Words

[Origami]

Next one will be happy, I promise. Maybe.



Words—they always seem to betray,
My trust when the only power I can must'
Isn't even at times enough to say,

"I love you."

I couldn't beg, I couldn't plead,
I couldn't seize my heart's only need.
I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry,
The words simply wouldn't comply.

I stuttered and sobbed in silent replies
Echoed only by the tears escaping my eyes.
Now the remnants of us rest alongside
All of my unspoken words left held inside.

Words—they never will relay
My true feelings left unsaid to you.
This, all I can manage to say,

"I miss you."

I couldn't beg though things grew dire,
I couldn't seize my heart's one desire.
I couldn't scream. No matter how I tried
The words simply never complied.

I mumbled and sobbed in broken reply
Begging deafly to end this foolish good-bye.
Now the ghost of the us left diminished
Screams the song of words I left unfinished.

Words—they always seem to betray,
My trust when the only power I can must'
Is barely even enough to beg,

"Please stay."

[Maverick]

omg nice poem

(+1)

[Gandalf]

I must admit I was skeptical as I was reading. I'm not really a fan of too much repetition when it isn't for emphasis, but the narrator's inability to express themself properly to their lover is further mirrored by the lack of response and that makes it work.

I like the re-occuring theme of death which ties together consistently with the ghosts and then the remnants. This seems metaphorical of the dying relationship the characters are experiencing.

I wasn't sure of what to make of the "I love you" and "I miss you" "Please Stay" quotes but I feel this adds a sense of humility, the simpleness is something most people will relate to on either a platonic or romantic level. Summing up the emotions and intentions of the narrator without the need for any over-the top drivel some poets feel the need to include.

I forgot to say well done, and your choice of synonyms is impressive.

[conniption]

Incredible! I'm jealous

[Origami]

omg nice poem

(+1)

El +1'in.

I must admit I was skeptical as I was reading. I'm not really a fan of too much repetition when it isn't for emphasis, but the narrator's inability to express themself properly to their lover is further mirrored by the lack of response and that makes it work.

I like the re-occuring theme of death which ties together consistently with the ghosts and then the remnants. This seems metaphorical of the dying relationship the characters are experiencing.

I wasn't sure of what to make of the "I love you" and "I miss you" "Please Stay" quotes but I feel this adds a sense of humility, the simpleness is something most people will relate to on either a platonic or romantic level. Summing up the emotions and intentions of the narrator without the need for any over-the top drivel some poets feel the need to include.

I forgot to say well done, and your choice of synonyms is impressive.

Thanks Ben. I was skeptical of using repetition as well at first but it quickly became the easiest way (I'm a cheat) to make it keep pace how I want and simultaneously portray the feelings and ideas I wanted it to.

Incredible! I'm jealous

+1