why did i do this to myself

[Luminous]

i didn't cry. i have never done it before. i only had a pushpin. it looks like it will heal or only leave a light scar. there was no blood.
i wrote 'ugly'.
on my thigh, really high up, nobody will see it. i didn't want to. i just did it. please help me.
also 4 small lines on the other thigh. it hurts so much, but there is no blood. i am bad at pain. i don't want to do it again, but i feel like i might. please stop me don't let me do it again, is there anything i can put on the scars right now i don't want these here

[xXl0sth0peXx]

Throw it away. Throw anything away. Get rid of anything you think you might possibly use. That's the first step.

The second step is figuring out why you did it. Was it stress? Was it family/friend issues? Was it ___? It's extremely important to realize why you did it. It's also really, really important that you stop before it becomes an addiction.

It's so not worth the pain and people finding out. You'll be trying to hide these for the rest of your life, and it's so not worth it. I wish I had someone to stop me before it got to bad for me to stop.

Sadly, it's called a scar for a reason. There's no getting rid of them. Of course, they will fade over time, and yours don't seem deep, so I'm gonna assume over time (depending on your skin, a few weeks to a few months), they'll heal perfectly and you won't see them. If you stop.

If you feel like you're going to do it, distract yourself. Read a book, listen to music, punch a pillow, heck I've used a washable red marker before. Anything safe that gets you through that moment is what you want to do in a time.

You are so much stronger than these urges, and you can fight them, and win. My PM box is always open if you need someone. x

[suicidalbutter]

Not sure if this will help. but...

First:
Get rid of the pushpin. And any other sharp objects you think you'd use.

Next:
If the cuts are fresh, you could put first aid cream on them to "fast-forward" the healing process. I'm not saying this will make the scars disappear like magic. When I used first aid cream the scars seemed fainter to me than when I didn't use the cream. Not sure if it was all in my head or not. If they are old, and indeed already scars you will just have to wait for them to fade.

Lastly:
The fact you don't want to do it again means you are strong. You might be able to fight the urge more than someone who does want to.
Like, xXl0sth0peXx said. Figure out what made you do it in the first place. When you figure out what caused you to do it you'll be able to fight the urge better, because you'll be able to realize when your thoughts are going towards the idea of committing the deed again. You'll better distract yourself from doing it again.

Sorry if my advice sucked.

[Luminous]

i don't want to do it again, i'm never doing it again. they came out more like stratches not cuts and after sleeping on them they have faded a lot. i don't want ugly written on my leg. i don't.

[Kitten_]

This is probably awful advice, but DO NOT do it again. I don't care if you really want to in the future, do not do it. You sound very, very strong and you can definitely do this.
Even if you feel like doing it, DON'T. You WILL get sucked in and addicted. I've been in that situation. I started, had a panic attack and it was horrible, but my bully voice kept on telling me that I needed to try it again. A month later I did. Now I'm completely addicted.
I wish you luck and stay strong. You can do this, from your posts I can see that you ARE strong enough. Whatever you do, resist the urge.

For healing, they shouldn't leave scars because they didn't break the skin. It should fade. My first cuts broke the skin barely and they're long faded. Keep it clean and use antibacterial cream on it, if they're small use a bandaid. It should go away.

Stay strong girly. <3

[uglyinsideandout]

Hi Hannah,

I'm really sorry to hear you tried it. It can be so terribly addicting. I don't know how to tell you to stop because if I did I'd use it myself. I also can't for the life of me understand why you'd call yourself ugly. Me, I get it when people say I am, but not you. You look like an angel.

[Luminous]

thank you both, I'm not going to do it again. I'M NOT! and I'll scream it to the whole world, and then I have to stand by it.