handle with care
July 30th, 2013, 11:39 PM
this may be triggering to some people
i have not told this to many people but i'm sick of hiding it. i have had a long history of self harm i have harmed myself since i was three years old it started after i was molested i would bite myself hard enough to make myself bleed. i stopped biting sometime between five and six. i stopped hurting myself for a few years but when i was around the age of seven i began to have suicidal thoughts. i wanted to kill myself when i was eight but i was too scared of going to hell. i started hurting myself again about that time if i had a bruise or scrape from a fall i would hit it until it hurt, and if i didn't have any injuries or anything to hit i would bite my cheek or stick my nail in my gums. the reason i would harm the inside of my mouth is i was scared of going to the boys home a threat my mom always used to make me listen. as i got older the suicidal thoughts began to fade until i reached middle school. i began to try not stop to kill myself but it never worked. i stopped harming the inside of my mouth. as i got older i got more and more methods of self harm such as choking myself i until i almost blacked out, or getting other people to hurt me. i gave up trying to kill myself in eighth grade as well as the self harm. my freshmen year was mostly harm free. i started harming again at the beginning of sophomore year. i began to burn myself with cigarette lighters. i stopped hurting myself for a few months. about three weeks ago i was infuriated and bare knuckled my boxing bag until i broke two fingers on each hand. a few days after i broke my fingers i got in a relationship with a girl who had just got out of the mental hospital for cutting and i promised her i would stop hurting myself if she stopped hurting herself and i broke my promise last night. i feel guilty for not keeping my promise. i burned myself because i was very upset and angry over my cousin doing some sort of drugs and breaking into someones house and now he has three felony charges. should i feel guilty for breaking my promise and do you think my girlfriend will forgive me? also how can i deal with the urges and should i stop hiding my history of suicidal attempts and self harm from my friends and family?
thanks for reading i'm sorry if i seem directionless. if anyone wants to know more about my history or my reasons for harm just pm me. sorry if anything is triggering to anyone that was not my goal in this post.
i have not told this to many people but i'm sick of hiding it. i have had a long history of self harm i have harmed myself since i was three years old it started after i was molested i would bite myself hard enough to make myself bleed. i stopped biting sometime between five and six. i stopped hurting myself for a few years but when i was around the age of seven i began to have suicidal thoughts. i wanted to kill myself when i was eight but i was too scared of going to hell. i started hurting myself again about that time if i had a bruise or scrape from a fall i would hit it until it hurt, and if i didn't have any injuries or anything to hit i would bite my cheek or stick my nail in my gums. the reason i would harm the inside of my mouth is i was scared of going to the boys home a threat my mom always used to make me listen. as i got older the suicidal thoughts began to fade until i reached middle school. i began to try not stop to kill myself but it never worked. i stopped harming the inside of my mouth. as i got older i got more and more methods of self harm such as choking myself i until i almost blacked out, or getting other people to hurt me. i gave up trying to kill myself in eighth grade as well as the self harm. my freshmen year was mostly harm free. i started harming again at the beginning of sophomore year. i began to burn myself with cigarette lighters. i stopped hurting myself for a few months. about three weeks ago i was infuriated and bare knuckled my boxing bag until i broke two fingers on each hand. a few days after i broke my fingers i got in a relationship with a girl who had just got out of the mental hospital for cutting and i promised her i would stop hurting myself if she stopped hurting herself and i broke my promise last night. i feel guilty for not keeping my promise. i burned myself because i was very upset and angry over my cousin doing some sort of drugs and breaking into someones house and now he has three felony charges. should i feel guilty for breaking my promise and do you think my girlfriend will forgive me? also how can i deal with the urges and should i stop hiding my history of suicidal attempts and self harm from my friends and family?
thanks for reading i'm sorry if i seem directionless. if anyone wants to know more about my history or my reasons for harm just pm me. sorry if anything is triggering to anyone that was not my goal in this post.