WrthPanda
August 5th, 2013, 05:42 PM
Hi, I know all this information may be way too much for someone, but still I really hope someone out there got the time to read all this, and give me some proper answer or advice to my problem, I would be so thankful. To make my questions more clear, or somewhat understandable, I will have to start to tell my story about this friend of mine.
You see me and my best friend, we're both dudes by the way, has always been pretty close, but lately I feel much more awkward around him, for obvious reasons. It all started five years ago, when we were both 15, we are now 20. He was spending the night over at my house, and like we always did, we shared my bed (I have a king size bed, more enough for two people). That night (5 years ago) I did not fall asleep right away, but instead lied there awake, looking at the ceiling. I can remember that we both moved closer and close to each other through the night, and before I knew it we were both jacking each other off (please, no offense). I was awake the whole time, but he seem to be asleep (his eyes was atleast closed the whole time, even though I can't understand how it's even impossible to jack your friend off while in your sleep). I still to this day do not know if he was asleep or fake sleeping, since none of us have ever talked about this little episode, and now five years later I think it's too late to even mention it, but maybe I am just scared of losing him. Even though we were still as good friends after this episode, we stopped to have our sleepovers, my friends reason for that?; "we were too old for sleepovers", he said.
When we turned 17 we had a major fight, and it was ended by his mother which called me by phone, to tell me that he (my best friend) did not want to be around me anymore, and that I had to keep myself away from him completely. At first I did not understand what she meant, so me and his mother had a long talk afterwards, were she convinced me that I would make my best friend much more happier if I just stopped to "nag" him, and keep myself away from him. (yes, that was her words, she meant her son was tired of us being so close friends). I did not know if my best friend had told his mother about our sleepover two years ago, so out of both; fear, and in respect to my best friend's wish, wanting him to be happy (even if it meant to lose him) I started to shutting him out. it was eating on me every day, but I pulled somewhat through, and got a "new best friend, which actually was a girl. After 14 whole mount (with no connect what so ever with my old best friend) we slowly begun talk again. Mostly because I was invited to his 18th birthday, and that he got a car (half year before me). We both went to the same school and m was in the same class, so I begun to ask him if he could drive me. I knew it was lame, but I used his car as a bad excuse to get closer to him again, and to my luck he said yes, but nothing more. We took just small baby steps at first, but after a two month or so; we were good friends again (finally), and soon afterwards we begun to take regular walks together; every single day, talking about almost everything. We slowly become closer then we had been before (if possible). We would talk with each other through the computer every single day, walk together every single day, and when we were watching movies we were sitting really close, not minding at all to brush against each other.
Of course it was all too good to last, and we got in a new fight half year before I turned twenty. This time however he gave me an ultimate; he told me that if this fight as well would result in me ignoring him again for what he called; "no reason at all", he would never forgive me. At first I was confused, so I told him that I had only done what I though he wanted, to stop nagging him, and done just what he had asked his mother to tell me. It appeared that it all had been a set up from his mother, and he swore to me that he did not have a clue that his mother was the reason for me ignoring him for a whole year.
So here comes the tricky part, the last half year we have still been best friends, but still feel he is a little distant at times. Sometimes he will meet my eyes, and I am certain that we than hold the gaze much longer than what seem to be normal for two guys, but other times he won't meet my eyes at all. He is also afraid of coming closer to me now, if we sit next to each other he would always jump away if I come too close, like I burned him, something he did not do before. And our regular walks has reduced dramatically as well. He has always been very homophobic, but the last time I mention it (one week ago) he told me for the first time that he did not have anything against gays anymore, which I actually do not get when he always used to bash them before....
I do have some other friends which I also are close to (but not as close as him), and he usually tease me about this girl, which was my best friend while we were fighting. Her birthday was today, so I wrote a rather joyful message on her facebook wall. My best friend do of course know that we are both just friends, but after I wrote on her wall today he won't answer my calls, and all I got was a snapchat some hours later, which he had took a rather miserable picture of himself, and I can honest say it is really rare to see him so unhappy. I told him to cheer up a little, but got no response. I know he might just had a hard day, and I might just image things, but still I think it's wierd that he is so up and down.
The crush I got on him, five years ago have not gone away over the years, but only grown stronger, but still I am scared. He gives me mixed signals all the time, and I can't just ask him. Because both are parents are very religious, and I know that both my mom and his mom hates gay people more than anything, really, since I have often heard them both talk about how wrong it is to be gay, and hell, and all of that stuff. I know that if my parents knew I was bi I would be abounded, and if it is so that my best friend isn't straight as well? (I do not know of course, that's the problem), but I know it would unlikely be approached good by his family as well if he ever turned bi or gay.
So can someone please help me out?
Why is he so mixed with me?
Do you think he is gay or not?
I mean, we are or were very close, but I am not sure anymore. Why is he so afraid of being touched all of a sudden. None of us have ever had a girlfriend, and I never heard him say anything positive about a girl. I just can't figure him out, since one day he close, and another day he seem more distant than ever. So please help me out, I am desperate, and do not know what all this means. Thanks for your time, and all help are really really appreciated.
