes me, I feel. It doesn't even matter, though. Just waiting to die. I need fuckin' help. Before I lose it and try to kill myself again. And succeed.
I'm trying to hold my head up, I swear. But I'm all alone. I feel alone. Unwittingly friendless. I drift through each day like a ghost. A bland little fuck-up. I hate me. I hate life. I want to die, not just to get rid of the pain. But 'cause I hate life itself. I don't fit. I don't know why I even had to be made. I'm a total waste. Nobody likes me, I feel. It doesn't even matter, though. Just waiting to die. I need fuckin' help. Before I lose it and try to kill myself again. And succeed.