Lovelife090994
July 30th, 2013, 01:55 AM
Hi, I'll try to keep this concise.
Lately I noticed that as I am getting older, (I'm 18 years old at the present and soon to be 19, 2013) I am getting well, more emotional is how to phrase it, I guess. I seem to be getting more mood swings from anything emotional when I never did before.
And call me crazy but all of a sudden it seems like the things that used to never bother me like my lack of many friends, and uncertainty for the future is just now getting to me. I often feel so alone and sad and then the fact that I grew up without my dad and then me being shy and confused does not help at all. I know in some ways it could be my fault, I've always been shy, I've never wanted anything to do with my dad after nearly 19 years of him never being there and I've always been confused on my future and my own sexuality at times I dare say it.
Nevertheless, I know that this is not good to keep bottled up so, call this a vent type of post. I just wish there was a way to overcome shyness and in a way overall confusion. I guess you can say I feel a bit lost at the moment. I've had a few things happen. Even now I may not be able to go to college this Fall or next Spring because of money issues, my mom being single and a struggling teacher, and meanwhile my dad not saying a word on help for college no matter how much I bring it up.
To be honest I've tried telling both my parents how I've felt before like my loneliness and hurt but they both say, how it's my fault for being so shy and confused in the first place. Plus when I finally did mention this to my mother she wanted to hear no more of it. Sadly I admit I may be depressed but I don't know how to say it. My own mother, dinstant father, cousins, few friends, and aunts didn't know how to take it when I told them how lonely and bewildered I've been. In fact most of them minus the friends think I'm slipping since I keep saying how I never really want to go to church, I should but not sure why I feel like hiding if hiding is the word.
Sorry, this is barely concise or succint, but it's what was on my mind lately and I couldn't leave that bottled up.
Lately I noticed that as I am getting older, (I'm 18 years old at the present and soon to be 19, 2013) I am getting well, more emotional is how to phrase it, I guess. I seem to be getting more mood swings from anything emotional when I never did before.
And call me crazy but all of a sudden it seems like the things that used to never bother me like my lack of many friends, and uncertainty for the future is just now getting to me. I often feel so alone and sad and then the fact that I grew up without my dad and then me being shy and confused does not help at all. I know in some ways it could be my fault, I've always been shy, I've never wanted anything to do with my dad after nearly 19 years of him never being there and I've always been confused on my future and my own sexuality at times I dare say it.
Nevertheless, I know that this is not good to keep bottled up so, call this a vent type of post. I just wish there was a way to overcome shyness and in a way overall confusion. I guess you can say I feel a bit lost at the moment. I've had a few things happen. Even now I may not be able to go to college this Fall or next Spring because of money issues, my mom being single and a struggling teacher, and meanwhile my dad not saying a word on help for college no matter how much I bring it up.
To be honest I've tried telling both my parents how I've felt before like my loneliness and hurt but they both say, how it's my fault for being so shy and confused in the first place. Plus when I finally did mention this to my mother she wanted to hear no more of it. Sadly I admit I may be depressed but I don't know how to say it. My own mother, dinstant father, cousins, few friends, and aunts didn't know how to take it when I told them how lonely and bewildered I've been. In fact most of them minus the friends think I'm slipping since I keep saying how I never really want to go to church, I should but not sure why I feel like hiding if hiding is the word.
Sorry, this is barely concise or succint, but it's what was on my mind lately and I couldn't leave that bottled up.