(Sorry if my grammar contain errors, my first language isn't English.)
You see me and my best friend, we're both dudes by the way, has always been pretty close, but lately I feel much more awkward around him, for obvious reasons. It all started five years ago, when we were both 15, we are now 20. He was spending the night over at my house, and like we always did, we shared my bed (I have a king size bed, more enough for two people). That night (5 years ago) I did not fall asleep right away, but instead lied there awake, looking at the ceiling. I can remember that we both moved closer and close to each other through the night, and before I knew it we were both jacking each other off (please, no offense). I was awake the whole time, but he seem to be asleep (his eyes was atleast closed the whole time, even though I can't understand how it's even impossible to jack your friend off while in your sleep). I still to this day do not know if he was asleep or fake sleeping, since none of us have ever talked about this little episode, and now five years later I think it's too late to even mention it, but maybe I am just scared of losing him. Even though we were still as good friends after this episode, we stopped to have our sleepovers, my friends reason for that?; "we were too old for sleepovers", he said.
When we turned 17 we had a major fight, and it was ended by his mother which called me by phone, to tell me that he (my best friend) did not want to be around me anymore, and that I had to keep myself away from him completely. At first I did not understand what she meant, so me and his mother had a long talk afterwards, were she convinced me that I would make my best friend much more happier if I just stopped to "nag" him, and keep myself away from him. (yes, that was her words, she meant her son was tired of us being so close friends). I did not know if my best friend had told his mother about our sleepover two years ago, so out of both; fear, and in respect to my best friend's wish, wanting him to be happy (even if it meant to lose him) I started to shutting him out. it was eating on me every day, but I pulled somewhat through, and got a "new best friend, which actually was a girl. After 14 whole mount (with no connect what so ever with my old best friend) we slowly begun talk again. Mostly because I was invited to his 18th birthday, and that he got a car (half year before me). We both went to the same school and m was in the same class, so I begun to ask him if he could drive me. I knew it was lame, but I used his car as a bad excuse to get closer to him again, and to my luck he said yes, but nothing more. We took just small baby steps at first, but after a two month or so; we were good friends again (finally), and soon afterwards we begun to take regular walks together; every single day, talking about almost everything. We slowly become closer then we had been before (if possible). We would talk with each other through the computer every single day, walk together every single day, and when we were watching movies we were sitting really close, not minding at all to brush against each other.
Of course it was all too good to last, and we got in a new fight half year before I turned twenty. This time however he gave me an ultimate; he told me that if this fight as well would result in me ignoring him again for what he called; "no reason at all", he would never forgive me. At first I was confused, so I told him that I had only done what I though he wanted, to stop nagging him, and done just what he had asked his mother to tell me. It appeared that it all had been a set up from his mother, and he swore to me that he did not have a clue that his mother was the reason for me ignoring him for a whole year.
So here comes the tricky part, the last half year we have still been best friends, but still feel he is a little distant at times. Sometimes he will meet my eyes, and I am certain that we than hold the gaze much longer than what seem to be normal for two guys, but other times he won't meet my eyes at all. He is also afraid of coming closer to me now, if we sit next to each other he would always jump away if I come too close, like I burned him, something he did not do before. And our regular walks has reduced dramatically as well. He has always been very homophobic, but the last time I mention it (one week ago) he told me for the first time that he did not have anything against gays anymore, which I actually do not get when he always used to bash them before....
I do have some other friends which I also are close to (but not as close as him), and he usually tease me about this girl, which was my best friend while we were fighting. Her birthday was today, so I wrote a rather joyful message on her facebook wall. My best friend do of course know that we are both just friends, but after I wrote on her wall today he won't answer my calls, and all I got was a snapchat some hours later, which he had took a rather miserable picture of himself, and I can honest say it is really rare to see him so unhappy. I told him to cheer up a little, but got no response. I know he might just had a hard day, and I might just image things, but still I think it's wierd that he is so up and down.
The crush I got on him, five years ago have not gone away over the years, but only grown stronger, but still I am scared. He gives me mixed signals all the time, and I can't just ask him. Because both are parents are very religious, and I know that both my mom and his mom hates gay people more than anything, really, since I have often heard them both talk about how wrong it is to be gay, and hell, and all of that stuff. I know that if my parents knew I was bi I would be abounded, and if it is so that my best friend isn't straight as well? (I do not know of course, that's the problem), but I know it would unlikely be approached good by his family as well if he ever turned bi or gay.
So can someone please help me out?
Why is he so mixed with me?
Do you think he is gay or not?
I mean, we are or were very close, but I am not sure anymore. Why is he so afraid of being touched all of a sudden. None of us have ever had a girlfriend, and I never heard him say anything positive about a girl. I just can't figure him out, since one day he close, and another day he seem more distant than ever. So please help me out, I am desperate, and do not know what all this means. Thanks for your time, and all help are really really appreciated.
(Sorry if my grammar contain errors, my first language isn't English.)