Confidence

[Synyster Shadows]

I think this belongs here but mods, feel free to move it if it doesn't.

Ok, here goes. So as some may remember, if you've ever looked at my early threads (wow it feels like a long time since I joined :P), you'll know that I have trouble asking girls out. Now, it feels like that's getting worse. I was texting my friend last night and we were talking about how we're both single. I'll put some of the messages in
Warning: it's a pretty long conversation, even if this isn't the whole thing

Him: Hopefully it'll be within 3 months for me (having a girlfriend)
Me: any reason you picked that?
Him: Because I'd rather it be before December.
Me: Well you have a chance of that. meanwhile, I'm stuck w/ all these people
Him: ya, good luck
Me: Thnx. I'm gonna need it. I'll be amazed if I have one before the end of freshman year.
Him: well who knows?
Me: you think I'll have one this year?
Him: I think there'll be a 65% chance for me this year
Me: I'd say 80% for you and 30-35% for me.
Him: Well there's the chance the juniors and seniors take all the freshmen and sophomores to prom bumping the number to 80 but I have no idea what to give you
Me: Exactly. You have a great chance. I don't know about 3 months, but you'll definitely have one by June.
Him: Yeah, I'd say 15% for before December, but that's just me hoping.
Me: Eh, I'd be a bit freer and say 25% for you before then
(Here's where the important ones are)
Him: If I was being fairer, I'd say 15% and give you that other 10%
(My mood kept going down, can't remember for sure why)
Me: I wouldn't even give myself 10, maybe 5. Dude, i'm just too damn shy
Him: When I get the girlfriend, I'll try to have us help you with your confidence
Me: I appreciate the thought but it just takes too much to get me out of my shell
Him: We'll try
Me: Go ahead...
Him: Ok. I will

If you read every one of those, kudos. Anyways, what can I do to stop my confidence from getting away from me. Ugh...I still feel depressed. After I stopped talking to him, I started to feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone, that the only girls i'll ever get are bitchy slut types. I kept repeating it to myself for some reason until I was on the verge to tears. Please, somebody help me. What do I do?

[ImCoolBeans]

To boost your confidence you have to start realizing that it's all in your head. You're psyching yourself out of something that you want. Why do you think that you're incapable? I used to have almost no confidence in myself at all, then I realized that by believing that I was worthless, not good enough, ugly, shy, annoying, etc, that I was just degrading myself for no reason and making myself feel terrible about things that aren't even true. Your perspective of yourself is always going to be a lot different than everybody else's. You're always going to be harder on yourself than others will be on you -- people most likely don't think these things about you are true. They're only as true as you believe them to be -- that's where confidence lies.

[Synyster Shadows]

To boost your confidence you have to start realizing that it's all in your head. You're psyching yourself out of something that you want. Why do you think that you're incapable? I used to have almost no confidence in myself at all, then I realized that by believing that I was worthless, not good enough, ugly, shy, annoying, etc, that I was just degrading myself for no reason and making myself feel terrible about things that aren't even true. Your perspective of yourself is always going to be a lot different than everybody else's. You're always going to be harder on yourself than others will be on you -- people most likely don't think these things about you are true. They're only as true as you believe them to be -- that's where confidence lies.

If you're actually asking that question and not using a rhetorical one, I honestly don't have an answer for it. I only know how I feel, but i don't know I feel this way. God, I'm confused. I don't know why I feel incapable but I just do.

[Whatsgud]

Confidence takes time to build up, so just be patient. Take baby steps just start by saying hi to girls in the morning when you see them at school. It's the little things that counts. It's also easier to talk in groups when you're at this stage so if you're with your friend and you see a girl just say hi.( I feel as if I have more confidence when I am with friends)

[Vocabulous]

just be like you are when you are around your friends, only more polite

[TheTatsBros]

We can definitely help you out. We both used to be SO shy around girls. I had literally no confidence with them and didn't have a clue what i was doing if a girl ever actually did like me. It really does all come down to your inner confidence. How confident you are in yourself.

You just need to change your mindset. There is an awesome quote that we really like that says...

"The man that says he can, and the man that says he can't, are both right."

If you tell yourself you can't, you tell yourself that your worthless, you tell yourself you are bad with girls. Then guess what. You probably will be! But what is the difference between you and another guy that does get girls and is really confident? He believes in himself where you doubt yourself. No one is telling you these negative things. They are all coming from you. You need to learn that it all comes from you.

The reason you have such low confidence with girls is because you have put them on such a massive pedestal. For you, girls are this incredible, epic, unattainable thing that is SO difficult to get and that you will never get. Girls are just people. Just like you, just like me. No matter how HOT you think they are they are just another person. Don't blow it all out of proportion.

Here's a bit of a vulgar quote for you to think about...

"No matter how fantastic they are, they still have to go take a dump, just like everybody else. And when they are sat on the toilet they look no different to you or me."

We've set up a website dedicated to helping guys get confidence with themselves and with girls. You should definitely check it out, it is in the description.

[Magenta]

First of all, you're making relationships look like statistics in some sport. It doesn't matter what 'chance' you think you have with girls. It doesn't work that way. You're overthinking it and there isn't some manual for dating or some rating guide for potential partners. It's all up to personal preference and emotion. It's not some goal to meet by such and such a date.

Look, girls don't go around with some device measuring how good you are. We're human. If we see some guy can't talk to us or is acting like we're aliens, we just don't bother. It's not worth the effort and it's awkward for everyone. Just be friendly. Be a normal guy and that's all you have to do. Someone will more than likely show interest in you.

Also, never categorise girls. That never ends well. Because those 'bitchy slut types'? Well, a) calling girls derogatory names isn't nice. And b) who are you to judge what a girl acts like or who she sleeps with? A lot of them are perfectly nice people. Some of them, eh, not so much. But that's the case with anyone. Let's put it this way: plenty of people say I'm the sweetest person they've ever met. Lots of people think I'm a bitch. A fair few call me a slut. I can be called a good many things, bitch and slut among them, but that doesn't say everything about me as a whole person. So, just saying, girls really hate that. (Not that you'd call them that to their faces but honestly, if you start categorising girls like that, you're both setting limits for yourself and some weird standards that don't necessarily reflect reality.)

Anyway, it's freshman year. You have another three years after that and then the rest of your life. Don't worry about some awkwardness now. All teenagers are awkward. Odds are, no one is actually judging you because they probably feel the same way when it comes to dating and girls or boys, whatever.