meh...

[hung drummer guy]

I don't see a reason for life anymore. I used to. "be prosperous and fruitful." Help others and be a ray of sunshine on earth. Fantastic. Now that I'm just a walking, smiling shoulder (to cry/laugh on) who do I go to for advice or help?

I have struggled with depression for years now, 7 or 8 years now, and I was first diagnosed after my parents divorce. Since then, I've helped people, I've hurt people, I've lied, cheated, and stolen. I've lived, laughed, and loved. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't know what's left to do, and I don't really care what happens anymore.

My mom sits at home when she's not working, shopping, or at the bar, and just lets life slip off her shoulders. My dad disowned me because I'm gay, and hasn't spoken to me in a long time. My sister is morbidly obese (14, and almost 200lbs!) is a lying, thieving, and arrogant little snob. I basically fend for myself, unless mom asks if I need anything from the store, which typically I just say deodorant and a milky way.

I have three friends, all older than me, all assholes who like to fight about everything, and put me in the middle, then complain about my answer etc...
Basically they don't know how to just let be. but I don't get involved I just sit by and let them argue, I hate conflict.

school's a bust. I don't really try because I already know everything they want to teach me, I ace quizzes and exams, but not a lot of outside work, so people accuse me of being an unintelligent cheater.

I've been single for years. the one that got away did just that.. I kept trying and looking, but I eventually just stopped caring. Could be because I live in a small farm town, where diesel trucks and rebel flags paint every fcking street...

I'm stuck working at mcdonalds, because its all that's here in town, and I can't drive to work anywhere else. On top of that, almost none of the managers are professional, and being in this small town, I feel like my employments gonna end soon...

Music has been my only friend in my life. its never failed me, its never turned on me, its never not been there for me. I can play several instruments, including drums, percussion, guitar, bass, piano, and harmonic. I was in my school's marching band until this past year, when the director started getting a big head and started making music NOT fun.

I don't like doctors, or offices, or hospitals.. nothing like that. I flip. I close up. I don't talk. I don't trust people like that. that get paid to sit there and judge and "evaluate" you and your mental health.

I've been off Seroquel and Xanax for years, and with that has come emotional backlash, anxiety, and uncontrollable manic depression. in the past I've used marijuana to help with that, and it does, at least for me. But I had to stop that because its illegal and frowned upon. (though drunken teenage bonfires can be posted on facebook...)

For people who say "just follow the music," bullshit. the music industry is fucked. Nothing in todays music needs talent anymore. just a lot of lights, makeup, electronics, and bass. America. Got. Retarded. (I'm sorry, music is the one subject I get cynical about)

All in all, im just kinda fed up with everything right now, it's a lot to juggle on a daily basis, but that fact that I CAN, shows I can push on, I just kinda needed to rant and actually talk to people, which honestly, I never run into anyone who wants ME to talk to THEM. Its typically the other way around.

[1_21Guns]

I don't see a reason for life anymore. I used to. "be prosperous and fruitful." Help others and be a ray of sunshine on earth. Fantastic. Now that I'm just a walking, smiling shoulder (to cry/laugh on) who do I go to for advice or help?
I know the feeling honestly, this pretty much happened to me a few years back so I really do know how you feel, it sucks and eventually I ran out of things to say to people and yeah, not great

I have struggled with depression for years now, 7 or 8 years now, and I was first diagnosed after my parents divorce. Since then, I've helped people, I've hurt people, I've lied, cheated, and stolen. I've lived, laughed, and loved. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't know what's left to do, and I don't really care what happens anymore.
You've lived, and that's all you need to carry on doing, live, find something you enjoy, try something new

My mom sits at home when she's not working, shopping, or at the bar, and just lets life slip off her shoulders. My dad disowned me because I'm gay, and hasn't spoken to me in a long time. My sister is morbidly obese (14, and almost 200lbs!) is a lying, thieving, and arrogant little snob. I basically fend for myself, unless mom asks if I need anything from the store, which typically I just say deodorant and a milky way.

I have three friends, all older than me, all assholes who like to fight about everything, and put me in the middle, then complain about my answer etc...
Basically they don't know how to just let be. but I don't get involved I just sit by and let them argue, I hate conflict.
Sounds like you need to see if you can find some new friends, easier said than done I know, it's good that you stay out of it though it's a lot better to not get involved in things

school's a bust. I don't really try because I already know everything they want to teach me, I ace quizzes and exams, but not a lot of outside work, so people accuse me of being an unintelligent cheater.
Some people are just like that, better at exams and things but not so much at other things, it's far from unusual in my opinion, what is it about other work that you struggle with compared?

I've been single for years. the one that got away did just that.. I kept trying and looking, but I eventually just stopped caring. Could be because I live in a small farm town, where diesel trucks and rebel flags paint every fcking street...

I'm stuck working at mcdonalds, because its all that's here in town, and I can't drive to work anywhere else. On top of that, almost none of the managers are professional, and being in this small town, I feel like my employments gonna end soon...

Being single isn't that much of a big deal, at all, you'll find someone when the time is right and maybe but a job is a job, even if it's a sucky job at least it's money :p but if you're really unhappy there you shouldn't stick around anyway

Music has been my only friend in my life. its never failed me, its never turned on me, its never not been there for me. I can play several instruments, including drums, percussion, guitar, bass, piano, and harmonic. I was in my school's marching band until this past year, when the director started getting a big head and started making music NOT fun.
It's good that you have something creative to express yourself with, I'm assuming this helps you a lot?

I don't like doctors, or offices, or hospitals.. nothing like that. I flip. I close up. I don't talk. I don't trust people like that. that get paid to sit there and judge and "evaluate" you and your mental health.
I'm the same, I can't stand so much as the smell of hospitals, and I just feel like doctors don't know what they're talking about when it comes to mental health things because to me every case is different and all they do is put them in boxes, it's frustrating, but they got a medical degree somehow, and I guess they know more than us

I've been off Seroquel and Xanax for years, and with that has come emotional backlash, anxiety, and uncontrollable manic depression. in the past I've used marijuana to help with that, and it does, at least for me. But I had to stop that because its illegal and frowned upon. (though drunken teenage bonfires can be posted on facebook...)

For people who say "just follow the music," bullshit. the music industry is fucked. Nothing in todays music needs talent anymore. just a lot of lights, makeup, electronics, and bass. America. Got. Retarded. (I'm sorry, music is the one subject I get cynical about)
the music industry is indeed a very stupid place unfortunately, but maybe just play music because you enjoy playing music, do you need any other reason than that?

All in all, im just kinda fed up with everything right now, it's a lot to juggle on a daily basis, but that fact that I CAN, shows I can push on, I just kinda needed to rant and actually talk to people, which honestly, I never run into anyone who wants ME to talk to THEM. Its typically the other way around.
If you ever need to have a rant just post on here or drop me a message, you're strong enough to push on :)